He's allergic to my dog. Sigh.

In My Humble Opinion
1

I recently met a great guy: we really click, we’re very attracted to each other, and there may just be some long-term potential here. So, of course, he is very* allergic to my dog – who is awesome and much loved and not going anywhere any time soon.

Sigh. :frowning:

It’s not a deal-breaker, just something we’ll have to work around, but it’s kind of frustrating (for both of us). And I just needed to vent a little, because in all other aspects I’m pretty excited about this fledgling relationship.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, as either the pet owner or the one with allergies? Did it kill the relationship? Any tips/tricks? So far all I’ve come up with is that I change my shirt in the evenings before I see him, so as to have as little dog fur on me as possible.
*By “very” I mean not just your typical sneezing/watery eyes stuff: his heart races, his legs tingle, he feels nauseated, etc. Basically he can’t spend any time around my dog or in my house; we’re not even sure yet if he can ride in my car (after it’s been professionally vacuumed, of course).

2

No insights, sorry. But man, that stinks. Best of luck - it sounds like, at the very least, your new fella is trying to work with the situation.

3

You sure that’s just not his reaction to going back to your place? :smiley:

I’m sorry to hear that though; how frustrating. What does that portend if you do end up in a longer term relationship? You would hardly be able to move in together with your pup…

4

Thanks. Yeah, he feels horrible that he’s so allergic to the dog; I keep reminding him that it’s not his fault/under his control. We’re hopeful that summer might bring some relief, when he won’t also be dealing with seasonal allergies, but after the reaction he had I won’t be rushing to bring him to my place again any time soon.

:stuck_out_tongue:

I know. :frowning: It’s still early days, but not impossible to see things eventually getting that serious. “Waiting out” the dog isn’t an option, because she’s only three: with any luck she’ll be around for at least another 10 years. I think for now we just deal with the fact that we can’t always spend as much time together as we’d like…if things work out and we start talking big love/co-habitation, maybe he can talk to his allergist or something.

Ugh.

5

Unless you’re willing to give up the dog, this just isn’t going to work out between you guys. Unfortunately.

Kind of lame of him to begin dating someone with an animal that he knows he’s horribly allergic to. Was this info brought up at all before you went out for the first time, or on the 1st date?

6

Would more frequent or different bathing or maybe a very close cropped cut make the dog less triggering?

7

Or could he take something for it, such as an antihistamine or whatever?

8

I am not a doctor, but I was pretty allergic to cats and dogs when I was younger, and have had cats and dogs as pets. There are much better medications available now than there were 30 or 40 years ago, with fewer side effects, so there is hope.

Are you absolutely sure he is allergic to your dog? That sounds like a pretty severe reaction, and if it is that severe I presume he already knows about the allergy and must be used to dealing with it. Is there some medication he can take before exposure that will lessen the symptoms?

If he has not had allergies to dogs before (and I would be surprised if he is allergic to just your specific dog, but maybe that is the case, I don’t know what is possible), maybe there is a shampoo or perfume or food ingredient or something else in your home environment that he is having a reaction to.

As we age, our bodies sometimes change how they react to certain substances, so maybe this has just happened to him coincidental with the start of your relationship. I used to drink loads of caffeine with no real effect when I was younger, and then in my thirties I had a number of instances where I had really bad cases of distress (coincidentally, similar syptoms to what your boyfriend is sufferring) where I was afraid I was having a heart attack or something, and it took me a while to realize the correlation between those episodes and the consumption of caffeine earlier in the day.

In any case, maybe a visit to his doctor or an allergist might help to confirm the allergy or find out another cause, and to find out what medications might be available to treat or control his symptoms.

In short, the allergy is not necessarily a death knell for your relationship.

Good luck, I hope you guys can find a solution.

9

Moved from MPSIMS to IMHO, home of advice-giving and medical anecdotes.

10

I agree with the idea to get his allergist involved - first to confirm that it really is a reaction to dogs (maybe he is reacting to something else, or maybe there is a psychological aspect like being anxious about being over at your place that is making his symptoms worse). Hopefully the doc will have some advice about how to optimize his medications.
I also agree with the idea of frequent bathing and possibly shaving of the dog. If the dog has free run of the house you may want to see if you can keep him out of the areas where the boyfriend would be sleeping or spending a lot of time.

11

Maybe he’s just in love?

Honestly, that sounds like something a lot more involved than just a pet allergy. Has he talked to a doctor about this?

12

Years ago, I had a bf, and we were considering living together. Then he told me I had to choose between him and my two cats. He wasn’t even allergic to them. Bye-bye, bf.

13

That sounds more like a panic attack than an allergy. Not that him having panic attacks is any better, long-term, than an allergy.

Sucks, though. Sorry to hear it.

14

He should be taking chronic allergy meds for a reaction that severe. He is, isn’t he? I mean, what happens when he walks past dogs on the street otherwise?

I’ve already decided that I won’t date a guy ever again who is allergic to or dislikes cats (and thus, it is a question that I bring up on or before the first date). I don’t even have a cat right now, but I won’t live my entire life without one (preferably several). That’s a choice you’ll have to make.

If he tries to make you choose between him or the dog, be thankful that he made the choice so easy for you.

15

I agree with getting an allergist involved; my husband is allergic to cats (well, anything with fur), and he lives with two now (he had a cat and I had a cat when we met). He is much better with cats he’s used to - new cats set him right off. We don’t have any carpets in the house, either, which helps a lot for keeping the fur contamination down, and we used to keep the cats out of the bedroom (we keep a cover on the bed that comes off at night).

I’ve heard about people taking a series of shots to help with an allergy - talking with an allergist about all of this should give you both some ideas. Highly allergic is a problem, but it doesn’t have to be an insurmountable one.

16

For the latest research on allergies to dogs, see
http://www.henryford.com/body.cfm?id=46335&action=detail&ref=1405 I don’t know that will help much.

17

I have heard before that there are no truly “hypoallergenic” breeds, but some allergy sufferers do seem to be more sensitive to some dogs than others. My boyfriend is allergic to dogs, but he doesn’t seem to react to the poodle mix we adopted. She doesn’t shed, which surely helps keep some of the dander and hair from getting into the environment, but he is able to let her lick his face and sleep in bed with him without reacting to it. When we were looking for a dog at shelters, the airborne dander at the shelter made him react even when we didn’t have contact with the dogs there, so I think there must be something about our particular dog that is less allergenic for him.

18

Yeah I think it’s a hair vs. fur thing. My ex didn’t have a negative reaction to his mom’s shih-tzu, but furry dogs and all cats made him sneeze like hell.

19

How so? I mean, they should try everything else first, but if nothing else works, it may come down to either he has to leave because he can’t live like that or the dog has to go. “Making her choose” in that case is a matter of “involving her in the decision”, which seems like the right thing to do: just breaking it off seems colder.

20

I saw him last night: we talked more about the dog allergy thing, and we’re both optimistic that it doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker. Perhaps it’s just wishful thinking, because this is the most excited either of us has been about someone in years, but time will tell. The situation certainly isn’t ideal, but I guess we’ll just see how things go – in terms of both the relationship and his allergies.

In the meantime, he’ll understand when I can’t hang out with him as often/for as long as we both might like. And for my part, I’m thinking about kenneling the dog for the weekend every now and then – not often – so that we can spend some nights together (luckily, my dog loves the place where she goes to daycare/boards).

A bunch of you asked similar questions, so I’ll address those before I get into the quote/reply thing:[ul]

[li]Yes, of course he is already taking allergy medication: he’s on two different kinds right now, plus he recently finished a course of prednisone because his seasonal allergies have been kicking his ass so much this spring. He’s going back to the doctor on Monday, for the third time in as many weeks. Also, he’s planning to have some new allergy testing done this summer (he has to be off antihistamines for a full week before the tests, so doing it now isn’t an option).[/li][li]It was definitely the dog, not a panic attack or my perfume (or love ;)). [/li][li]We haven’t discussed allergy shots yet, and I don’t plan to bring it up until/unless things get very serious; like, years from now when it’s driving us crazy that we can’t live together. I would never ask someone to subject himself to twice-weekly (or more) injections just so he can spend the night at my place every now and then. Also, I don’t know how he feels about needles yet.[/ul][/li]

Well, he didn’t know he would be that allergic.

We met online (OKCupid shoutout!), and I didn’t find out about his pet allergy until after we’d started writing to each other. He described it as a mild allergy, though, and wasn’t concerned that I had a dog, so we decided to meet – and, of course, we totally clicked. He took a Zyrtec before he came to my place that one time, and he really thought that he’d be ok around my short-haired dog. It took a few hours for his symptoms to begin, but once they started he went downhill rapidly.

That said, it now seems that much of his reaction may have been tied to the aforementioned ass-kicking seasonal allergies: the addition of a separate allergen was just too much. He feels pretty confident that in the summer and winter he’ll be able to hang out at my place every now and then; he just won’t ever be able to spend the night (on his current medication, etc.).

I doubt it: she’ll still shed and pant and stuff. :slight_smile: And she’s a short-haired dog to begin with. Plus, bathing her any more often wouldn’t be good for her fur/skin.

Thanks, twicks; it started off as just “wah,” but before I knew it I wound up in IMHO-land. grin

I can’t imagine that he ever would; all indications so far are that he’s a grownup.

It’s true; it goes for cats, too. He has several friends who have cats, and he can be around some of them but not others. The exceptions seem to come down to the individual animal/allergy sufferer.