If you know any lawyers, I’d contact one. A call from your lawyer might get her off your back for a bit. There may well be laws about when and how often she can call you, too.
Can’t offer anything but good wishes lissener. But for what little it’s worth, you have those.
I don’t want to violate the SDMB’s rules against legal advice, but couldn’t a lawyer also do something about the fact that THE PEOPLE YOU HIRED STOLE YOUR STUFF? Paying for sorting and cleaning is not the same thing as requesting that people destroy your property and remove all your valuables. The cleaners may well have specifically searched for everything valuable in your house (silver Buddha head, yes?) to resell to make a little extra on your $1000.
Yeah, I was going to say … you might want to keep an eye on ebay or craigslist for a while. It sounds pretty fishy really, even if they did clean your latrine. Best of luck with your new web site.
The cleaning husband just called me; seems they went over their budget and there’s a balance due.
Um . . . :eek:
You took things off the top shelf of my closet and “threw them away.” You “threw away” only the most valuable of my ceramics collection; you left the rest behind. You “threw away” the 8 different silver rings that were on the window sill of my bedroom (from my 8-silver-rings period). You “threw away” a Stetson-brand hat in a Stetson-brand hatbox. You boxed all of my old, cheap DVDs; the used ones that I’ve bought for a few bucks apiece over the years, but you “threw away” the stack of new-release DVDs that was on top of the TV.
As far as I’m concerned, I was robbed. Looted.
His demanding more money decided me: I’m lodging a complaint with the BBB.
Their budget is their problem. Unless there was a clear understanding that these extra charges could be incurred, tell them to go fuck themselves.
As for your situation, I know it’s cold comfort, but they’re just things. It sucks to lose your things, but just things they are. You’ve got your job back (and how often does THAT happen?) You’ve got a sideline business. More things can be acquired. Just work towards the point in the future when you can be the one dispensing the comfort and advice.
Yeah, pretty much where I’m at–except for the whole homeless thing; that’ll be a new experience. Hopefully won’t last more than a couple weeks.
I just keep going over the irreplaceable things: the sweaters I made; the antique bit of porcelain coral that I’ve NEVER seen anywhere, at anytime, no matter how many hundreds of times over the years I’ve searched for similar pieces on eBay; the Hermes Scarf that was discontinued in the 80s and goes as high as $600 on eBay–I don’t see myself ever buying that. On the other hand, if I’d known it was gonna be stolen, I’d certainly rather have sold it . . .
Oh my god, here’s the only other “copy” I’ve ever found of my Hermes scarf, and this person cut it up and made some kind of retarded little POUCH out of it!!! WTF?
Honestly, you really did not care about these things. If you did you would have either taken care of them or removed them before you hired a “dire needs” sort and throw out company. I am sure that the Hermes scarf that you are so distraught about was buried under grease from old pizza boxes, floor funk and whatever you allowed to live in your bathroom. It is almost like as the industrial cleaners came in, you discovered strata of lives past that you miss. Do not confuse good feelings about times past with your current life. You need to take this experience and decide where you want to be next year.
I know that what I am saying sounds harsh. It always sounds that way when you live in the minute. I have lived there and I sucked it up and worked my ass off to give up the minute. It took me a little while to realize that in the minute **keturah **was royally fucking up tomorrow’s keturah.
Once you can take care of yourself the rest flows a bit better. I hope the best for you.
For what it’s worth, the sweaters that were “thrown away” were lain over a box of books. They were not on the floor. And again, if you read above, things were removed from the top shelf of my closets. A hat in a hatbox, for instance. The scarf was on the floor of a bedroom closet with a bunch of other scarves and a duffle bag full of about 100 hats I had knitted over the years as experiments. There was no food detritus or pizza grease anywhere near the closet. All the shoes, socks, knitted stuff, etc., that was in the bedroom closet is gone.
One other thing I just noticed is gone: I had one of those Rubbermaid things? A couple drawers on wheels? Full of craft things: a hundred different colored pencils; knitting needles; an electric pencil sharpener; knitting grid paper. And a Montblanc Pen that I bought myself in 1986 with my first paid writing check. That Rubbermaid thing is empty.
Again, if you really cared about these valuable things that you carefully left at the top of your closet, if those sweaters that were laid over boxes of books were removed before you hired a cleaner that takes care of death scenes and hoarders houses I would understand. I honestly believe that your house was out of control. You have to realize that your idea of sorting and other peoples will differ. If you had so many very valuable things, maybe you could have unearthed them and sold them to pay rent, right?
Lissener, I’m terribly sorry that this has happened to you. FWIW, if it was me, I’d call them back and explain that if things weren’t made right, I was going to the Police to report this as a crime. No idle threat either - it seems very hard to believe that this salvage company immediately permanently destroys each and every thing removed. I would think a reputable firm would put everything recovered to one side for a week in case of exactly this kind of ‘mistake’. The fact that a lot of the things taken were of clear value to the layman, such as your Mont Blanc pen and Hermes scarf make me suspicious.
As to your landlady, I would have a last try and reason with her, pointing out she got in because you were cleaning and that now the apartment will be clean in future. That furthermore, you are once again in paid employment and discuss how you can therefore make good on the back rent in the coming months. If she says no, you really haven’t lost anything for trying. If she doesn’t budge, I’m very sorry but it is better you get as much notice as you can and yes, I’d definitely speak to your boss about staying at the store.
Keep your chin up - this is a sucky spot to be in but the important thing is you have a job. This will pass.
I’m not going to argue with you, keturah, since it’s clear that that’s all your interested in, but if they had told me honestly–like the services I called first–that they don’t sort, they just dump wholesale–I would’ve stayed and worked with them and sorted myself. This is not a condition or a situation I invented: this service claimed to be experienced in cleaning “hoarding” situations, and they explicitly told me that they knew exactly what to do and that they did, indeed, sort.
I might almost buy the differing ideas of the word “sort” if they hadn’t taken things that clearly were not part of the general mess, and were clearly of value. Explain how a differing idea of “sorting” justifies taking 8 silver rings off a window sill? A stetson hat in a stetson hatbox of the top shelf of a closet? Do you honestly want to try to tell me they threw those away because they “sorted” them as garbage? Again, clearly you’re only interested in arguing, because that just makes no sense at all.
And yes, I certainly would’ve removed my valuable things if I had any inkling that to them “sort” meant “dump wholesale without sorting.”
lissener,
My heart aches for your sad tales. I am so sorry for the hurt you are going through. If you are in my vicinity (Calgary, AB), perhaps I can help you out a little.
I have recently undergone some very hard times myself and know what it is like to feel like the world is ending.
Can I help you in any way?
I am not trying to argue, really. The thing is, when people sort, if something has been buried in 3 months worth of crap they do not take time to understand that if they just washed it then it would be valuable. You gave them one day to clear what you have accumuated in months of not being able to even take out your own trash. You couldn’t even face it. It was foul. Again, if you wanted things sorted-grab your Hermes scarf, your sweaters and buddah head. You certainly know that they could not read your mind with regards to what was importand or not to you.
lissener, they have obviously taken advantage of you and robbed you. This wasn’t trash and they had no reason to “sort” it to the town dump. Is there free legal aid where you live?
I see some people telling you what you “should” have done and talking about your actions as if you had some control over them. If you were lying in the floor bleeding, would they tell you that you shouldn’t bleed?
The inertia that you feel is no comfort to you. It weighs you down and you can grow to hate yourself for not being able to get the first thing done. I know because I haven’t been able to give my mother her Christmas presents yet. They are on the dining room table at the bottom of a pile of just stuff. And then boxes of more stuff and then just boxes.
I don’t feel depressed so much anymore, but everything is so out of control because I was depressed – and now I don’t have the physical energy to get it all straightened out.
I really do know what it feels like to be physically and emotionally “frozen” so that you become incapable of doing anything.
I understand your wanting to get rid of a lot of the rest. I’ve daydreamed about it myself. I heard a discription of an early settler and his lifestyle that appealed to me. When he wanted to move on, all he had to do was “Call the dog and put out the fire…” Such an unfettered life does have its appeal.
I would have to have my notebook and a good cheap pen. The notebook is actually a leather case that holds spiral notebooks. I’ve had it since 1973 and it goes with me everywhere.
The main thing that you can’t afford is to let money come between you and staying alive. So if you get to the point where you have an impulse to get it over with, you have got to forget the money issue and get yourself to a safe place. Just put yourself on automatic and do it. But right now one of the first things I would do is to see what kind of help the state offers. If you can’t do it yourself, get a friend to call around. Even a Doper friend who lives in the same state or city.
And let us know what you need and how we can help. This is not your fault, kiddo. You have described the symptoms of an illness that many of us have had or still struggle with.
Chin up.
lissener, FWIW, even though the results of the cleaning are working out in upsetting ways, the fact that you were able to call those cleaners and set that up in the first place is a hugely positive step for you. You found the strength to start addressing your problems. And you showed that you’re not a hoarder; no hoarder could have made that call.
Try to stay focused on the positives in your life. You have a job and a side project. It sounds like you have no substance-abuse problems; resisting those temptations is a major victory in itself. Dig up the same strength you used to call those cleaners and keep going to work. As long as you have steady income, problems with the rent can stay manageable.
Are there friends that you can call for support while you’re gong through this? Even if the call has to start with, “I’m sorry; I know I’ve alienated you in a lot of ways, but I’d like to make a new start”? Having someone to talk to IRL can be a real comfort.
You need therapy. You’re carrying around a heavy burden from your early life that it doesn’t sound like you’ve ever been able to address. An SSRI could probably do wonders to stabilize you, and maybe even get back on track to some sort of job that would carry enough benefits or just enough cash for you to get some talk therapy to work through the scars from the past. There may be some free mental-health resources in your area.
Yes, there can be a dawn after the darkest night. Please try to break the cycle this time.
Wow, thank you, every word of this resonated with me. I still have a package I’ve never sent to my best friend in chicago. Luckily it’s at work and so survived the tsunami, but every day I look at it and make a mental note to take care of that tomorrow. Every day. I just put it in my bag, which at least is one step closer.
And the image of the settler with the dog: yeah, a fantasy of mine too. I sometimes produce alpha waves when I can’t sleep by imagining myself with a dog and a backpack in an unknown little town, or something of a similar nature. Like pulling myself out of a sea of tarry possessions, scraping off the residue, and walking away. It helps, oddly, to think of such horrors as concentration camps, e.g., to remind me that humans are capable of surviving MUCH worse than my petty little Crisis of Stuff.
I’m going to sincerely disagree with the blasting of the cleaning people.
It’s not their job to identify valuable or important items. It’s their job to clear out the hoard. I’m not clear on how their failure to identify a Stetson hat in a box as valuable is a robbery.
lissener, forget it, blow it off. Fuck it. Do not sucuumb to the temptation of blaming the cleaners. Just move on.
You say that in the case of a fire you would have grabbed X or Y. But X or Y wasn’t really available for you to grab or you would have grabbed them before leaving. So, yeah, think of it like a fire. Don’t think about you would have done or could have done. Think “A disaster happened and I escaped with my life and that’s what’s important.”
I would still complain to whomever, not for yourself since there’s probably not much that will happen to make things right for you, but you might be able to help someone else–and that might be something that will help you feel better about what has happened.
The older I get, the fewer things I like having around me, so take my words with that grain of salt.