Eulogy for Democracy

Great Debates
1

The usual subjects are staging an inaugural protest tomorrow, & I’ve been asked to deliver the Eulogy for Democracy.

(Is it because I am an ordained minister in the Universal Church, Lite? Is it because I am a powerful public speaker that makes Jesse Jackson look like Walter Mitty? Is it because I look good in black? Or is it because “They” know I never pass up a chance to hear myself talk?)

So, help the Rev. Dr. Pinky write the eulogy for democracy – send me your best post-election insights, and choose from among many virtual bumperstickers as thanks:

· Re-elect Gore in 2004
· Don’t Blame Me, I Voted for Buchanan (I think)
· Another Landslide for Nobody!

I’m not a committed writer…why, do you think I should be?

2

Dear Dr. Pinky,

The Federal Republic we live in is alive and well.

Yours Truly,

Nit Picky

3

Er, democracy? What country are you talking about?

(besides – they’ve counted all the ballots in those three Florida counties a fourth time now and Bush still won by hundreds of votes)

4

Thanks Picky, I was misinformed.

There were no missing ballot boxes, no early closing of polls, no polling places that ran out of ballots, no people turned away from the polls, no harassment of minority voters by the police, no widespread fraud and chicanery. There wasn’t even any semblence of impropriety anywhere. It’s business as usual.

Move along, peeps. Nothing to see here.

Contrary to early reports, the USS Republic was not torpedoed off the coast of Florida by illegal butterflies.

Yours,

Pinky

(I knew I should have opened this in the Pit. My ability to carry on cogent and civil discourse is somewhat limited.)

Of course, everything being fine and above board leaves a lot less opportunity for street theater.

5

List o’ Bumper stickers:

[ul]
UNPRESIDENTED!

Jews for Buchanan

My parents retired to Florida, and all I got was this lousy President

Disney gave us Mickey, Florida gave us Dumbo

DON’T THROW AWAY YOUR VOTE…
LET KATHERINE HARRIS DO IT FOR YOU

Bush trusts the people, but not if it involves counting (or a choice)

Now do you understand the importance of user-testing?

To you I’m a drunk driver; to my friends, I’m presidential material!

One person, one vote (may not apply in certain states)

I DIDN’T VOTE FOR HIS DADDY EITHER

IT AIN’T OVER 'TIL YOUR BROTHER COUNTS THE VOTES

The election can’t be broken. We just fixed it.

The skies (wheeze) of Texas (cough) are upon you! (choke)

Banana Republicans

George W. Bush: The President Quayle We Never Had

The last time somebody listened to a Bush,
folks wandered in the desert for 40 years

Campaign spending: $184,000,000.
Having your little brother rig the election for you: Priceless.[/ul]

I wish you well, and I wish I could be there. And I wish I didn’t have to deal with George W. Bush’s obnoxious self for the next four years. Please goddess, just prevent him from doing anything environmentally evil…almost anything else can be undone…

Oh, and no Supreme Court justices…

6

Just my humble opinion, of no consequence whatsoever to this diatribe masquerading as a debate:

Until you or any official investigating agency shows evidence to the contrary, there were no missing ballot boxes, no early closing of polls, no polling places that ran out of ballots, no people turned away from the polls, no harassment of minority voters by the police, no widespread fraud and chicanery. There wasn’t even any semblence of impropriety anywhere.

It wasn’t business as usual, of course, as over a month of indecision clearly showed, but allegations and innuendo are poor substitutes for evidence, much less proof, of any substantial acts of wrongdoing.

Go chase some Black Helicopters.

7

That’s a very interesting opinion, ExTank.

(You are right about the diatribe, however. Never post drunk; never post after 3 coffees washed down with 2 espressos.Mod, help me out here.)

Rule by law hasn’t become rule by lawyers.

The election wasn’t a coup d’etat by legal brief.

And it won’t be until you can prove it in those same courts.

(Oh, jeez, there he goes again…)

8

Fromt his week’s Onion:

For the rest, go here:

9

:eek: I knew it! the Black Helicopters scared the “minority” voters from the polls! Only the non-minorities were smart enough to wear their tin-foil hats! This only proves the “Bell Curve” was right!

I mean, really people: if you aren’t intelligent enough to make a helmet out of aluminum foil to keep out the alien satellite broadcasts controlling your mind, have you really earned the right to vote?

10

Oh. So you’re Bush’s new personal aide. Congrats.

11

Gore voter here, avid supporter of the recounts, and someone who generally thinks American would have been better off if the Bush ancestors had never gotten on the boat (now there’s an idea - Dubya instead of Hague as Tory leader. :))

My advice - grow up.

  1. Lawyers don’t rule - they serve. So it’s “Rule of clients” you really wanted to say.

  2. “coup d’etat by legal brief” is an oxymoron.

  3. Just because the mechanics of democracy failed doesn’t mean that democracy failed. We’re going to prove that tomorrow - we will witness the 43rd peaceful transfer of power.

  4. Even if the shenanigans you mention actually happened, this country has survived much worse. Just because you’re alive when this happened doesn’t make it more devastating.

  5. If what you’ve written is your criteria, your eulogy is 124 years too late - democracy died when Garfield was inaugurated.

Sua

12

Pot, this is kettle…

13

That went well. It was bitter cold rain, but who wants to attend a funeral on a sunny day.

About 30 people (not counting media) gathered at the Federal Building, including Vietnam Vets, the Alaska Legal Services staff, a former candidate for state senate, a couple Greenies, some Dems, two anarchists, a Libertarian and a Baha’i (who aren’t suppose to be involved in politics, right?). This was 4 times the turnout we expected (and got our march waiver on. Whoops.) We marched to the capitol steps, and I delivered the eulogy. Someone gave me a top hat, and I got to wear my clerical collar, which is always fun. Thank you to everyone who participated, especially those who cared enough to offer advice. (Thanks for the free counsel, Sua. It was priceless.)

Your bumperstickers are in the mail.

Eulogy for Democracy

Dearly Bereaved Brothers and Sisters – we gather together today to mourn the sinking of the USS Republic, torpedoed off the coast of Florida by illegal butterflies. All hands were lost. I know; I counted. Oh, a few tried to swim to shore, but four old men (and a woman) in black dresses picked them off.

I stood on a rocky outcrop and watched as the storm raged. I followed the spectacle from the moment the mighty ship dropped her anchor, until she was swallowed by the roiling boil. I watched as roadblocks were set up, polling places were moved without notice; and thousands of people were illegally purged from the voter rolls.

Not surprisingly, no official autopsy was performed. There was no time for that. Without an autopsy, without an officially sanctioned investigating agency showing evidence to the contrary, it’s all just allegations and innuendo. Conspiracy theory. Nothing worthy of the evening news. There were no missing ballot boxes, no early closings, no harassment of minority voters by the police, no widespread fraud and chicanery. There wasn’t any semblance of impropriety anywhere. It was business as usual.

Move along peeps, the mouthpiece said; there’s nothing to see here. There’s nothing to see, only the uneasy feeling that the little lever you pulled wasn’t really connected to anything.

No, there was nothing but a deadline… a deadline, and a body that had to be in the box and buried. And if it took the concerted efforts of Jeb, Xavier Suarez and his vote-fraud convicted staff, Justices Scalia and Thomas, Katherine Harris, and the entire Electoral College to shove the corpse in the coffin, so be it.

Because it’s not quite done kicking get. This is just the afternoon of the living dead.

John Dewey said, “So long as politics is the shadow cast on society by big business, the attenuation of the shadow will not change the substance”. And a long dark shadow has fallen across our nation this afternoon.

But eclipses don’t last forever.

Hail to the thief. Democracy, rest in peace. Wake refreshed. Kick some butt.

14

As mentioned above Democracy is not dead. What has suffered irrepairable damage is the public’s perception that elected officials care more about the rule of law than their own political fortunes.

Yes, this nation will go on. Yes, we will continue to vote in future elections. I just do not think that many Americans will be able to delude themselves that their vote is an inviolable declaration of their will.

Nixon’s crooked administration forever changed the public’s willingness to trust their elected officials to do the right thing. As Bush’s claims of centrist orientation fall away like a gauzy stage scrim, his true agenda peeks out from under the hem of his right wing appointments. People will not soon believe the claims of any politician after this blatant charade.

The hit to our political system’s own credibility is incalculable. The inevitable backwash of public cynicism will only further slow the healing of this partisan inflicted wound. To be sure, there is plenty of blame to go around. It is just that in the midst of their self-congratulation the republicans have yet to realize the magnitude of disdain and displeasure that they have incurred. When the full measure of the people’s wrath finally manifests it will be far too late for the republican’s to repair the damage.

To have flagrantly thrust their will upon the American people will result in a discrediting only thought possible for those guilty of treason. Indeed it is the flaunting of all once held dear by the people that will eventually come back to haunt the republicans for years, if not decades to come.

15

And you’re pushing the idea that Gore lost because Jeb was in charge of Florida? What about the 4 or 5 other states where there were problems? Are we not focusing on them because they aren’t worth anything? Isn’t everyone worth listening to, not just people in populous states?

get over it, we’ll all be fine as a nation.

16

Grow up. Get over it.
Besides, our 15 second attention span can’t …
what were you saying?

Vote fraud, that’s like so 20th century…

17

Grow up?

He’s not the one standing in the rain, spouting pompous bullshit.

18

Hmmm, are you implying I was a tad over-the-top? Guilty. :o :smiley:
Perhaps I’m a tad defensive, but it ticks me off when lawyers are blamed for advocating the position of their greedy, morally bankrupt clients. It wasn’t an attorney who sued to stop the recounts, it was George W. Bush.

And Zenster, while I agree the damage is severe, I disagree it’s irreperable. A democracy that survived Boss Tweed, Boss Platt, and Ulysses S. Grant will recover from the puny machinations of Dubya and his cronies. The man lacks the gravitas to do any serious damage.

Sua

19

Wow. Akido rhetoric – talk about using the weight of one’s opponent against him (or her)…

I applaud you, Doc Pink. Excellent speech. You the mostest, man.

Can I have a bumper sticker too?

20

Well spoken Sua, I can only hope that you are right. The degree of damage perceived here in the states is orders of magnitude less than the international perception.

Sadly, we must hold our collective breaths and hope that no further harm is done due to oval office blunders. I shudder to think of what may happen with the reins of power in the hands of this over-hyped frat boy.

I personally attribute a degree of the economic turmoil we are currently experiencing to the obvious lack of credibility in the incoming administration. The interplay between Bush and Greenspan reminded me of the first meeting between Rabin and Arafat.