Hemorrhoids? (major TMI here!!) (also need answer fast!)

I don’t know if I have a flare up of my hemorrhoids. I looked at some pictures online and it seems to be in the general area, but it’s hard to tell, mine’s not that bad.

Here’s the story: about maybe a week ago, I noticed that my ass was getting a lot more sensitive when wiping after going to the bathroom. At first I thought it was simply me wiping too hard. Occasionally I do that and things get sensitive for a couple of days, then it subsides.

Fast forward to this week. I noticed that my actual anus doesn’t hurt when I wipe, it’s the area around it and towards my penis. I’ll try to draw a picture:

…OO…/
…/.
…/…
…/…
…*…

Ok, think of the * as the anus, and the OO as balls. The two lines on the either side is the crease where the legs/inner thighs begin. The pain is mostly along the crease, close to the anus, and towards the inside.

I also notice that it seems to stink there, a lot. When I use a tissue to try and wipe along that area, I get a little blood, and brown stuff. I don’t think its shit, but it smells like it. Probably a mixture of both

Now I have to confess, I’ve never ever had issues with hemorrhoids before. I only know about them through jokes. I’m not even sure where they are or what they look like (tonsils too). So I don’t know if this is what it is. But damn, it’s just like all the jokes say! It hurts when I sit down and when I move. There’s blood. It’s in that general area.

When I saw the blood a few days ago, I thought maybe I had broken some skin wiping. I bought some Neosporin, which is supposed to help cuts and small wounds heal faster, and use it. If it is hemorrhoids, I’m going to get some Preparation H, assuming they still sell that stuff.

I’m NOT going to the doctor, let’s just get that out right now. There’s no way I’m doing that, not until it hurts so much I can’t walk. Right now, I’m debating between trying Prep H (can’t hurt, right?) and waiting it out and reevaluating next week.

Yes, they still make Preparation H and probably will as long as we have asses or a better product comes along. It won’t hurt to try it even if you don’t have hemorrhoids. You should also use pre-moistened wipes to clean the area as dry wiping is just going to irritate it more. The moistened hemorrhoid wipes have witch hazel on them and are supposed to help shrink the 'roid.

Have you been straining a lot to gave a BM? That can often cause a 'roid to pop out. You can try increasing your fiber, too.

No straining…pop out??? Oh god…

Yes, get thee to a drugstore. Your shopping list:

Tucks or Preparation H wipes
Preparation H suppositories
" " cream
Metamucil

Take more than one shower a day so that you stay particularly clean (unless you have access to a bidet - then use that!), and use all of the above preparations as directed.

My non-medical 2 cents.

Clean and dry the area well, but gently. Maybe in the shower? Then feel around and see if you find any external hemorrhoids. They would feel like very firm small lumps close to the anus. Or if you can feel anything that seems like an open sore.

If there is bleeding that is NOT coming from the anus but elsewhere, I don’t think it would be hemorrhoids. There are also cysts I think that are common along the crease, but they might be more common in women.

I just want to go on record as stating that this thread has ooged me out a lot worse than the polyester lady-stink thread did.

Your problem doesn’t really sound like hemorrhoids to me (I had one after childbirth and it felt like I was trying to shit a razor blade) but it doesn’t sound good either. If the above-mentioned home remedies don’t fix it ASAP I think you should go to a doctor. Trust me, they’ve seen it all before.

My number-one go to remedy for hemorrhoids is ibuprofen. They stop itching and shrink up within a few days.

Seriously, they are dealing with dozens of buttholes a day. My wife had to go deal with a hemmorhoid after the birth of our daughter. She was all squicked out about it before hand, but said in the end (ha!) it was no big deal.

Hems are basically varicose veins in the anus. The elasticity of the vein is lost and the veins swell and sometimes fill with blood.

But I have never heard of them appearing in the perineum (aka “taint”, taint asshole, taint genitals) because that kinda makes no sense.

What does make sense, if your description is accurate, in terms of pain and location, is herpes. Also fungal infections or other cooties that thrive in warm, moist areas.

Which is why you should go to a doctor. You don’t explain what the reason for your hostility to doctors is, but if it is money, you can get tested at a clinic. If it is herpes, you can only get a test while they are shedding virus, so you need to go now.

If the pain is not in your actual anus, it’s almost certainly not hemorrhoids, and whatever it actually is won’t likely be improved by treatments for hemorrhoids, which are designed to reduce swelling and pain, nothing else.

Hemorrhoids are around your actual anus. Sounds like you have an ongoing staph infection in/on your taint area to me. Tread carefully, they can be very damaging or even fatal if left untreated. I know several people who have had serious problems.

ETA: For god’s sake get a hand mirror and look at what’s going on! Also, buy wet wipes, and *gently *keep the affected area clean of shit, blood, etc. I would wash with soap and water twice a day too.

By the way, with all due respect and sympathy for your situation, I surely hope that the multiple calls for you to keep the area clean are completely superfluous, in that your natural response to finding “brown stuff” in painful areas that are not actually your anus immediately following a bowel movement would be to clean yourself throroughly and consistently, particularly if the “brown stuff” was associated with any kind of unusual discomfort. I cannot think of a more compelling signal that it is time to clean up, no matter what the reason for the problem, because I cannot recall ever hearing that not being clean is better, or even harmless when one is confronting any skin dmage or disease.

ESPECIALLY in close proximity to the fecal exit!

Although, on the other hand, I’ve always been amazed at how hemmys and anal fissures, which are both regularly in direct contact with feces, do not become infected more often, if ever. Kinda makes you wonder if anal fissures, in particular, are God’s little joke designed to punish you for your less egregious sins: here, you get a big open wound in your asshole, so it will hurt like hell, but it will have special protection from becoming infected by all the poo sliding over it every day, because your sins weren’t THAT bad…

Maybe I should go to the doctor…

Can’t be herpes though, I haven’t been using any of the equipment down there for sex in a while, at least not with other people (or animals, or robots :stuck_out_tongue: Get your mind outta the gutter!). And I don’t make it a habit to sit on anybody’s open wounds either

And in the interest of full disclosure, yes, I do keep it clean down there. During this past week however, it seems that as I go about through the day, I feel the crease down there getting moist as the hours go by. It’s not just sweat, but an actual perceptible moisture that, when I occasionally run my panicked ass to the restroom to wipe, there is on the tissue a thin mixture of blood and brown liquid. It’s like shit is leaking out of my skin to pool in the crease!

WalMart sells a house brand of Tucks which I think does a better job than the name brand.

Prunes are your friend. So is Metamucil. So is A&D ointment, if you’re feeling a bit dry in that area, or if the area is sensitive. To use the A&D, clean thoroughly, fold up a square of TP, put the ointment on that, and wipe it on any sore area.

My first thought upon reading your description is fungal infection. AKA jock itch.

Get yourself some Lamisil - it works the best for things such as this, follow the instructions perfectly! If you don’t see improvement within a few days to a week, you may be dealing with a secondary bacterial infection and in that case you need a doctor and antibiotics.

Ok, I’ve just returned from the bathroom.

From what I can see, the skin is red and kind of bulges out, like a mountain range. No open sores that I can see. It’s location is mainly along the inside of the crease in the taint area. I don’t see any blisters or anything, yet. The skin is just very very sensitive.

I’m thinking of taking a picture and showing it to the doctor, haven’t worked up the courage to drop my pants at his office yet. And no, I’m not going to post pictures of it online

Could it be hepatitis? I just finished my round of Hep A and B vaccines a month ago! Maybe I’m having a reaction?

Oh, for crying out loud, if you go to the doc, let him/her look at it in person.

I gave birth in a teaching hospital. My case was an “interesting” one, so I had a dozen doc wannabes in the room at one point, taking turns peering up into what I had previously thought of as my private parts. At the time, I was very shy and demure. It didn’t kill me. It’s not possible to die of embarrassment.

Seriously, if it’s bothering you, see the doc. As long as you take a bath or shower beforehand, s/he won’t mind.

Sounds very much like a fungal infection. VERY.

The doctor I see is a general practitioner, the office isn’t even located at a hospital but at a strip mall. It doesn’t “feel” like a hospital, that’s why I get embarassed thinking about it.

Anyways, I don’t have time to go until this weekend unless I take a day off, so I guess I’ll think about going on Saturday. I’m still hoping it’ll go away on it’s own though…

Go buy some Lamisil and start treating it like a fungal infection. It won’t hurt, and will probably help. Check the link I posted upthread. Google pictures of jock itch. You won’t be disappointed, and will most likely see something familiar.