Spray your legs down with hairspray before you go out (after the hose are on, I mean)-- they’ll be less likely to run and wont bunch up by your knees or ankles.
Or you could just not wear hose like every woman on the planet who is under 57.
Did you know that falling down the stairs and breaking your tail bone hurts just as much the second time as it does the first time? yeah. It’s so fun.
It’s also so fun because I have a bajillion sewing projects left to finish in these last couple of weeks before Christmas and now it hurts like the dickens to sit at my sewing machine. Oh joy.
If three billion Chinese women can stand at their sewing machines then by god so can you.
Also, we’re cutting your caloric intake to 800 per day and checking your menstrual cycle stage as you come in and out of the bedroom every day. Hope you’re cool with that.
Just in time for seasonal festivities, of which there are many in this area, I’ve managed to fuck up my lower back. I was finally getting better yesterday and fucked it up again by doing something stupid. Now I get to see a doctor and beg for muscle relaxers. This follows right on the heels of having to get pain killers and a cortisone shot for my shoulder. My new doctor is sure to think I’m some sort of junky.
After the recent thread about wearing pantyhose to a formal event, we were checking out all the legs on Friday - I’d say the vast majority were wearing hose. It was about -10ºC that night (15F); it is probably mostly psychological, but I have a hard time bare-legging it in that kind of weather.
Were they wearing pantyhose or tights? I’d believe the vast majority were wearing tights, but pantyhose? Maybe if it was mostly older ladies.
Not only that, but you’d have thought Paul McFuckingCartney could have come up with something a little more creative and a lot less annoying than Wonderful Christmastime. Christ on a cracker, that is a terrible song.
You are so funny, Cat Whisperer. Everyone knows there are no calories in December. 
My stupid underwire keeps jabbing me in the chest.
…and your leg hair will be nice and managable!
Nope - there were a few wearing tights (and black tights look pretty stupid with a pretty holiday frock), but most were in pantyhose. Well, it looked like pantyhose - flesh-coloured tights and pantyhose look pretty much the same from a distance.
You are my new best friend. You can come sit over here and eat fruitcake and Christmas cookies with me!
OTOH at that particular point in the career that is exactly what I expected of The Pod Person From Planet Weenie Who Took Over Paul (credit: Dave Barry).
I can give no explanation though for my compatriot José Feliciano, whose big Xmas hit’s entire Spanish lyric is one single FIVE-WORD line of verse…
I hate that fucking song. He did a pretty good job on the BeeGees “First of May”, which could be considered sort of a Christmas song, since it at least has the words “Christmas trees” in it. Why don’t they ever play that one?
Six-words, thank you! Gosh.
Stop addressing my mockery with reasonable rebuttals.
WE’RE SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMPLY HAAAAAAAAAAAAVIN’ A WONDERFUL CHRISTMASTIME!!!
That’s… not normal. Sounds busted. Can you pitch it and just go braless 'til you get home? Or at least pull out the underwire?
For this I curse you with itchy undergarments for the rest of your life! And if you don’t wear any, then may your clothing be itchy all over!
Sorry, that was directed at **Brown Eyed Girl **for bringing the fucking thing up in the first place.
Sorry. 
I was attempting to ignore it, like I do everyday in my precious retail job, you sadistic bitch. 