Years ago I had a supervisor who was, well, a doofus. He had a large dolphin mobile hanging from the ventilation grate on his cieling, so a bunch of us started an incredibly subtle torture – we moved it about an inch every night for several weeks, eventually moving it all over the place. We also swapped books in his bookcase, but only books that were next to each other, to be sublime in our subtlety. It’s about ten years later, and we occasionally talk about it. We theorize that we set in motion a sense of uncertainty and fear in his mind, and are confident that it’ll eventually manifest itself.
Meanwhile, as proof that we’ve addled his brain, the guy has been promoted about six times. Just you wait, Mr. Doofus…
A friend of mine moved a cow-orker’s desk back a small amount each day so that he had less and less room to work. Each day she would stroke his ego by asking him “Are you working out? You look like you’re bulking up?”
After a few weeks of strutting around the office, he discovered her ruse and was PO’d for about a month!
A few years ago a collegue and I figued out the secret code to use that would allow you to make an announcement over the speakers throughout the entire facility. We utilized the other features of our phone system to have all kinds of fun.
For example:
-Transfer a phone sex line to the intercom.
-Set up a three way call between techs in two different clean rooms (where the intercom didn’t work) and the intercom. Listen to three minutes of small talk before “so why did you call” “you called me.”
-Transfer a friend on the outside to the pager. Have the friend scream and carry on like a freaking maniac.
But…what if the president has a big cock? Fred might get a raise .
Well, an evil co-worker of mine wrote up a really embarrassing staff recommendation in the name of another (relativly innocent) co-worker. Unfortunatly that would be kind of specific to book and record stores.
Once, when the bosses were gone for a week, I started an office pool ($5 a player) for people who would guess how many hours a particularly lazy co-worker would be in the office that week, with the bettable ranges going from 15-45. The winner guessed correctly (26 hours) and won $80!
No, I did not get into trouble when they found out (as they eventually would.)
If somebody wears a hat try this :- buy six identicle hats but of different sizes. Every time the person hangs up their hat substitute it for one of a different size . The person will think their head is either getting bigger or smaller.
If your mark has an office with a door, try this one. Wait until they leave for some vacation time–a week is pretty much the minimum away time for this to work. Lay plastic tarps over the rug and then cover the plastic with 1-1 1/2 inches of topsoil from the home and garden store. Finish with a liberal dusting of grass seed. Add water once a day. Wait. Gro-lites are optional, but usually not necessary.
It helps to have a very liberal office setting, a tolerant cleaning staff. Cash gifts for said cleaning staff and a willingness to haul dirt-covered tarps with them are also must-haves. But it’s worth it.
One that I’ve done. I went to Wal-Mart’s garden section, and there they have various plastic frogs, lizards that have a motion sensor that when set off makes a noise, presumably to scare off pests in the garden.
So, anyway, I bought a lizard, about $6 I think, and used the packing tape to tape it under a co-workers desk. It was kind of tricky, because I think these things have to have enough light to work, but I wanted it to be back far enough under his desk to be unobtrusive. Anyway, since I placed it close to his computer on the floor, he spent most of the day trying to figure out what I did to his computer before discovering the lizard.
Office pranks…gotta love 'em. Although there are some “universal” classic office pranks, “personalized” pranks, devised specifically with that special someone in mind, usually ignite the biggest laughs.
Some of my favorites:
When a co-worker steps away from their pc, change their print settings to print two copies of everything, rather than one. Look on with concern as the MIS (your company’s computer dept) guys scratch their heads trying to determine what the problem is. Refrain from laughing at the clueless ‘specialists’, who will proceed to take apart the entire gadget to get to the root of this “major” printing error.
2.Ridding their desk of all that unnecessary “clutter”. I don’t mean re-arranging their set-up, or moving their penholder 1.8 millimeters to the left…I’m talking about keyboard, phone, monitor, pens, mousepad, coffee mugs…everything…gone (and hidden in an empty filing cabinet or behind a potted plant). This is highly effective and especially amusing when done while the co-worker is on a 4 minute cigarette break.
Strategically place several tiny pin holes in their unattended drink (soda cans or water bottles work best). Proceed to watch and snicker as your co-worker shakes their head, thinking, “Now, how on earth did I miss my mouth? I must be a little off today…” Yeah, you must be.
I don’t think this one works anymore but it was fun while it lasted. I used to work for Xerox, in their software division. Their desktop environment at the time had a way remap the user’s keyboard in software. I was the new kid and spent a lot of time learning obscure pieces of the software, and one day I discovered this. When coworkers would leave their offices, I’d sneak in and remap their QWERTY keyboards to Dvorak. The physical keyboard, of course, looked identical, but the keys were reassigned. It was great watching them try to figure out what happened to their machines.
Winterhawk, you can still remap your keyboard under W98 to Dvorak or any other language that you might have installed. Click on Start, Settings, Control Panel, double-click on Keyboard, click on the language tab, click on properties, and using the drop down menu, select a language. You might need the installation disk, though…
There is an extension called PowerOrgasm that plays Meg Ryan’s orgasm sound from When Harry Met Sally at bootup. Turn up the victim’s speakers for best effect. Email me if you want it.
Put the Shut Down DA (usually in the Apple Menu) in the Startup Items folder. When the victim boots the computer, it will boot normally, then shortly before the Finder loads, the system will activate the Shut Down DA and invoke a system shutdown. Start up with the shift key held down to disable extensions and thus be able to remove the Shut Down DA from the Startup Items folder.
On that note, you could just replace any system sound with any .wav file you happen to have. Maybe some porn .wavs?
That’s always a good idea. The longer the .wav size the longer it will take for said operation to commence. Find a good 2 minute .wav file and put it in a commonly used sound place, ah, for instance “boing” or some error message. I dunno, but you get the idea.
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