Right, but not, like, goop and bandages and shit.
Especially not that last one, literally speaking.
Stop assuming that the reason I do not celebrate Christmas is either 1) militant atheism or 2) financial crap.
I have a religion. It just isn’t yours. I have my own holidays, I feel no need to celebrate the birth of your Saviour nor engage in your ceremonial acts of material excess. This does not mean that I burn Christians at the stake (well, not often anyway ;)).
I am not a cheap-ass. We, too, exchange gifts near the solstice, though not so many as you do and tradition dictates they must all be handmade. I understand that many of you sloppily handmake gifts to fulfill your Christmas obligations with the least effort, but I have put a lot of time, money and thought into what I am creating for each of my loved ones. I would prefer not to be insulted for doing so.
Beginning in early November, I put up with music so godawful half of you can’t even stand it. I allow your horrid decorations to stand undamaged and refrain from telling your children the truth about that fat fellow. The least you can do is offer my faith and others the same respect and courtesy I give to your practices year-round.
Perhaps not. But according to her, it was bleeding pretty bad. (Do grease burns usually bleed like that?)
BTW, when I talked about her walking down the street to get a lottery ticket, I’m talking about maybe, oh, three blocks on a day when it was in the 90s, the humidity was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
For your average person, you’d get down there, and yeah, you’d be hot and sweaty, but no big deal. BUT, you have this little old lady in her nineties with a bad heart, who’s on oxygen. And she never uses her portable tank unless we push her to.
Now, this is the local beer distributor, that has been there since my grandparents moved in, they know our family, and when she got there, she could barely move. They kept insisting on driving her back down the street, but she absolutely refused.
My mother and I didn’t find out until WE came to visit the following week and went down to pick her up a few tickets, and they told us what happened. Then we went back and gave her hell about it.
(I also wish she’d stop trying to give me money. At least this time it was only five bucks. Usually it’s twenty dollars, and I stuff it back into the buffet drawer, but I think she’s on to me, because she told me not to do this time. 
I guess I’ll have to take it and when we go grocery shopping for her, use it then.)
The local community paper has published their annual “letters to Santa” feature, which showcases a handful of letters written by the local elementary school kids. I’m not sure why they do this. Things such as “I have bin a rilee good girl”, “I would like a Amaricin Doll Kit and some sprises”, and “i wont a scatbord and droms for crismos” are nothing but an embarrassment to the elementary school teachers.
Family Guy sure got this one right – “First in Flight, 48th in Education”.
My nose.
Please stop with the bleeding. I know why it’s happening and I’m really sorry, but can’t you just adapt? I forgot to line your passages with vaseline this morning and I apologize, but sheesh. You just had to let the flow spew forth while I’m staying in the nicest hotel I’ve ever been to. Good thing I felt the blood coming and was ready to catch it before it landed on the nice carpet.
You better not squirt while I’m asleep tonight. Blood comes out of bed linen, but I’d rather not be embarrassed while I’m staying in this fancy place.
Not sure why this is in a Christmas Rant Thread, but what the hey. Your nose is just being festive, giving you some red for the holiday season. 
BigT:
Isn’t the college aware of the reason you can’t show up on campus? I thought they were required to make reasonable accommodations for people with disabilities?
I really, really, really wanted to be able to add Mr. Horseshoe to my insurance for next year. His COBRA’s run out, so he’s uninsured right now. I wanted to fix that. Hell … I wanted to provide for him, do something for him in return. Payments for my own insurance are semi-reasonable, but holy crapspackle - adding him ballooned my payments until they nearly equalled our monthly rent. There’s just no way we can hack that. We’ll have to find some other way to get coverage for him. I’m sure we can find something, but I can’t shake how bad I feel that I can’t just provide this for him.
I love you, honey. Please don’t hurt yourself or catch anything worse than a cold till we get this figured out, okay?
I just applied to a job I think I’d be AWESOME at, with a company I would LOVE to work for, and as I clicked send, I noticed a fucking typo on my cover letter.
FUCK EVERYTHING.
Imagine working in retail, and experiencing Eight. Hours. Of. Christmas. Music. Every. Day.
I hope those assholes walking in a winter wonderland get eaten by rabid polar bears, and I want to take a hair dryer to Frosty.
Fucking grocery stores: Safeway has one checker working and Fred Meyer doesn’t have their specials loaded into the computer yet. Also, they seem to have hired the dumbest motherfuckers on the planet to work there.
I think that this is where many Dopers get overloaded on Xmas music, at work. I know that I used to have a much, much higher tolerance of Xmas music before I worked in retail. There’s still a few Xmas songs that I like, but the number is much lower now.
My daughter worked retail for a few years, too. Now, every Thanksgiving she’s very thankful that she no longer works retail.
Curses be upon shift work and the attendent bollocksed up sleeping patterns and insomnia, it’s leading me to argue in Great Debates when i have to be up for work in 4 hours. Also, icy pavements can cock off.
Secret Santa bullshit at TheKid’s school can go suck a reindeer dick. First off, it started the beginning on December, ends the 17th. Thirteen days. No guidelines for any of this, so TheKid is wanting to spend $5/day. She claims that the present on the last day is to be between $10 and $15.
So $70 some spent on a kid I don’t freakin’ know. Bullshit.
TheKid, yesterday, received a $1.00 ornament and assorted nickel candies. THAT makes sense. TheKid giving her giftee a $6 poster - not so much.
I don’t know if TheKid is trying to buy her giftee’s friendship, or if she wants it to look like we have money, but we don’t. Tonight we ended up squabbling in the middle of Target when I refused to pay $4.00 for some stupid hot chocolate and she then stated she was debating about giving her giftee $5.00 cash.
Email has been sent to the teacher asking WTF?
(And, while in the middle of Target I received a phone call informing me she skipped History. Again. Grr.)
All Secret Santas can go suck reindeer dick. At the last job I was at, there was an email sent out for everyone who wanted to participate in it. I didn’t respond because I wasn’t interested; I was notified of who I was to buy for because in the facilitator’s warped brain, no response meant you were in. I did, however, get a nice crock pot out of it, though. 
No shit. I put some thought into my Secret Santa, bought two movies, wrapped them carefully, and I got a ridiculous cheap makeup kit full of pink eyeshadow, pink blush and nailpolish. Never fucking agian. I couldn’t exchange it and I hate pink.
I asked for crayons. I wanted to keep it simple, and not get lame crap. Fuck Secret Santa with a habanero flavoured candycane.
But but but… If I do that, then that means you’re oppressing me, and being intolerant of my right to feel superior to you!
I just wish they would quit putting up christmas decorations before Thanksgiving
Shouldn’t being old enough to skip history be old enough to buy her own secret Santa presents with her own money?
Just sayin’.
Sorry 'bout the crappy makeup - I wouldn’t want that pink shit either! - but I am SO totally stealing that last phrase.