Sadly, my nan passed away on Sunday morning. We knew it was coming so it wasn’t a terrible shock, but it’s still very sad and we’ll miss her very much.
Several weeks ago she asked my cousin Claire, the eldest grandchild, to read the eulogy at her funeral. Claire has asked me, as the grandchild closest to our grandparents, to share this responsibility with her. I’m happy to do so and I’ve started writing a few personal words on her life and what she meant to me.
It’s going to be a big traditional Irish Roman Catholic funeral. I didn’t share her faith but I’m happy to go along with that. But what I’m looking for are a few secular readings that I could bring that won’t clash with the Catholic service.
I’ve looked into Kahlil Gibran’s “The Prophet” but it doesn’t really suit my purposes. I’ve chosen one that I think may be appropriate:
She is Gone
By Anonymous
You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she’s gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
I like this one very much. But I’d like some other suggestions, perhaps for the other grandchildren to read. I’d appreciate any suggestions you have.
In Kurt Vonnegut’s book Cats Cradle there is a last rites ceremony from a made-up religion. I find it very beautiful but there is no way I could type it all out here from memory.
An extract from Andre Gide’s “Fruits of the earth” was read as the humanist reading at an inter-faith remembrance service I went to.
it begins
“In this tree there were birds singing…”
and ends
“…they will only just remember enough of their sleep to make them next evening a little less afriad of dying.”
It’s quite long, and I’m not exactly sure if it’s what you want.
Did your grandmother have a favourite poem or song? Perhaps you could read that instead.
I heard this at a funeral recently, so maybe you could adapt in your own words (because this is paraphrasing).
When you go to a cemetary, you don’t really learn anything about anyone’s life. All you see on the headstones are dates with a dash in between. It’s not the birth date or even the death date that is important… it’s all about what you do with your dash.
Then you can talk about how your nan spent her dash doing good and wonderful things, all the important lessons she taught you, all the great traits and qualities she instilled in you. All things that go toward demonstrating that the dash is the most important thing on the headstone. And for all those in attendance, you can close with a question, “how are you spending your dash?”
It was a eulogy delivered by the daughter of a woman who had passed away and was very poignant and touching. I spent the best part of the rest of the day thinking about my dash and what people will say about me when it’s my turn to pass on.
Just something to think about.
And, btw, I’m very sorry for your loss. I just lost my gramma in May, so I completely understand what you’re going through. It’s tough – please accept my condolences.
We have a family tradition of reading the poem “Crossing the Bar” by Alfred Lord Tennyson. It’s the delicate, peaceful poem about passing on that starts off:
Sunset and evening star And one clear call for me And may there be no moaning of the bar When I put out to sea