Hey you. Get off of my car.

The BBQ Pit
1

Listen bud, I’m pretty territorial.

Now, what may appear to you is a piece of shit car from out of state, is in fact, mine. I own it, paid it off, and I’m fairly proud to keep it running even though it’s 10 years old. Now you wanna get off the trunk?

No, I mean now. Like right now. I don’t care if you were “just resting”. I’m pretty territorial. I’m 5’6", 185lbs, and I’ll thump you. And tell yer girlfriend to shaddup. Her broken record-like chatter of “He didn’t scratch it!” means nothing to me. Just get the fuck off my trunk, and be on your way.

Does my eloquent request befall retarded ears? Do I need to physically remove you from my vehicle? Either get off the trunk of my car, or I will thump your little teeny-bopper ass back into the mall, which your soul determined to be the most productive place for your 10th grade pimple-faced ass to be today.

Now I shall move to within inches from your face, and I will determinedly yell, much like a Marine once did at me, GET THE FUCK OFF MY CAR OR I WILL GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES, AND SKULLFUCK YOU!!

Has my message sunk in? Apparently so, because I have never seen a 10th grader run as fast. . .

Tripler
I’ll thump you.

2

These last two parts really made the rant. And that kid deserved everything you gave him.

3

I think it would have been better if you had just sung “Hey, hey, you, you, get offah my car!” at him.
But that’s just me.

4

That’s exactly what I was thinking when I read the title, Munch. :smiley:

5

I beg your pardon, but I believe backup singers are required for this strategy to work correctly. Since Tripler did NOT say “Either get off the trunk of my car, or my backup singers and I will thump your little teeny-bopper ass back into the mall…” then one has to assume that he left his singers elsewhere, correct? Or am I misinterpreting the situation?

6

Ever seen The Way of the Gun? Great car-sitting sequence in the beginning of that movie.

7

I think you shoulda thumped him. He would have learned a valuable life lesson.

8

Is his name Vernon Hardapple?

Because, if it is, it’s really his car.

9

Tripler,

You are welcome to borrow my cricket bat for the next occasion in which you see some asshole camping on your vehicle. Freaking amazing how the fools make way for the trunk to be opened when the gear is brought out of the kit bag.

10

Heh, that would have been perfect for this situation, since the girlfriend was there too.

I’ll have to try the Drill Instructor approach next time I’m in a confrontation.

11

When I was a little kid I was rollerskating one day and I nearly fell over and I put my hand on the car I happened to be passing to stop myself falling over…

and the bloke who owned the car came storming out of his house yelling “take your hand off my car NOW!” and he was really, really, nasty about it. As I remember his whole manner was just totally venomous about it, and I, being a shy sensitive little kid was in tears and I was upset about it for days afterwards. And I didn’t even understand why! My parents couldn’t care less if you touched their car,as far as I was concerned a car was just an everyday kind of object that was just there! I just did not understand why this guy was so aggressive and nasty just because I had lightly touched his car to steady myself on my rollerskates!

That’s soooooo big and strong and manly I must say, being nasty and aggressive to a shy nervous little girl who was just trying to stop herself falling over. I wasn’t hurting his precious penis substitute, did he think I was going to vandalise it or something?

No offense but some of you guys take your cars way waaaaaaaaaaaaayy too seriously.

And I hope that bastard died slowly and painfully and I hope he is rotting in the darkest hottest pit of hell right now.

Bastard.

12

Yeah, all you would have to do is punch a 10th grade girl in the mouth, followed by getting your ass stomped by an angry mob.

13

I used to work security in excahnge for rent at a really bad apartment complex. A lot fo my punk rocker friends would come over and hang out and walk around the complex with me when I patrolled the place late at night.

one night, I’m out patroling the parking lot, with one of my aquaintences, a guy with a mowhawk(his name was Ivan Stober, if any of you go to ren fairs, you mave seen his Chainmail booth…Mad Ivans Chainmail). Anyway, we walk up on a goup of Hispanic gang members, a couple of them sitting on my truck. I walk up and say:
“Hey man, get off my truck”.

Ivan steps up into the back of the truck and I hand him the 12 guage riot gun I’m carrying. He sits on the edge of the bed with the gun across his lap. These guys are just staring at me in my rent-a-cop uniform, with sidearm, and back to Ivan totally punked out, greasy mohawk, and winchester defender. They get off the truck, and I ask them what they are doing there. One of them, a rather large individual, states

   "we're just waiting for Donny(the mantenance mans brother)".

I say thats cool, just wanted to know. One of them Then says:
“If a bunch of guys were around you, and one
of them had a gun on you, and told you give up
your gun, you’d do it right?”

(great way to open a conversation). I said, in my best half crazy wannbe cop voice,

   "Naw...I'd just see how many of them I could kill
    before they got me. That way, I'd make the paper.
    I always wanted to make the paper.."

The guy responds, looking a little nervous
“No man, I mean if they already had thier guns out
on you and everything, youd give up your gun
right?”,

To which I replied

    "No way man, I'd try to get as many as I could
    before I went down...Bet I'd get a couple of them.
    I sure do want to be in the paper".

They left…without Donny. And from time to time would show up in smaller groups, and were always polite. I ran in to the big guy at party years later. He said “Man that place really went to hell after you left. You guys were cool with all the guns, and riding harleys around and shit. After you left, the rent a pig they got got his ass kicked,and people were stealling cars and shit.” I guess I made a good impression.

14

Since I don’t even know how to play cricket, I can see this as a useful tool, even for a hockey-playing Yank like myself. Much obliged. . .

**

Make sure you can do it effectively. Keep a straight face, make sure your breath doesn’t smell bad, and be loud, crisp, clear, and very very direct. And if the person tries to back away, move back into their face again. Works like magic.
**

Yeah that’s great and all, but there’s a big difference between accidentally falling and touching a car, and sitting on the trunk with your feet dangling off. It’s a matter of semantics. But if I don’t know you, you aren’t hurt, and you don’t require assistance, I don’t want you fucking around with my stuff acting like you may do with it as you please.

And yes, that guy was an asshole. If you think my car is a penis envy qualifier, then you haven’t seen my car. :smiley:

Tripler
Damn kids. Must be summer. . .

15

Tripler, I wouldn’t have told him twice. :smiley:

“Get off my car.”…“No?” <splat>

16

There’s a huge difference between touching a vehicle and plopping down on the hood or trunk lid and thus putting a bit of a dent.

On a semi-related subject: A few years back (about 15 or so), young brain-surgeon wannabe thought it would be a good idea to go skateboarding down the steepest hill in town all the while wearing dark clothing somewhere around midnight. I didn’t see him when I pulled up to the stop sign. Actually, I did see him when he let out a yell “look out!” as he jumped onto the hood of my car and leaped onto the pavement on the other side. His skateboard, of course, collided with my front left tire. I got out grabbed the skateboard and took off after cursing at him a bit. Last I saw of that board, it was in a dumpster near my apartment. Looked expensive too. The board, that is, not the dumpster.

17

I bet the dumpster cost more than the board

18

and the bloke who owned the car came storming out of his house yelling “take your hand off my car NOW!”

Something similar happened to me when I accidentally rode my bike on the edge of some guy’s lawn. He yelled at me and told me he was going to stick his foot up my ass if I did it again. It’s kind of the same thing, I was probably 10 at the time. I never rode my bike home so fast.

That guy was a asshole, just like the lawn guy. Though like was said, falling and catching yourself on the car, and sitting on the trunk like you have every right are different situations.

19

I just want to say-what I said about that bloke who was horrible to me all those years ago wasn’t an attack on the OP. Far from it, yes, the situation was very different.

And no, I don’t think that the OP’s car is his penis substitute. I was just saying it about that bloke (may he burn for all eternity!)

I was just getting it out of my system after all these years.

No, Tripler was certainly justified in feeling aggrieved. No Worries :slight_smile: