If you are watching these people’s kid, and letting her come over without having spoken and made arrangements with the parents you are putting yourself in an intolerably dangerous position with respect to liability.
You do not have permission to care for or entertain their child. You do not have permission to get the child involved with your activities.
If something goes wrong, or something happens to that child you have a truly major problem.
Your circumstances aside, you are taking upon yourself a responsibility that has not been granted.
You need to address this and put a stop to this immediately. Do it with the parents, or simply send the child home, but do not accept guardianship that has not been appointed to you.
You do not want to meet the parents for the first time after you’ve taken their kid to the emergency room.
You do not want to have them knock on the door if their kid gets sick or a scrape (even if it didn’t happen under your care,) and blame you for it.
While it might be nice to take upon yourself the role of teaching the kid basic manners, I suggest it is sufficient to simply say, “Sorry, no. We are busy right now. Goodbye.”
I don’t think anyone else has brought this up, and, clearly, the girl’s parents are not taking much of an interest in what she is up to all day, but I’m not sure I would take everything she says about her mom’s “rules” at face value. My 6-year-old is perfectly capable of making up elaborate tales and excuses to suit her needs.
So, yes, I would at least attempt to talk to them before calling in the authorities.
Seriously, something is going on, and it’s NOT right! I understand not wanting to hurt this girl-and really, while she is a nuisance, it’s her mother’s fault, not her’s. She doesn’t know any better.
But this is seriously, seriously wrong. What if one of your neighbors is a child molestor? What if she gets hurt on your property?
Aries28 is giving only part of the situation here.
The child is question is the latest offender, but there’s another child (seven years old) who also wanders the neighborhood in search of a playmate. He rings our doorbell frequently and asks for our children to come out and play.
I’ve sent him away on multiple occasions, sometimes with a vague time limit (“We’re eating supper now; maybe later”) and sometimes with a more definite answer (“Our children have been eaten by land sharks. We’re grieving. Please leave.”). Unless I specify that the kids won’t be coming out to play today at all, he returns 30 minutes later and rings the doorbell again. “Can they come out now?”
On the one hand, I remember being a child (lo, those many years ago) and having a playground that stretched throughout our neighborhood. I even remember going to various friends’ houses and asking for them. To that extent, these kids are living their lives the exact same way I lived mine when I was younger, and in this day and age it’s somewhat refreshing to see that.
On the other hand, I don’t remember continually going back to the houses for updates on their playability status. And I did NOT go to (much less IN) any house that belonged to people my parents didn’t know.
OK, since everyone is calling for the CPS as being the best option, I’ll go play the bleeding heart Devils Advocate here.
First of all, Aries28 has a problem being rude to a 7 year old. I dont see why that is a problem. No one should ever be adept at being rude to a child. In actuality, she is very mature for her age. She has shown emotional survival skills which Aries28 does not recognize. When she is ignored at home she finds someone who will fullfill that need. She boldly goes to the one place where she feels at home. She feels safe and happy there when her own home does not do that for her.
Obviously she is going to take over, youre not her parents, to her mind you dont have authority over her and so far you havent displayed any (out of concern for her feelings.) She is getting spoiled by your generosity and friendliness and, being only 7, will take full advantage of that. I’m sure your children did the exact same thing. Do you remmember what it was you did to get them out of that misunderstanding? I am assuming it was some form of disciplining. Judging by your post, I gather you dont go for the corporal punishment thing but Im sure you had some stern words with your children when they messed up. Time to set this little girl straight. Let her know without a doubt that when she is in your house, you are to be obeyed without question or its back to your own house. Set rules for her behavior when she is in your presense, let her know what is acceptable behavior and what is not. I know that sounds like raising another child but it is for the good of the child and your sanity. I believe that once you put your foot down and set the rules she will either not come by as often or obey them dutifully and would be less a strain on your nerves. Remember, it does take a village to raise a child. Its not the childs fault that her parents are assholes. Do as much as you can to make sure this child doesnt grown up a victim of society.
Now for the parents. You did mention that you tried to be friendly to the neighbors. Try again. Keep trying till they respond. Walk over to their house hold the childs hand until they personally answer the door. Have them come to your parties and friends parties, force the parents out of their house. If you were evil (like me) you might find some perverse fun in annoying these people to get out more. Pop into their lives unannouced. Their child does, which in my mind is implicit consent to do so. Bring gifts (food) and talk about your kids and how they play wth their kid all day and eat your food and use their toys and take your time but never blame the child or talk badly about her. Asshole parents being what they are might take it out on her. Have your neighbors take turns getting the childs parents out of their private little shell. Make them feel welcomed and secure. Be a village.
If they dont respond positively to this concerted effort, then call the CPS.
I second the other posters who said that something doesn’t smell quite right. The child’s mother is a parent who, for whatever reason, doesn’t want to be bothered. It’s not just that she sends her daughter out with a vague curfew . . . a lot of parents do that. It’s the mother’s isolation that worries me. The first thing I though of was that the mother is an alcoholic. It sounds like that kind of behavior.
I also was a child that wandered around the neighborhood looking for something to do or anyone to play with. A neighbor lady finally visited my home, under my mother’s protests (that is, went in the house), and that was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was too young to realize that mother was literally psychotic and couldn’t care for me. I’m still not sure what transpired, but I was shipped off to my grandparents within a week. The neighbor changed my life.
If talking to the mother doesn’t ease your mind, you have no other option. You have to call CPS.
I was severely abused as a kid and every chance I had I headed to neighbour’s houses. I am sure I was spectacularly annoying, I didn’t even care if they had kids or not. I didn’t tell anyone I was being abused because I did not know it was strange, in fact, given that my famuily behaved perfectly when other’s were around most of the time I thought visiting was a good thing bringing peace to all. Heck, I remember rolling up at people’s houses unnannounced before breakfast. While I treasure those people who put up with this stuff and gave me what I needed which was a safe place I now look back and just wish someone had investigated what was going on at home and saved me a lifetime of problems. That is not even considering the extra danger I could have found myself in, it is not like I would have recognised the wrongness and raised the alarm if anything did go wrong.
Call someone. Please. Let the professionals figure out if there is a problem.
When I first suggeseted a call to CPS, I had assumed that you had at least SOME contact with her parents. But they have never spoken to you? You don’t their names? I can only assume that they do not know yours.
And I can only assume the following:
You do not know the child’s medical history (what foods she may be alleric to, bee stings, allergy to penicillin).
You do not know any way to contact these parents:rolleyes: should there be an emergency.
I think Scylla is right. You are in some serious potential trouble here.
Lets assume for a second that the child is injured on your property (and in your care)…I don’t think I need to go any further, do I?
Protect yourself, protect the child. Call CPS NOW! If she comes over, tell her to go home. If here parent’s are gone, call the cops.
Aw, poor thing. See what you made him do, Scylla? Bad boy! No steak and potatoes for you! Go sit in time out!
[sub]Apocalypse is nigh upon us. I agree with Scylla. Just waiting for december to say something I agree with and you can all head to your already-dug bunkers. You DO have bunkers ready, don’t you?[/sub]
One more vote for CPS. CPS workers aren’t a bunch of monsters looking for the slightest excuse to take someone’s kid away for them forever. They’ll come, they’ll investigate, and best case scenario is, they’ll give the parents a little scare and get them to pay more attention to what their kid is doing. The not-as-good scenario is that they’ll take her out of an unsafe home and put her some where she has a chance of growing up healthy and happy. There’s also a worst case scenario, but that one only happens if you don’t call.
Sauron has a good point. I was thinking about this thread and I remembered a time in my childhood when I went over to a friend’s house and was told politely but firmly by the mother, “We’re having family time. You will have to come back tomorrow.”
I think that would have been a good thing to say when she came over to play in the wading pool. But do put in a call to CPS, especially since the parents don’t seem interested in addressing this problem.
In my first post in this thread, I said (implied?) that you should try and work with the kid and the parents to correct the problem, and maybe call CPS.
After reading more of your descriptions of what is going on, I have to say that you MUST call CPS immediately. Something is very very wrong here.
In the meantime, please heed Scylla’s wise words. You must not let this girl come over. You must send her home. That may mean making things a bit less fun for your own kids for a few days, but so be it. It’s not always easy to do the right thing.
And if she comes over saying that her parents have left, I’d try and confirm that her parents are not actually there. And then call the police because you have an abandoned 7-year-old on your hands.
If some random 7 year old showed up on your doorstep saying that her parents had left her, would you just let her stay at your house until she felt that it was okay to go back into the wild blue yonder? Of course not. You’d call 911. This situation isn’t really any different. If her parents are leaving her with the assumption that the neighbors will take care of her…well that’s an incredibly dangerous assumption. How do they know that you aren’t leaving the house yourself? How do they know that everyone on the block won’t be either gone or doing some uninterruptable activity? They don’t. If they are leaving the kid, they are abandoning her plain and simple. Please don’t be afraid of calling the cops. They are there to help. And please don’t be too concerned about scaring the girl by turning her over to the police. They know how to deal with abandoned and lost children. And at least you’ll be getting the message across to her that her parents leaving her alone is WRONG. She may be only seven, but she’s old enough to start looking out for herself. (Well, it sounds like she’s pretty good about looking out for herself already, actually.) She needs to know that she deserves a lot better than what she’s getting.
From what other neighbors have told me the grandmother is the husband’s mother. The husband was married and got a divorce. He met the new wife who already had 2 kids. They got married and moved in. So the little girl is his step-daughter.
The only contact I have ever had with the grandmother was about 2 years ago when we first moved into the neighborhood and I was out with our dog. She was getting her son’s mail for him (I guess he was out of town) and she stopped and asked me what kind of dog he was.
The last two nights the little girl has stopped by to play but we had plans so I told her she was going to have to go home…which she did.
I believe I am going to keep handling the situation like that unless she tells me again that she is home alone. If that happens then I am going to walk over and talk to the mother and see what she has to say.
Again, I don’t mind the child in our yard playing with my son. I don’t particularly want her in my house primarily because I don’t know her parents and I don’t want that kind of liability. I also don’t want my plans with my children ruined so I will take a better stand on telling her she will have to come back another day if we are in the middle of anything.
I truly believe this is just a case of parents being clueless and not taking an interest in what their child is doing or being rude to other neighbors.
Don’t get me wrong, if I thought for one second this child was abused or being hurt in any way I would intervene. We have several friends who are cops and I might just mention it to them to get their take on it.