Here come rants, blah-blah (December mini-rants)

Breathe Right Strips

I am unsure just how many millions the inventor these things has made. I do know it’s a lot. This is despite the total lack of any evidence whatsoever that the strips actually do anything to aid breathing or have any other beneficial effect. There are knock offs too.

A few seconds of thinking should be sufficient to show that Breathe Right strips are snake oil. Just feel the outside of your nose. Note how only the last bit of your nostrils is skin and cartilage. Note how they obviously continue far back in the bones of your skull? While obviously, obstructing or closing the fleshy ends of your nostrils is bad- just how is a magic band aid placed on the outside of your nostrils supposed to make a difference?

The whole scam gives me a head ache. Luckily, I just bought more Head On. I will apply it directly to my forehead.

Yeah, it’s just a recovery disk or emergency boot device. As you say, this is old and usually free technology. It’s mind-boggling.

But remember, people pay obscene amounts of money for bottles of fucking water. People will literally buy a piece of shit in a box if you give it a catchy name and market it properly.

Actually having a valuable product isn’t necessary to be successful in business, and that has probably been the case for most of human history.

I hope you find them enjoyable!

The company that makes Cards Against Humanity did exactly this. They advertised an Absolute Horsesh*t expansion set for pre-order. Those who bought it were indeed mailed a small box of manure.

Breathe Right strips really help me. Why wouldn’t they? They simply pull the skin so that there’s a greater circumference around the entrance to the nose, because the rigid strips are more rigid than the nostrils. More space, more air. They don’t do a thing for the actual breathing mechanisms, of course, but they do work via simple physics.

They have never worked for me, but I assume it’s because of my nose.

Not that my nose is shaped oddly, or anything, but for whatever reason they do nothing at all to me. They never have, even when they were first on the market and I was much younger. It’s no better at helping my breathing than putting an adhesive bandage on my nose. Maybe there is something weird with the cartilage, I have no idea.

I’ve never thought that the product was defective, because people use them all the time and it works, it just never works for me. I have no idea why.

Then again, I am also immune to hiccups; every time I start to get them, I flex something in my stomach and they go away. I’ve been able to do that since I was a pre-teen. I have not had a problem with hiccups for close to 40 years now. I’ll accept the trade-off.

If your breathing problem is the geometry of your nose they’ll do … something. If your problem is upstream they’ll be a placebo at best.

Folks can earn millions selling what’s almost a placebo.

See also zinc, head-on, and many many other OTC “health” products.

Businesses don’t exist to solve problems. They exist to sell products.

I Got My Stretchy Pants On!

At least, I think that is the title of the musical abomination they played while I was shopping in Target. Pleases, resist the urge to Google it and listen for yourself. It is the musical equivalent of Tubgirl. You will spend the rest of your life wishing you had never heard it or even heard of it. You will never be able to get it out of your head.

I assume you, unlike the inventor and manufacturer, can produce actual scientific evidence that they work beyond the placebo effect?

I think I could, fairly easily, but it would require somebody other than me to take measurements. I can achieve an equivalent effect by pressing down on the bridge of my nose at the tip, or pushing the tip up & back from the bottom. I am not arguing that it would work with every nose, but it’s pretty easy to see why it works on me. The strip temporarily changes the shape of my nostrils at the entrance, which is all I need.

Second Worst Call Ever At Work

(Almost worth starting a new Pit thread to rant about. Forgive any typos. This was typed up on a laptop with cursor jump problems and while doing other things)

I just got off the phone with a very angry, impatient and racist woman. I can understand the anger. She never got a renewal notice or packet in the mail. She did receive a notice that her medical and food stamp cases were ending because she had failed to renew. She then called the wrong office. She spent a long time navigating automated menus and on hold before reaching a human who told her to call my office to renew. Then, when she call this office, waits, and finally gets a human, the call disconnects early in the process.

I would expect somebody to be angry after all that. I see no need to take all that anger out on me. She saw that differently. Besides nearly yelling at me, she was constantly interrupting, pre emptively giving me information (mostly information I didn’t need. The stuff I did need, I often had to ask for again because she gave it to me too early for me to enter into the system), constantly breaking into questions that started with ‘does anybody in the household’ to tell me she was the only one in the household, and other charming habits.

When I asked what language she wanted her confirmation receipt in, she launched into a long rant. This was not just a rant about how I was an idiot because we were both speaking English, or a rant about immigrants, it was also quite oddly also a rant about how I was wasting her time. During pauses in the rant, I would break in and politely and calmly remind her “Maam, all you needed to say was ‘English’.”

When I asked her citizenship status, she asked back “So foreigns and illegals can get benefits?” I moved on to the next question. But she kept repeating herself. Finally, I answered ‘You need a social security number to receive benefits. It is hard to get a social security number if you are not here legally’

When I asked her race, she said “white”. When I asked “Are you of Hispanic or Latino origin?”, she got mad again. “I just told you I was white!” I calmly and politely reminded her it was possible to be both. I do not remember her response to that. Editted to add- I remember it included “I am a proud white American!”

The Compass site had been giving me problems all morning. As I expected, once I got to the Review & Submit section it would not let me proceed. This had been happening all day. I tried various work arounds. They were unsuccessful. I put her on hold and called the lead line. I got permission to use the Compass Down script. I told the woman the system was down and I could not finish her renewal. I suggested she call back in an hour or so. She insisted that I had wasted hours of her time- the call tracker said it was actual 45 minutes or so. It would have taken less time if she did not keep ranting and interrupting. I asked if there was anything else I could do for her. She roughly said ‘no’.

There was a noise. But she failed to hang up properly. I waited to make sure the call was over. I heard her talking to her brother, as she had done at several points during the call. She told him that I was unable to complete her renewal because I ‘did not know how to do my job’. She then said that I was “probably a nggr”. She went on to say “He was probably one of those nggrs who sounds white.” Satisfied that the call was over, and very happy to be done with her, I hung up.

Only twice in my life have I been called a nggr. Both times, it was by callers I spoke with on this job.

And Zoo Poo still comes up on Google. It’s not quite shit in a box, but it’s more expensive than most compost and comes in smaller amounts. It’s amusing manure.

My neighbor once wrapped up a small box of cat shit and left it on my porch.

I am sure she did not purchase it though.

Amusing manure just boggles the mind.

You can buy boring manure in forty pound bags. It’s probably steer or chicken. That little bag of Zoo Poo (local zoos sometimes sell their own brand with a slightly different name) might have been through an elephant!

Back when it first came out, you could buy zoo manure pressed into the shape of animals. I’m not going to dig, but I think they’ve stopped doing that.

Pink Flamingos had a scene where someone was mailed box of poop.

My gf was helping her mom pretty up her yard a few years back. We bagged up horse manure in old feed sacks and drove to my MIL’s house. She wasn’t home so we left the bags by her garage. There was 150 pounds.

The following week my gf drove down and spread the manure. The results were fantastic. Flower beds revitalized, etc.

My MIL loves telling her friends about her wonderful daughter. Other women’s kids send their mothers on cruises, take them out to dinner, send them thoughtful cards in the mail. While her daughter gives her horseshit!

That is an amazing story! Such a wonderful outcome as well.

What a load of horseshit!

:heart: :heart_eyes: :heart:

I have Christmas ornaments that have been through an elephant!

On a vacation in Sri Lanka we visited an elephant sanctuary and they sold various “elephant poo paper” products. Elephants eat plants, and a lot of plant material doesn’t get digested, so the poo can be washed and the softened fibers used to make paper (and I think I remember some rough cloth?).

I bought a notebook (that I’ve never actually used, it’s too pretty) and a 5-pack of what I call “Shitty Santas”. They’re made of elephant shit paper, vaguely human form, and painted by someone following a verbal description of what Santa might look like (if the painter had also never seen a bearded human).

They’re some of my favorite ornaments!

I am envious!