Nitpick, it’s Cathy not Kathy and these aren’t empty gestures but ones of true caring, and they’ve worked so far.
While you’re at it…clone her, too.
Any chick worth all this extra effort…
What?
Oh man! She really speaks to the culture of womanhood, doesn’t she! I’m going to go cuddle up with a pint of icecream and think about McDreamy all afternoon!
Hey, if your gal is happy with you doing all this stuff for her, that’s cool with me. I just wouldn’t want it myself.
Ditto. I wouldn’t just go assuming that all girls are frail, delicate flowers unable to deal with what is a monthly occurrence for about forty years of our life without lavish gifts and coddling.
Like cranky said, just give me the remote and leave me alone.
Fatgail and Scout1222, I think you are being a bit hard on the OP! My impression is that these are not empty gestures, but that he really wants to help his girlfriend feel better. Presumably if she had said that she wanted leaving alone, he’d have done that, as the best way to help her.
My husband needs to be left alone when he is in pain - it took me a long time to learn that because I hate to be left alone in those circumstances. Now I know that the best thing I can do for him is to make the bedroom warm and comfortable, and then leave, so I do.
It was fair enough of you to point out that this might be an equally valid method of looking after someone, but not very kind to label his efforts as “empty gestures”.
Hey, I’m not saying they are empty gestures. I did have a little fun looking for an extremely stereotypical Cathy comic strip, and if that came off as rude, well, I never intended that.
I do have to say that I’m surprised that in an online community (which is typically full of people who often aren’t good in groups or prefer solitary activities) that it took awhile for someone to say hey, just leave me alone, and that’s the best thing you can do for me. Apparently all those people were…off doing something by themselves. 
alright, I apologize for saying empty gestures. I’m sure she appreciates them. I just find it funny that on a board where any hint of stereotyping or ‘painting with a broad brush’ is jumped on like candy from a pinata, we continue to build up the myth that all of us pink wearing, chocolate eating, “if you don’t know why I’m mad I’m not going to tell you” women are ‘crabby on the rag’ and need special treatment every month. And, it’s worth saying, that had his girlfriend been me (you sly dog!) I would have laughed long and hard at any of those gifts that were so expertly recommended.
To be honest, it would mean more to me, as a woman, for my husband to give me a back rub out of nowhere, or bring flowers home because it’s Tuesday rather than “um…do you have your scary period? How can I placate you?”
I don’t care to go any further with it because, like you said, it was all in good spirit and with good intention. But just like with any culture, religion or sex…be careful to paint every period the same.
Well I do those things too. The gestures themselves would be empty indeed if there wasn’t some sentiment of just wanting to help during a particular and exceptionally bad physical time in my darling dear’s life behind them. I’ve been cohabitiating with women long enough that there’s no such thing as a “scary period” or a desire to placate anyone in regards to anything related to periods as far as I’m concerned.
I know my girlfriend well enough by now to know that besides this being a physically uncomfortable time for her that it’s an emotionally sensitive one too and that ramping up my displays of affection and understanding do a thousand times more than they do for actually easing the actual pain. If the advice that came in on my OP needed any particular guidance or correction due to either her or my interpretation of what might or not be appreciated it would have come from me. My girlfriend is a strong and wonderful woman and what I’m doing is neither insulting or minimizing to her or our relationship in any way. I’ve had the pleasure of interacting with many of the posters in this thread for years now and I appreicate what they have to say and I filter or interpret what they contribute as I see fit.
Nobody is saying that this is what all men should do in every similar situation, as with every thread on the Dope YMMV. I appreciate your differing viewpoint, but you’re coming off more than a bit snarky.
If Jim came home with any one of these for me while either in PMS or DMS, I would be beside myself.
He tends to do things out of the blue when I’m in better moods, and stays away when the Time looms near.
I’m voting for the gesture, whether empty or not, (and obviously in this case it is not) is a good one.
Slightly on topic: The only episode of Everybody Loves Raymond I ever saw was one when Raymond comes home with a bottle of Midol for his wife. His own mother slaps him. I was PMSing and at the end of that I was howling with laughter.
This is an instance where a single person, Cluricaun, asked advice regarding a definite problem his partner is having with a physical malaise. He asks if others have this same issue, and if so what helps ameliorate the issue. Others who do indeed have this problem come in to suggest remedies which have empirically been proven to work. Cluricaun applies his own knowledge of his particular partner to determine which of the proffered remedies would prove most efficacious in her situation and then lets us know that some of our suggestions were helpful. At no point has anyone made any generalized statements regarding women in general–only individual women advising an individual man on potential ways to aid his individual partner with her individual malaise.
So my question is, fatgail, if the problem had been a nasty head cold rather than menstrual cramps and we who suffer from head colds had recommended zinc tablets, echinacea extract, Puffs with lotion tissues, chicken soup and Claritin would you have felt it necessary to bring your condescending attitude in to explain how YOU find all those remedies ineffective and furthermore assert that it’s creating or supporting a “myth” that head colds exist and cause discomfort to certain groups of people?
Menstrual cramps and PMS are real and the discomfort is real. There is no “myth” involved and there’s nothing shameful in either suffering from cramps or in using remedies to lessen the impact. Do you also chide depression sufferers who find a good medication that improves their symptoms for perpetuating the “myth” that depressed people sometimes need medication to improve? How about lambasting people who have infections because they contribute to the “myth” that penicillin can cure their symptoms?
Seems to me that the only broad brush in this thread is firmly in your hand–the rest of us are just people helping other people out with advice that’s firmly rooted in empirical knowledge. “We” do not “continue to build up the myth that all of us pink wearing, chocolate eating, “if you don’t know why I’m mad I’m not going to tell you” women are ‘crabby on the rag’ and need special treatment every month.” That would be you and only you doing so. Also, since you say you “would have laughed long and hard at any of those gifts that were so expertly recommended” I guess it’s a good thing that Cluricaun is quite fortunate to have hooked up with someone who appreciates thoughtfulness and recognizes worth. It would be a shame to waste a thoughtful man on an ingrate of a woman. Nice how things like that work out, wouldn’t you say?
I had an awesome GP/gynecologist when I was first living on my own. I used to get debilitating cramps, really awful. She showed me something that works really well for me, & I haven’t had a problem since. Let me see if I can describe it adequately in writing:
-
Most cramps are caused by a clot trying to get through your cervix. The cervix tries to dilate to let it pass, and voila! Menstrual cramps. (I probably don’t need to add this, but the pain of childbirth is the same thing, contractions of the cervix. It starts out pinhole-sized. Ouch!)
-
Find your pubis bone; it is located right around the top of your (natural) pubic hairline. See how it’s like a little shelf?
-
Hi, Opal.
-
Okay, now make one hand stiff like a karate chop hand and push it into your abdomen (thumb towards you) right along the top of that shelf. Push as hard as you’re comfortable with, in and down. Use your other hand to push the first one. What you are doing is pushing the clot out. It doesn’t hurt at all.
-
Without getting too gross, understand that you will need to check your accoutrements because, you know.
This really does work very well for me and I don’t believe it constitutes “medical advice”, hopefully. IANAD.
As soon as you provide proof that chocolate and gossip magazines alleviate cramps and bloating, I’ll accept your analogy to penicillin and anti depressants. I’m glad his tricks of the trade worked.
I hope he gets his motorcycle.
Ok, we’re cool.
brujaja, that is totally fascinating. And knowing me, I’m going to try it.
One thing that is really good for cramps is laughter.
Will definitely give this a try next month! I find having an orgasm helps move things along, too, though it’s often followed by mad pain.
(And while I truly appreciate the OP’s intentions and gestures, I can also totally empathize with women who’d rather be left alone with their pain/gastrointestinal issues/bloody mess for a while)
I hope he gets it too.