Hey, lady...I have my own kids...I don't need to take on yours

The BBQ Pit
1

Dearest Neighbor Lady on the Cul-de-Sac:

I am tired of your kid showing up on my doorstep every time I turn around. I am tired of trying to enjoy doing things with my own children and your kid popping over and barging in. It is not the kid’s fault you are apparently shoving her out the door every chance you get. I will not be rude to a 7 year old child and hurt her feelings but I have just about had it with you allowing her to invade my time like this.

On the weekends I enjoy spending time with my family. I enjoy spending time out in our yard and outdoors so my kids can ride bikes, play football with their Dad, splash in the inflatable pool, chase the dog or just hang out with me. I am not your own personal babysitter. I especially don’t appreciate you and hubby LEAVING to run errands and not asking me if your kid can stay but just assuming I am nice enough to watch her for you. She is SEVEN YEARS OLD…she shouldn’t be left at home by herself. She apparently is not mature enough since EVERY TIME you leave her she shows up on our doorstep saying she is home alone and needs to come over to our house.

I should have said something a while back when your kid came over to play on my son’s birthday and when his friends started arriving for his birthday party I politely told her that we would see her a little later because we had some plans for the day. She then showed up 20 minutes later with a small gift and informed me that she was there for the party. I allowed her to come in and she stayed for 3 hours. I had to finally ask her to go home so I could clean up and do things that I needed to do.

I have never met you. You refuse to speak to the rest of the neighbors. I’m not the only one who has noticed this. We have tried to be friendly to you but you seem to be happy staying indoors away from us. You don’t walk over when we are all outside. You have never participated in our cookouts or fireworks or any other activities that I can remember.

You have told your child that the other kids in the neighborhood are not allowed to come into your home or play there but you seem perfectly content to allow your kid to intrude in our homes.

I have tried really hard to just ignore it because my son does seem to enjoy playing with your daughter. But last night was the final straw.

I spent an hour blowing up the inflatable pool for the baby to play in with his big brother. My 2 kids stood outside all this time just waiting for it to fill up so they could splash. I finally got it ready and they hopped in. The baby was enjoying touching the water and feeling it on his feet. My older son was at the other end splashing and having a good time. We hadn’t been in 5 minutes when here comes your kid. She didn’t have a swimsuit on so I assumed she was just walking over to say hello but oh no, she plopped right in the pool, clothes and all. She kept splashing the baby and upsetting him even after I asked her to stop. She kept screaming at my older son everytime the water was splashed in her hair and I found myself having to fuss at him when all he was doing was having fun. When I said to her that if she didn’t want to get wet she probably shouldn’t get in a pool she went home so I thought all was well but here she came again a few minutes later wearing her swimsuit and got right back in. I finally had to take the baby out because he didn’t like being bothered by her.

I am going to have to be rude and tell you that my home is not your very own personal daycare. I am more than happy for your child to stop by to play when she sees my son outside by himself. However, I am tired of her standing and ringing the bell or knocking on the door over and over until someone answers it. Sometimes when I am home alone I don’t answer my door. I might be soaking in a long, hot bath. I might be reading or taking a short nap. Hell, I might just not feel like answering the damn door but she will knock and knock and knock again just because she sees my car in the garage.

You are an irresponsible parent and it seems to me you had this kid and now you don’t want to deal with her so you are pushing her off on anybody else.

I have my own kids…FIVE of them all together when you add in my stepchildren. I don’t have the time or the patience to deal with yours constantly.

2

That seems like it would rate a call to CPS.

3

Well, if you don’t confront the neighbor directly, I predict this kid will be a screwed-up leech glomming onto you as long as both of you live in the neighborhood. She clearly gets nothing at home in the way of attention or discipline, so either stop offering the former or start enforcing the latter.

4

Yes, and spooje is correct about getting CPS involved, if you can.

5

GOT to agree with Ekers. I’ve seen this sort of thing before…

6

I don’t mean this as a criticism, but as a request for information:

Why didn’t you walk her back to her house, ring the doorbell, and explain to her parents that she wasn’t welcome.

How is that rude? It might be rude if you phrase it that way, of course, but I assume you weren’t going to. It’s not rude to ask someone to stop taking advantage of you.

Don’t give her an inch. She’ll take a mile. Why don’t you suggest that if the girl wants to come over to play, she call you on the telephone and ask if it would be a good time to come over?

As Ann Landers would say, nobody can take advantage of you without your permission.

Your actions (or inactions) seem to be motivated by kindness and by the realization that your son does enjoy her company. I’m not trying to blast you. But it does seem like you’re enabling and even encouraging this behavior.

In any case, I’m with the others on the CPS issue. Next time she comes over saying her parents have left, call the cops.

7

I just can’t be cruel to a child…even if she is driving me nuts. I should take a harder stand with this mother. I don’t blame the child for her actions…I blame the parent.

There is another little boy who lives in our neighborhood and he and my son are great friends. His mother and I take turn a lot watching each other’s kid while one does an errand or gets some alone time for herself. We cook out together. We will walk over to the other’s house and sit and talk while the kids play. We have a mutual arrangement.

If this little girl sees my son and the other little boy out playing she will come over. The problem is that she will stay and stay and stay or that she will walk over and tell me she has to stay with us because her mom ran to the store.

I just can’t look at this little girl and say, “Well, Sam is allowed over her but you can’t stay and play. Go back home.”

I don’t mind the child playing with my son or even coming over. I do mind the constant thing though. I can’t drive into my garage when I get home from work and have enough time to change my clothes that my doorbell isn’t ringing.

And I personally would never leave my 6 year old alone while I ran to the store…even though it is only 10 minutes from our house. But apparently these parents think that it is acceptable. I am not sure calling the cops on them is my best course of action. The grandmother of the little girl lives one street over so maybe they assume that makes it okay? I don’t know.

The little girl for the most part is polite when she is over at our home. She can get a little irritating but what kid doesn’t? :wink:

I don’t think these parents are abusive physically or bad people…just taking advantage of the rest of the neighbors by assuming it is okay with us if they leave their child while they run out. I’m not the only neighbor this has bothered.

8

I just can’t be cruel to a child…even if she is driving me nuts. I should take a harder stand with this mother. I don’t blame the child for her actions…I blame the parent.

There is another little boy who lives in our neighborhood and he and my son are great friends. His mother and I take turn a lot watching each other’s kid while one does an errand or gets some alone time for herself. We cook out together. We will walk over to the other’s house and sit and talk while the kids play. We have a mutual arrangement.

If this little girl sees my son and the other little boy out playing she will come over. The problem is that she will stay and stay and stay or that she will walk over and tell me she has to stay with us because her mom ran to the store.

I just can’t look at this little girl and say, “Well, Sam is allowed over her but you can’t stay and play. Go back home.”

I don’t mind the child playing with my son or even coming over. I do mind the constant thing though. I can’t drive into my garage when I get home from work and have enough time to change my clothes that my doorbell isn’t ringing.

And I personally would never leave my 6 year old alone while I ran to the store…even though it is only 10 minutes from our house. But apparently these parents think that it is acceptable. I am not sure calling the cops on them is my best course of action. The grandmother of the little girl lives one street over so maybe they assume that makes it okay? I don’t know.

The little girl for the most part is polite when she is over at our home. She can get a little irritating but what kid doesn’t? :wink:

I don’t think these parents are abusive physically or bad people…just taking advantage of the rest of the neighbors by assuming it is okay with us if they leave their child while they run out. I’m not the only neighbor this has bothered.

9

Aries28,

You’re in a hard spot, I agree. I do also think that you really need to talk with the parents in a firm manner. If you don’t you will never, ever resolve this problem. In fact, it may get worse.
By not saying anything to the parents, they are as Green Bean stated, being enabled. Your silence is being eunderstood as acceptance of the situation.

I think its best to talk with them now as opposed to ‘later’. Now you are in a reasonable mood about it. The longer this goes on, the more resentful you will become. That in turn, may cause the situation to get ugly.

The next time the mom leaves for the store, you should consider talking with her.

10

Humiliation is sometimes the thing that works best. Especially on clueless folks - like your neighbors.

Walking the child back to the parents’ door and stating that the child is not welcome just now would not only humiliate the parent (one would hope) but it would also humiliate the child. While that may not be your intent, it may just solve the problem. Even a child of seven should be able to then comprehend that good manners have been ignored in this scenario. Lesson learned, and that child should be suitably embarassed enough to not come back over without asking you if it’s the right time.

That is, if her parents don’t ruin it by cutting you down in front of her after you leave their doorstep. It’s too bad, because they sound like the type who will probably do just that.

11

This is just pure random speculation here, but is it possible the wife is being abused? She may be trying to get her child out of the house as much as possible, or the little girl may be leaving on her own.

There is something odd about a family that would let a child go over to stranger’s houses. I think you need to either meet the woman and find out what is going on, or call DCF.

12

I know you have kids of your own, but I don’t think you’re taking the right tack with this poor little girl.

She needs your help to be a polite girl. Normally I’d say it’s not your job, but her parents are falling down on their job and you seem to be inclined to help.

Just assume she doesn’t know what she is doing is rude and gently correct her.
“Honey, if you want to come over and play, you will need to have your mother call me.”
“I’m sorry you can’t get in our pool without asking. You will need to go home now.”
“I’m not prepared to have any visitors now. If your mother had called, I would have told her. Sorry.”
“It’s our family time now. But tomarrow you are welcome to come over.”

13

I truly do not think so. The husband works all during the day and that seems to be when the little girl is out the most. I have seen him outside a few times and he is equally unfriendly. They also have a son and he goes through the neighborhood on his bike by himself a lot asking if anybody wants their grass cut…he is 12 so I can understand him having a little more freedom than the 7 year old.

One of the other neighbors had the little girl at her home last week and she politely suggested that the kids go play at HER house for a little while since they had been there all day. The little girl said, “No…my mother said no one is allowed to come into our house because she doesn’t want my room messed up.” This, from the little girl who leaves our kids’ rooms a mess when she plays.

Another instance, the little girl was over at a neighbor’s house close to lunch time. The mother told her it was lunchtime and the little girl said she would just sit and wait for them to finish. The mother offered her a sandwich and the little girl ate it. Next day…same situation but when the mother offered her lunch the little girl said, “I can’t. My mother said I’m not allowed to eat anything at your house again because I ruined my dinner.”

One of the neighbors has walked the child home before in an effort to meet the mother and said that the lady was just plain rude and unfriendly. She told the little girl that she had come home later than when she told her she had to be home so she couldn’t play later that night.

It seems like this mother gives the kid a curfew of when to be home then just lets her wander around the neighborhood.

I mean we live in a very nice neighborhood and I feel safe there but you never know what nuts might drive through. It just seems risky to me…but then again…I’m a very overprotective parent.

I think nothing will be resolved until the mother is confronted and told how this behavior is annoying. I don’t think it will go well no matter what approach anybody uses but it’s either her sanity or mine and I’m selfish! :wink:

14

Hmmmm. Then I would place a call to DCF. There’s something that just doesn’t sit right with me.

Trust your instincts.

15

Sounds like an excellent way of heaping a really big guilt trip on a 7 year old child who’s doing nothing other than being a 7 year old child. A child that age has very limited empathy. Unless it’s clearly explained, she doesn’t have any idea how the situation may be inconvenient to anyone else but herself.

But there’s right ways and wrong ways. Your way is the kind of way that could scar her socially, (No-one wants you around their house!) and her relationship with her parents, (Look at the trouble you’re causing us!) which doesn’t sound that great to begin with, for a long time.

16

Perhaps I am wrong, but it seems to me that I could put a serious bug in Momma’s ear without humiliating the child.

I mean, I wouldn’t mind if a neighbor child came over to play with my kid regularly, but I would certainly get bent if I thought mommy was using me as an unpaid instant babysitter or day care if she felt like ducking out for a loaf of bread, or having a nooner with hubbins, or whatever…

17

My This Sounds Suspicious Alarm is going off. I agree with all those saying call CPS.

18

If you call CPS and explain the situation to them, they’ll come out and investigate. This might get the point across to these clueless parents about how inappropriate (and potentially dangerous) their lack of supervision is.

Another thing you might want to consider is a meeting with and the other parents involved (it seems like she has a habit of showing up on other people’s doorsteps, too). Perhaps you could all discuss what to do, then take group action. Maybe you could all go over to the little girl’s house together and talk to her parents.

I’m also a fan of Apricot’s suggestion. Gently tell her what is and is not appropriate, since her parents obviously can’t be bothered. But sadly, I don’ think this is enough. Something more drastic has to be done–this little girl is in danger if she sees nothing wrong with going inside strange houses.

19

See…this is the exact thing I just can’t wrap my mind around…to her parents I am a stranger. They have never spoken to me. Never introduced themselves to me. I couldn’t even tell you their names. I have never let my son go over to their house to play with their children and the reason I give him is, “I don’t know her parents, so no, you may not go over to play…in her house…in her backyard…anywhere. Period.”

This child has not only been outside playing in my yard (where her parents could easily look out the window and see her) but she has been inside my house for a lengthy period of time. I would never in a million years allow my child to do this…no matter how old he was. If I don’t know the parents he doesn’t go over to play. End of story.

I truly do not mind the child coming over to play OUTSIDE if we aren’t trying to spend time together. I DO have a problem with her interupting my time with my kids or coming over to my home after her parents have gone out.

I think the best action at this point is to just tell her mother exactly that.

20

My sister-in-law used to do this with her kids. She would just put them out for the day like you would a dog. But she would tell them to be back right before daddy came home. My brother didn’t even know it was happening until the neighbors confronted him. That’s when he started realizing that the little beer she sipped in the afternoon had turned into a big problem.

Call CPS this kid needs protection from the bad people who take advantage of the situation.