I really need to keep away from microphones. I’ve done it all, called out a blue light special on dildos at K-mart, asked for a price check on 6 oz cans of Iams Cat’s-Ass flavored cat food at the grocery store, paged “Ben Dover” at the mall. Today is a case in point. I was at the WAWA filling up on gas. The clerks were microphone happy, announcing things like “Pump one, you are authorized for $6.17 exactly”(true). When I went in to pay, I asked the clerk what the highest number pump they had was, she said “12”. I grabbed the mic and announced: “Attention, customers, there is an additional ten cents off gas at pump 13.”
I think I have a problem.
[sub]TeeHee, but it was fun watching all those people look for pump 13…[/sub]
In the music industry certain people are known to suffer from ‘LV (Lead Vocal) Syndrome’. These people always use the microphone like it is some sort of control tool that they can use to shout down the masses. They are easliy identified by the repeated use of the expressions ‘can you turn me up’ and ‘I can’t hear myself’. This isn’t exactly related to your problem but there are other microphone related sufferers.
My advice to you is to go to a pawn shop and tell them you are in a band and looking for a nice mic/amp combo. You should have at least a good 5 minutes of fun before the cops arrive…
When I worked at a local Albertson’s when I was in high school another lackey and I had fun with the store intercom all the time. The most popular of course were the old joke where one person calls out something and the other acts it out…
Ilene, Ilene to the front please
Bob to the front please.
Wanda, wanda to the front please. (Wander aimlessly to the front)