"Hey you, working in the CU-Boulder transcript office!
Thanks!"
Damn it all. I will confess to a certain level of personal culpability here. When applying to medical schools, you have to go through this large, weird, and enormously expensive system called AMCAS. From when you take the MCAT (for $200) onwards, you basically submit a common application to AMCAS (for $160+ $30/school). Furthermore, you submit all of your transcripts to be verified by AMCAS as well. Technically, I could have started this process back in June, but the offices don’t even begin to look at applications until August, and after being turned down by the two schools that I applied to last year, I figured that I would put off my application trying to scrounge up more healthcare related experience and some letters of recommendation. I went through the comprehensive list of every private med school in the nation (public med school’s admissions practices are a whole separate pit thread), and whittled down my list to four candidates that I felt offered the best mixture of shools I wanted to attend, schools I could get into, and schools that I could afford to go interview at (the seeming impossibility of doing regional interviews like every fucking undergrad institution in the nation is yet another separate pit thread). All of these schools had application deadlines of November 1st. As I was finishing up my application in early October, some friends strongly encouraged me at to add Stanford and Emory to that list. I figured, what the hell. Both had good viewbooks on their website, it was October 13th, so I figured why the hell not, the application deadline for both schools was October 15th. I scrambled up the rest of my 10 page application, sent it in on the 14th, and bam, with the click of a mouse button, I’ve wasted another $60 in AMCAS application fees plus another $180 in actual secondary application fees to both Stanford and Emory, and I’ve moved up all of my deadlines by two weeks so that my transcripts are due to AMCAS by October 31st. I start a mad-dash to get all of my transcripts headed in to AMCAS from the twisted trail of carnage that I’ve left across various American undergrad institutions. I e-mail fax, phone, and smoke signal in transcript requests all across the nation. All save for my own lovely home transcript office, the CU-Boulder transcript office. When I step into their “garden level” dungeon which reeks like bad milk and “Xerox smell,” credit card in hand, I think to myself: “well, let’s see, I’ve got about 10 days to get this transcript into the hands of AMCAS in Washington DC. The free transcripts leave in four days, the mail should take about two days, leaving me with a two day margin of error. But, I’ve already spent $500 on this little Odyssey, so why not splurge? $5 for the next day? Small potatoes! I’ll go all out, $10 for the same day service from my biggest and most important transcript, CU Boulder!”
Everyone’s cool. By October 28th, all of my transcripts are in. I’m sitting pretty, waiting for AMCAS to say, “nope, he didn’t just lie and pretend to have taken an underwater course in basket weaving when he really couldn’t close a lid on a pot in dry air,” and for schools to send out requests for secondary applications. Sitting pretty, of course, except for CU-Boulder. CU Boulder still hadn’t gotten to AMCAS, so I start to worry. Not panicking or throwing things, mind you, I’m just worried. I call down to the transcript office, ask for them to double check that the transcript had been sent, and they say, “yep, signed it out on the log, with AP scores!” What else is there to do but wait? And wait. And wait. Until the 31st. Still no CU Boulder transcript in Washington DC. Oh no, I’ll have to wait until 9:38 AM on the morning of November 1st when AMCAS’s stupid, chipper little e-mail automailer responds that CU Boulder’s transcript has alas arrived and all of my transcripts are finally in and, oh, by the way, you’ve missed deadlines for Stanford and Emory, but, “Thank you for using AMCAS and good luck with your admissions process!”
I call in to Emory and leave voicemails, pleading and begging for a deadline extension of one day. A nice woman from the admissions office calls me back, collects my AMCAS ID number, and says that she’ll see what she can do. So good, I think that Emory is going to be cool. Stanford’s website, even though it explicitly warns that, “No deadline extensions will be granted!” I decide to call in and see if they are willing to have any flexibility. Someone gives me a voicemail box, I leave a message. Later that day, I check my voicemail and some guy with a funny German accent starts screaming, “Vaat is zee matter wiz youze? Aysk us for zee zeedline extension again and zou vill be killed!” Actually, no, I haven’t heard back from Stanford and I’m beginning to trust their website.
So, this has gotten quite extensive, but to sum up, first, screw you CU Boulder transcript office. The requests that I faxed in later for free to other schools arrived before the request that I paid $10 for from you fuck-ups. I don’t know how hard this whole process is of, “print transcript, stamp transcript, place transcript in envelope, deposit envelope in mail in timely manner,” is for you, but apparently it’s too damn hard. Stop spending so much time looking at furnitureporn.com and start mailing transcripts! Additionally, screw this med school application process. That it’s long, excruciatingly boring, overly anal, and generally annoying, I expect. The fact that it costs, at a bare minimum, $1200 to apply to around five schools plus interview travel expenses is absolute bullshit. I have the means to apply to these schools, but what about the people that don’t? I sincerely doubt that this entire ridiculous interview process has the actual ability to separate out those, “special type of people,” that all of your websites talk about, so all that I think you really need is a set of grades, MCAT scores, description of experiences, personal statement, and maybe a regional interview to verify someone’s status as not being some creepy psychotic bastard hoping to enter med school to learn how to conduct experiments in human-cat brain transplants or else write pain killer prescriptions to strippers in exchange for sex. So, fuck the people that have permitted this to become an ungodly expensive process in the name of, “fairness,” while ignoring the fact that a number of otherwise qualified applicants have been priced right out of the market or into applying to a smaller number of schools.
Yeah, I think that’s it for now.