Our top story tonight: A Long Island teenager decided to drive his car through the middle of a mall.
No word yet on whether or not he was on a mission from God.
Unfortunately, the story doesn’t tell us the topic of the speech.
Was it brag about how his kickass car could run anybody else off the road? Was it a rant against the mall for selling him an inferior, overpriced Slushee? Was it a plea for justice in Kurdistan?
We’ll never know, and our lives are the poorer for it.
He was pissed off because no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t see the sailboat.
“Look, Pier One…This mall has everything.”
Does it have stairs? :smack:
This guy might have something against malls in general (a perfectly understandable position), according to this story:
As for motive:
Very odd.
Motive? Maybe he was figuring his car would impress that cute girl working in the food court.
Oh, well, no wonder then!