If you think Sue’s lying, then you probably won’t find me very reliable. You see, my mother have, on several occasions, told me the story of my brother’s ballistic poop. My brother is two years older than me, so this happened before I was born, but the story is that my sister was changing my brother’s diaper when he let loose a shower of shit splattering all over her, the bathroom, out into the hall, all the way to the wall opposite the bathroom door.
Now, I’ve been doing some measurements, and it’s 3.5 metres from the bathroom door to the wall, and as his ass certainly wasn’t halfway out the door at the time, I’ll have to add one more metre to that. 4.5 metres, or 15 feet.
One time a few years ago, I went to my sisters house for dinner. One of the things that she served was beets. Well, I LOVE beets. I made a major pig of myself. The next morning, I thought I was bleeding to death. I know, somewhat lame compared to some of the other “bits of trivia”. On the other hand, I once tried all by myself to singlehandedly save the timber industry. Damn, what a log!
:D:D
this is the best thread i have reaf in a loooong time. with friends like this, who needs cecil?
i can’t be the only one here who thinks the word ‘poop’ is drop-dead super-silly hilarious (pronounced high-lair-eee-ous), can i? seriously, even without any fecal connotations, the word is damn funny. say it with me people: POOP!
ha!
When we go to Baskin-Robbins for ice cream, my 8 y/o son will frequently get one particular flavor BECAUSE it turns his turds green…
Anyone want some poop-related fun in a public restroom? Go in a stall (when there’re several other people in attendance), grunt and groan REAL loudly for fifteen minutes, then drop a cantaloupe in the toilet from five feet up. Make a HUGE sigh of relief afterwards.
To the people outside the stall, it’ll sound like you just shat Elvis.
And I still say Tim is a weird mofo.
Baby diapers are the best. You can actually smote (smite?) your enemies with a diaper that’s a combination of green peas and sweet potatoes.
BTW, the applesauce was the only thing babyjesus had eaten.
Slightly tangental story to the OP:
When I was in high school (about year 11), a female teacher recounted to my English class her experiences during a bus tour of Thailand.
She recalled a comfort stop in a small town, where the public toilet consisted of a hut constructed over a wide pit, across which stretched a very broad plank. Clearly, it was a unisex facility designed for group elimination. This was a bit confronting to a sweet, shy, innocent Australian girl, accustomed to privacy and the “throne” in a cubicle.
The bus driver told her “you don’t want to go in there”, but she was desperate for relief. He mounted guard outside while she bit the bullet and entered.
She mad the mistake of looking down, to be confronted by (as she described it) “a gut wrenching, heaving mass of seething yellow shit” just inches below the plank. Suffice to say, it was not a pleasant experience.
When she emerged, a sweet little old dutch lady was waiting to enter. She told the old lady not to look down.
Some minutes later, the old lady emerged from the hut. The teacher went over to commiserate with the culture shock. The old lady looked up at her, smiled, and said “So many little animals…”
I guess you had to be there.
The projectile poop stories reminds me of one I got from Mrs. O - changing the diaper on the Tzeroling. She was bare-assed on the table, stomach down, and let one go. It described a perfect arch right into the wipes box. Dead on, no splat, no nothing. Right through the dispensing slit.
ren and Diane: On the Subject of Mayonnaise Loaves…
Glad you like the phrase! I still thing Neon Jesus Cuckoo Clock beats it hands down, but de gustibus non disputandum. As for what it is, well, it’s merely a description of what that particular fex looked like. The color of mayonnaise, shaped like one of those cheese logs you get from not-so-intimate friends at Christmas.
From Ruffian:
They got the same thing in Russia. In a separate room from the bathtub, even. Though I suppose it’s a good thing if you want to take a shower when your roomie is passing the evidence of last night’s boozefest. Phew! :eek:
From cheezit:
Oh yeah! Actually I think it’s pretty cool, with that red halo of beet juice swirling around in the bowl. Trust me, though - it’s a completely different color than blood. One morning I apparently had severe constipation - I knew it was there, it knew it wanted out, but we just couldn’t coordinate our efforts. The damn thing must have been a good 2 inches in diameter at least, and it wreaked God’s own havoc on the way. Horror flicks had nothing on that monstrosity. The phrase “shitting a brick” is no longer just a metaphor to me.
I still laugh about the tandoori chicken one. I’m gonna have to try that sometime.
My cousin and I tried to eat playdough and turn our turds a different color-unfortunately, it didn’t work…(guess we didn’t eat enough)
What I hate is public bathrooms when people don’t flush…I’ve seen shit thrown all over the walls and the seat and everything…why must people turn the stalls into their own private poopatorium?
The cantalope-I saw that on a list on fun things to do in a restroom…can you find the list?
My younger brother(he’s 21) once dragged me into the bathroom to show off his latest crap that was bubbling like one of those aquarium treasure chest decorations.
Needless to say, I was less than impressed.
I haven’t learned to post links here yet, gotta do that someday.
Anyhow, go to “Tasteless-Jokes.com” and look under fun stuff/humor for all the bathroom tricks and a complete list of names for every kind of poop known to man.
I never thought this would come in handy, but there ya’ go.
All you have to do is post the url…starting with http and then the rest. It will create a link itself!
Sweet mother of pearl! What do you have to eat to make it bubble? I gotta know.
–Tim
I got this poop story in an email. It is one of the funniest things I have ever read. Kinda long though. http://bbq.shacknet.nu.poop.htm
I got the cantaloupe trick from makeyoulaugh.com (used to be hilarious, but hasn’t been updated in nine or ten months).
Anyway… back to the stinky!
The dog we had growing up used to eat crayons all the time, and when he’d crap it’d be all rainbow colored, like Lucky Charms. To this day, when we dig up the garden or something, we’d occasionally find a little left over poop globule, practically fossilized by now (the dog’s been dead for almost ten years now).
Second… is it just me, or do girls crap more in one sitting than guys? My sister seems to go with defecating as long as four or five days, it seems… and when she finally does go, it almost always clogs up the toilet. Then she doesn’t have the common decency to grab the fucking plunger (all twelve inches away) and unclog the pipe. (Even worse: She occasionally leaves used pads lying on the bathroom counter… she’s not exactly a genius).