Catholic Wedding Etiquette Question: Should Protestants kneel during the service?

I recently attended my first ever “full blown” Catholic wedding. The only other Catholic wedding service I ever attended was very short: the groom and bride were both around 60, both widowed with grown kids and grandchildren, and both had mobility problems (the groom was somewhat more than pleasantly plump and the bride had leg problems) so kneeling for extended periods of time was an actual issue, thus the entire service only lasted a few minutes and everybody told me “that’s the shortest Catholic wedding you’ll ever go to”. This time the bride and groom were both healthy 30-somethings, first wedding for both, and the service lasted about an hour.

I mean no disrespect to Catholics when I say that for people raised Protestant (and for that matter non-Episcopalian/non-Anglican- i.e. no kneeling benches to be found) being in a Catholic service is being a stranger in a strange land. My entire pew was filled by me and my friends, all of us of some Protestant background or other, and the “Sit/Stand/Kneel/Stand/Sit/Genuflect/Fight Fight Fight/Commune/Kneel” was confusing, something that in spite of being reasonably well traveled and well read people we’ve really only seen done on TV and in movies (where All Christianity is Catholic). (The bride was a sister of one of our closest friends, and her family is also Protestant [the bride converted], but her family members in the wedding had been to rehearsal and knew the procedure.)

So, one of the things that was a bit odd to us was the full communion (not a Protestant custom at weddings). I knew that I was not supposed to take Communion (in fact some members of the wedding party didn’t partake for various reasons) and that even if allowed to (and I seriously doubt anybody would have tackled me if I’d gone forward) it was alright to abstain, so no problem there. Certainly the standing and sitting were self explanatory and we followed suit, and even the non-believers among us have no problem respectfully bowing our head in silence during prayer.

For similar reasons I don’t cross myself or genuflect since

1- I’m not a Christian
2- I was raised Protestant
3- To me, it would be disrespectful if I did cross myself since there’s no internal conviction there

so this seemed okay.

However, just for future reference for the next time it comes up, here’s my question (which is asked in the title of course)-
Should we kneel? We did the first time, but after that we did not- we remained seated, partly because we weren’t really sure when to do so. But then in our neurotic way became a bit obsessed over “was this rude?” afterwards.

Is not kneeling disrespectful? (Luckily we were the extreme minority in the church and I think everybody knew “they’re Protestants from Alabama” so they didn’t take it offensively, but in general.) As mentioned, the main reason we didn’t was we weren’t always sure when to do so and we did not know the responses and thought that perhaps, like taking Communion or crossing ourself, it’s a “for members only” thing, but we were wondering should we have knelt and done the ‘silent moment of prayer’ thing just for uniformity.

Any other pointers on “Catholicism for Protestant visitors” also appreciated. (It’s always interesting to me when I stumble on something that’s always there and practiced by millions of mainstream Americans but I suddently realize how clueless I am on the matter.)

Non-Catholic guests may kneel if they wish to, but it isn’t required. You can just sit quietly - many Catholics with older knees also sit rather than kneel.

What isn’t cool is taking Communion if you are not a Catholic in good standing. That will definitely offend devout Catholics. You can remain in your seat, or you can go up with everyone else but cross your arms in front of you when you get to the priest - that signals that, for whatever reason, you do not want to take Communion, and he will just give you a blessing.

I attend various Catholic services with my husband’s family. Neither he nor I are religious or consider ourselves Christian. We sit when the Catholics kneel, and stand when they stand.

I go by Robert A. Heinlein’s dictum in cases like this:

Whenever the locals rub blue mud in their navels, I rub blue mud in mine just as solemnly.

I also wear a yarmulke to synagogue and Shabbat even though I’m not Jewish.

Now if there’s snake-handling involved, forget it …

If possible try to find the old Mexican woman in the front. I grew up in the Southwest so there was always at least one. Do whatever she does.

Except Communion.

This is true in the Episcopal church as well, and exactly as you describe.

That’s the big one. Catholics believe in transubstantiation (that is, the bread and wine actually become the body and blood of Christ), while Protestants believe that the bread and wine are simply symbolic.

Oh, and if you’re going to recite the Lord’s Prayer with the congregation, note that Catholics don’t include the doxology at the end (“for thine is the kingdom, and the power…”) when they recite the prayer (though the priest will recite something very similar).

Yeah we do.

It goes the Lord’s Prayer main part
Priest says something
Then we say the doxology with hands raised a bit higher.

I’m Episcopalian, non practicing. Anyone can take communion, as long as you are baptized. But if you don’t want communion, then cross your arms or keep your head bowed down.

Huh…that’s not what I remember from growing up Catholic, but things may have changed.

I don’t kneel, although I do stand when they do. My mom’s family is Pittsburgh Catholic and I don’t think they believe me when I tell them that if my wedding ceremony is longer than 15 minutes the officiant has died of a heart attack and we’re vamping for time to find another one. God, those weddings take forever.

I’m a convert, so I completely understand your awkwardness.

Sitting while everyone else is kneeling is fine. Nobody will take offense. You don’t have to genuflect, either. Making the sign of the cross is a prayer, that’s all. It’s not some magical incantation.

Most Churches have little booklets either at the front of the Church (an usher may be handing them out) or in the pews. It’s called a “Missalette,” and you can follow along for the entire service in that booklet. It makes things a LOT more understandable.

Mass begins with a bunch of prayers, and then “readings” are done. There will typically be one from the Old Testament, a Psalm may be recited or sung, and then a reading from one of the Epistles in the New Testament. The congregation with then rise to their feet as the priest approaches the podium. He will read the Gospel while the congregation remains standing. Then everyone sits while the priest delivers the Homily.

After more prayers and the collection, the really holy stuff happens. The bread and the wine will be blessed by the priest, and then consecrated. Everyone kneels for this–but you can sit, don’t worry. However, devout Catholics are really drawn in emotionally to the process and this isn’t a good time to tap on the shoulder and whisper, “Do you remember where I left my keys?”

Some Churches still ring bells or chimes at the moment of consecration. I appreciated that so much, and I miss it in Churches who no longer do it.

Once the priest is done at the altar, the congregation will rise to its feet and the Lord’s Prayer is recited or sung. And then the priest will ask everyone to share the sign of peace with others. This is when everyone smiles and shakes hands or even hugs. It’s wonderful.

And then Communion will be distributed to those who go up front. You can remain seated, but either sit sideways or stand when someone needs to pass. And if your seatmates receive Communion, they will typically take a few moments after returning to the pew to quietly reflect on their relationship with God. Again, this is not a good time to ask about those missing car keys.

Look for a Missalette, and don’t be afraid to ask where the day’s readings are located, so you can follow along.
~VOW

Actually, no lie, it was during this that somebody’s cell phone went off. I was SSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad it wasn’t anybody I knew. The priest went through it as if he hadn’t heard it but you could tell from his face he absolutely had.

Speaking of the priest, here’s a really silly question [but asked in earnest]: I was surprised when I saw him later at the reception and he was wearing a turtleneck sweater and slacks. (It was a cold night.) He may have been wearing his clerical collar under the turtleneck, but… is it common for priests to not be identifiable as priests when they’re at a social occasion?

Plus it burns like you wouldn’t believe.

Not a convert, but now an ex-catholic, or a non-catholic, I guess would be the best decsription (bless me Father, it has been over thirty years since my last confession). This was/is always my least favorite addition to the Mass.

Sure. Priests are not required (or at least not universally required – some orders, and some dioceses, may have their own rules) to wear the black suit and Roman collar at all times.

I went through Catholic (Jesuit) high school without ever seeing some of the priests in uniform. And some I never saw out of it. Seemed to be a matter of personal preference.

You remember correctly, but things have changed.

Sampiro: You probably know this, but since you didn’t mention it specifically… the “service” was a mass. That’s what goes on every Sunday for Catholics (or everyday for the really religious). And yeah, you don’t take communion. Even Catholics have to be initiated into that sacrament before they can take it.

I sing at many Catholic weddings. The booklets usually include instructions about sitting/standing. During the Eucharistic Prayer/Communion the normal instruction is “kneel or sit”. The Catholics kneel; the rest usually sit.

The thing about the Catholic wedding is that it’s a Wedding Mass. Matrimony is a sacrament, and although it doesn’t have to be performed at at Mass, it’s definitely a portion of the larger celebration of the sacrifice of the Mass. That is, it’s the Mass that’s important, and there’s a wedding being held during it.

(As I say, you can have a wedding without a mass and it’s perfectly sacramental.)

On the flip side, the first Protestant wedding I attended I was like, “Huh? Wha?” A song, vows, song … zoom, they’re outta there. Head for the reception, where there were MINTS and PUNCH. :smack: Geez, where is the keg?? :smiley:

The key word here, I believe, is “Jesuit.” Those guys can never be counted on to do the expected. I knew one who used to come to all the dances in college and waltz with the women … yet he always wore his “pius disguise.” One Jesuit I know now usually has on giant mandals and socks and wears Dockers and Hawaiian shirts.