Hi, Mom. Thanks for losing the election.

Hi there, Mom. Thought you might like to meet some people I know. These are the people of the SDMB, and a right quick lot they are, to be sure.

Heh, that sure is a funny thing you did yesterday. Almost as funny as those times when you used to beat me about the head with your shoe, so that the other teachers wouldn’t notice the bruises. That was a laugh.

Then, there’s that funny “projection” thing that you like to do. You know, funny.

Like when you were an elementary school teacher, I became an “apathetic student.” It didn’t matter that I was in the fourth grade, reading William Shirer’s books and bored. That was pretty funny, too.

Then you became a guidance counsellor, just about the time I went to high school. I suddenly became a juvenile delinquent, an adolescent vandal bent on destroying society. I tried real hard to live up to your image of me, but it just wasn’t in me. Funny thing about that was I stayed an adolescent vandal until I was twenty-two, when you decided to shitcan your career on the advice of your psychic and move to Palm Beach County, Florida.

Pay no matter the retirement plan or the being two years away from a pension–you’ve got a little boy who’ll take care of you, and the astrologers steered you right, no doubt.

Then, you became a drug counsellor. Suddenly, I turned into a homosexual alcoholic heroin addict. Well, Mom, you’re getting sharper in your old age, because I really am one of those. I’ll give you a hint: it doesn’t involve pricks.

Didn’t we have a laugh when I found out you forged my signature and took out all those student loans in my name, and threw away the payment notices until I defaulted? Golly, that was a pretty great ten years of laughs until I paid that one off myself.

And then, you called me tonight, asking for my help, because I’m so tight with the government, what being in Indian Affairs and all, but not part of the government. I’m pretty important, and you’ve found yourself in a bind. Seems that you were one of the two thousand or so mindless palm-reading flakes who couldn’t read the directions on your ballot, and mistakenly turned over the government of the United States of America over to the very people who will destroy my job and my career, and no doubt more importantly, maybe yours too.

That’s a problem all right, Mom.

We’ve certainly had our differences in the past, but this time, I think we can agree on one thing. You kind of fucked up. Let’s not sugar coat it, Mom–you dropped the ball. You have been singled out as one of the very few people–about two thousand, tops–who changed the fate of a nation though your ignorance.

Blatant, obstinate, and complete ignorance. You knew what you were voting for, and you knew how important it was because I called you twice that day, and I’m sure your astrologer told you the same thing. But you failed to check your work. I recall being punished for the same thing, except the wishes of the country didn’t rely on my long division.

Sorry, Mom. Better luck next time, when you’re past retirement age and have an unemployed historian as an only son. I wonder how this is my fault this time, what with you soon to be elderly and unemployed? I took a page out of your book and tried to blame Ralph Nader. Then you called me, and I realized that this election came down to incompetent fools like you, and strict with the script, you screwed up.

Maybe you should listen to a couple of my friends.

People, do you have anything to say to my Mom, one of the few people who through their stupidity and by default represented about fifty thousand voters each without reading their ballots? Let’s not be shy. After all, we’re here to fight ignorance, and this example is a fucking duesy.

Sofa. Wow. Sorry about your youth, man. Sorry about your lousy mother. Sorry that the next administration may eliminate your job, screw the environment, erode civil rights, etc.

But, um, I can’t find it in me to blame your mom for Gore’s [apparent] loss in Fla. Humans are fallible, imperfect beings — witness the 49 million who intentionally voted for Bush! If 2000 mistaken ballots in Florida swing the election, that says more about Gore’s imperfections than those of the Palm Beach voters.

You have a whole list of evils in your life for which you’ve blamed your mother; let me ask you something about that. Does it make you more or less free of her influence if you lay the fate of the nation at her feet?

Hi Mama Sofa Queen…I’d like to introduce you to White Mama Southern Bigot…we won’t go into the details of how she screwed up her kids but perhaps next election you guys can get together and come to a collective decision. Because even though White Mama lives on about a 600 dollar a month pension with 100 bucks if that social security, puts out over 100.00 of it to Medicare/Health care coverage, even though she believes in a woman’s right to choose, White Mama voted for Bush because she just couldn’t vote along with the Niggers. She is sick of them, their big loud mouths and their arrogance. So she decided to vote against them. Yesterday she went to the unemployment office and thought she was in Harlem. All the workers were niggers all the people standing in line were niggers. She’s just tired of them all.

Well, maybe not, you and she do have some basic differences, you’re old too and, may not see that well, and may have endured a crowded chaotic polling place. Your ballot did look a little confusing to me. White Mama after all didn’t have to worry about any of these problems. She lives in a small town, with helpful poll volunteers, easy to read ballots, and no waiting lines. Hell there aren’t even any niggers to stand in line with.

Sorry Sofa…sometimes we have to do our best to be strong and rise above this shit. It’s a hard climb but I don’t intend to give up. Here take my hand we’ll climb out of this shit legacy they’ve handed us together.

Needs2know

Hell, my childhood wasn’t any worse than that of millions of other people–and a damn sight better than some.

Reflecting on my above post, and many of the others I’ve made in the past few days, it’s painfully obvious to me that I’m not trying hard enough to understand how so many people can see things differently from my own view. I’m bitter, angry, and randomly lashing out at any target I can find. That ain’t right. I’m going to have to work on that.

As far as my mother goes, yeah, she’s an obstinate, abusive, sociopathic technophobe. So why should I expect anything else from her?

Carry on.

Apparently, a lot of younger people also found the ballot confusing.
Your mother was not the only one.
There’s a special hearing going on right now, I believe.