Hey, corporate! You suck! (ineffectual rant - join me with your own work gripe!)

To the new Paid Time Off Task Force at work:

You suck.

I am ashamed to be a HR representative for your company.

Your recent decision to reduce PTO availability for all incoming employees is disappointing. Our PTO policy used to be similar to what is standard for large companies. Since you pay employees well below what they are worth, they took the tolerable benefits package as a comfort. Our new employees will not even have that.

The new policy will not affect the highly educated people in our division. The job market for pharmacists is wonderful right now. If we attempt to hire another one, they will laugh at our salary and benefits package and walk down the street to a better job at CVS. Bully for them!

No. Your new policy will affect the people that make it possible for your bloated salary to exist. When our next tech quits for a better job, we will have to hire another one. No problem … the job market sucks for most people right now, especially those without a college education. We will have dozens of desperate applicants begging us for a job. No problem. We would be happy to pay them well at well below their market value and give them our new “competetive benefits plan.” And they will eat it up like starving children eating garbage. No matter that they won’t be able to make their rental payments every month, or pay for their medical bills when our “insurance” turns down their claims. The best thing they’ll get from us is the glow of leaving for a better job. But when the next divisional meeting rolls around, you’ll still buy top-quality fresh sushi for your visiting VPs’ dinners. All 25 of them. On the company, of course. How about a little humility?

You are taking advantage of an economic downturn to increase profits by shortchanging your employees. That places you into the room with the Enron execs (may their bonuses go to charity) and Indonesian sweatshop owners (may they be beaten raw, rolled in rock salt, and left naked on hot pavement). Like I said before, you suck.

In addition to lacking a single moral fibre, you are stupid. Yes. The bony structure resting on your neck will fail the Turing test. You wanted to reduce financial liability for the company, so you took another three months of paid time off away from your employees. New employees, according to previous policy, could take at most 5 days off in 3 months. For those 5 days they will be paid less than what you spend on overpriced catering for one day of a small regional meeting. Ooooooooh, huge financial liability. Maybe you should cut back on the sushi and cross-country trips instead.

Assholes.

Note: I was a sheltered child. I wish I could rant like jarbabyj, but I’m just not there yet. Be gentle, please.

Goat felchers!

There. Happy now?

Don’t sell yourself short. Excellent rant. Them clueless, soulless motherfuckers will be first up against the wall. I hope.

Um… my company recently raised my copay to see a Dr. from $10.00 to $15.00. I don’t get paid time off except for holidays. Those bastards!