I live in a smallish (around 40,000 or less) east Texas town. Lately, I’ve noticed a homeless man about. He seems to stay close to our old downtown area and I see that he moves from spot to spot when I’m on my way home from work.
Here’s my question…
I’d like to offer him some assistance, but in no way do I wish to offend him or appear superior. Or anything like that. Is there some way I can go about this without seeming presumptious? I’d like to at least help with some food or money, if possible. And unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of resources at my disposal, not being very well off myself. I also don’t know what the ettiquette would be long term. He will undoubtedly still be homeless whilst I continue to pass him daily after I’ve done what I can. Regardless, I so want to do something.
Also, I haven’t lived here very long and am pretty unsure of how to suggest things like services (you know, where to go to for help, etc.) or even if I should or not. I mean, he may already be pretty savy and not even NEED my help. I’m just confused about what appropriate steps to take.
So, I’m looking for thoughts on how to go about this. Sigh. I just feel so awkward about the whole thing. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
Find out where a shelter is. Find out if he’s been there before. Give him a lift to it, and maybe pack him a lunch. A safe place to stay and some food to eat are some of the best things you can give to someone who doesn’t have them.
If you’re concerned about your safety in giving him a ride (which is legitimate, considering you don’t know him) I’d offer him cab fare to the shelter.
If you know anyone who owns a small business, you might try to talk them into giving him a job. A lot of the big chains won’t hire you without a permanant address, but it’s pretty hard to get one of those without a job. It might be a good start for him.
Any assistance you offer might be greatly appreciated. I’d just approach it in a semi-casual manner. “I’ve got an extra sandwich. Do you want it?” Ask him if he’s headed somewhere, and perhaps offer bus or cab fare. If he doesn’t have a destination, or indicates he doesn’t know what to do, then suggest the shelter. Sometimes, homeless people know of shelters but don’t want to go to them.
It’s wonderful that you’re so willing to help him – that’s an area I certainly need to work on! I really have no ideas though besides asking him if he needs anything. It might seem a bit presumptuous, but on the other hand, it’s going to be hard to help without knowing just what you can do.
Failing that, you could carry extra food, perhaps?
When I was homeless the worst part was being cut off, having no one to talk to. If his inclination is towards opportunism (a good survival trait when you’re homeless, actually), he may inform you of what you might do to help. If not, you can bring it up at some point.
Things that are priceless if offered and might not cost you a lot:
a place he can receive mail, a mailing address.
an arrangement with a laundromat in the area to let him wash clothes periodically.
food, as others have mentioned.
I don’t know about Lissa’s home town, wherever it might be, but in many places the shelters are not very good places, and unless he’s new to the area he probably already knows about them. He may in fact go to one every night to sleep. (The one I was in, Fort Washington @ 168 St Manhattan, kicked us all out every morning to do as we pleased, to return in the evening for supper and bed).
Tomorrow I’m going to get in touch with someone I work with’s mother who runs the local resale shop for disadvantaged women. I know that she’ll know exactly who all to hook me up with. Other than that, I’m planning on taking him something by to eat on my way home from work (I never see him on my way to there) and just chatting with him for a bit. Plus, I loved the suggestions by AHunter3 for offering up a mailbox and discussing about where to wash clothes. Maybe all that will be a start.
Also, I hope I can find someone locally that’s hiring at least day laborers. My cubicle-mate has a boyfriend who does that and I’m sure they could probably always use extra help. Again, you’ve all made me feel a lot more optimistic in offering real assistance.
Just wish I’d seen him today. Although every time I do, my heart breaks and I wonder how far all of us are from being in the same position he is.
Beginning a conversation with him is probably your best course of action right now. Have a few snack foods, cigarettes handy if you smoke, and just talk to him briefly, ask him how he’s doing etc. If he’s open to conversation, ask how his health is, where he’s sleeping and if he has anything to keep him warm, if he’s eating enough. Most homeless persons are touched, if slightly suspicious, by concern from the general public, so you should be able to talk to him gently and get to know a little more about his situation.
As someone who has been homeless and who now works with chaotic rough sleepers, I wouldn’t advise you try to find this person any kind of employment or permanent housing immediately: you don’t know his history or current needs and it could be damaging for him to go into anything he’s not mentally prepared for. The most popular gifts in my client group seem to be (apart from cash) woollen hats, socks, socks, sleeping bags and good rainproof overcoats. Fast food and cigarettes are also usually well received. If he’s been around town awhile he’ll probably be aware of all the local services for homeless persons, but it’s worth asking. Some day centres will also have a print out or small booklet detailing food runs/soup kitchens/homeless services with times or admittance criteria, so getting hold of something like that for him could be useful.
Other than that, if it’s a cold day and you have the time, take him for coffee somewhere warm as he may be refused service when he goes in alone. Keep talking to him as one of the most damaging aspects of homelessness is becoming a ‘hidden’ part of society, one in which you are ignored by the passer-by on a minute to minute basis. The best thing you are doing is giving him your time and attention, as so few people are willing to do. Best of luck, you’re doing something really very wonderful.
my neighborhood has a large population of homeless people. majority of us don’t like to give anything directly to the homeless. it becomes a problem when they recognize you or where you live and come to expect things from you. (not wanting to be mean about it, but it has happened around here)
instead i give anonymously. since i’m a dr pepper freak, i always have plently of cans. i just keep them separately and place them outside of the dumpster after i have a grocery bag full. if i have anything else that i need or want to get rid of that might be of use to them i do the same thing.
of course you’re in a different situation… best advice i could give to you has already been said. just try talking to him. get to know him a little bit.
he might get offended if you offer him money. some people don’t like charity no matter how bad their situations may be. instead if you offer him a warm meal and a bit of pocket money in exchange for help doing things like lawn work. it could possibly even make him feel better that he’s earned something. of course this is all depending on the type of person he is.
Regardless, I so want to do something.