Hitchhiker's Guide fans, I would like a moment of your time

…to brag!

Because I have just acquired, through months of patient searching, bargaining, haggling, international intrigue, and intergalactic destruction, a mint-condition leather-bound set of the five volumes of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy trilogy, signed by Douglas Adams. Just like this one here, but not for nearly as much money. (This poor chump has been trying to sell his for more than three months now. I offered to take them off his hands if he dropped the ridiculous price, but he wouldn’t budge. Sucks for him, cause now I got my own!)

You may proceed to worship me now.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some reading to do.

What did you pay?

I got all five books in one volume plus the Zaphod short story for seven dollars. I bet it reads just the same as your dead cow books. So no, no worship from me, unless thinking “sucker” constitutes worship.

I raise a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster in your honor.

Five and a half books in one wrist spraining volume? Seven bucks?

I’m wondering just who the sucker is here.

Hey, man. Some guys kill hookers, I collect expensive books. It’s a weakness.

Dangit, I was feeling good about getting a deal on the Marvin the Paranoid Android doll I bought yesterday, and now you’re making me all jealous.