Ahh, the holidays, a stressful time of year, let’s get some of that stress off of our chests!
Dear At&T Wireless,
You had technical difficulties with my phone for which I was forced to be on hold for over an hour. Then you told me I’d be lucky to get it working again in five days. Finally after you fixed it, you refused to tell me what went wrong so I can deal with it if you ever do it again. How the hell does tech. support have tech support. And then, when I paid my bill over the phone, you mysteriously lost the payment–claimed I never attempted to pay. Then turned my service off for failure to pay despite my Visa being debited. then I stay on hold for about another hour and you tell me that someone used my card to pay offf their account and that I too mught be attempting fraud with my own fucking credit card. I was trappped in New York in a snow storm with my cell phone being my only means of working that day (no real phone was available) You told me I had to talk to the frad dept. I spent 20 minutes on hold before your REPRESENTATIVE HUNG UP ON ME. The 2nd time I was on hold for about 45 minutes when you determined that somehow, your customer service rep had applied my payment to someone else’s phone bill and that was the whole frigging problem. My phone will work within the hour. (I could call out, but not receive). Five hours later, my phone still isn’t working and I have to call again–one hour on hold only to be told the request was never put in to turn it on and gee, this sure has been happening to a lot of people. I get paid a lot per hour, I think you owe me about $1,500. Thank God for phone0number portability!
Dear Office and IT guy,
Keep the fucking food away from me. Yes Mister IT guy, bet you can read this right now so stop it! X-mas time is wonderful and it’s great that we get such cool snacks to share, but STOP SHOVING IT DOWN MY THROAT. It’s easy to avoid high-calorie snacks when they’re safely in the kitchen, but don’t FUCKING PUT THEM ON MY DESK! I’ve told you people over and over again that I’m trying not to indulge and you think it’s funny because I’m skinny and why on earth would I need to be careful about what I eat? Fuckers! I’m skinny BECAUSE of that reason.
Mom, Dad, I love you to death, but when I come home for X-mas, if you mention wanting a grandkid before you die (58 and 56 respectively) one more freaking time I will make sure you will not live to see the day! I have chosen to keep my miscarriages from you as they were deeply disturbing to me and still very new pregnancies. Do you understand that each time you beg or whine about only having a Grand-dog rather than grandbabies you are basically punching me in my gut. And where do you get off pressuring me anyway? I’m my own person and will choose to do things when they are right for ME, unless you want me to have the baby and give it to you to raise. Hmm, wouldn’t like that would you?
SO, you better fish or cut bait buddy. We’ve been through some hard times and it’s shaken our relationship, but get the fuck in or out. I’m about to move away and start a new job. I’m about to tell you I’m ready to date others because you are never around anymore. So just realize this please so I can make my decision.
I have nothing to add, BBJ, except resounding applause, the suggestion to write an angry letter to the phone company (you’ll get a contrite reply if nothing else), and support on the SO thang - don’t hang on just because it’s easier than ending it!
Last year my mom started saying things like “It’s ok if you never get married dear - you can still have a fulfilling life without a husband and children…<SOB>”
FWIW, I’m 31. Yep, put me out to pasture, my time here is done.
Sorry to hear about your 'rents reaction, BBJ. Have you had a discussion similar to what you just posted (aside from the mention of your miscarriages)? If you told them flat-out that you having children will happen in your own time and please not to ask again, I’d hope that they’d accede to your wishes.
As for the SO problems, also very uncool. Your new job isn’t in Chicagoland, is it?
My own rant contributions:
To all our vendors – QUIT SENDING US CANDY AND CHOCOLATES! Just looking at them is starting to make me sick (as sweets is my total weakness and I can’t pass the candy dish without nabbing a piece… or two… or three…).
To my stupid company – I don’t WANNA go to Buffalo next week! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Stupid cold snowy Buffalo.
To my buddy’s wife – Look, I know you don’t like me or any of your husband’s friends; we know how to have fun and you don’t. I realize that. But don’t make him stay home from the party tonight just because you don’t want to go. Those are his friends that will be there, friends that he never sees anymore (because of YOU), and it would be super cool of you to let him go by himself. And please stop treating him like shit; I know he doesn’t mind but it pisses me off to see my friend getting treated like something that you scraped off the bottom of your shoe.
BBJ, you’re a lawyer, right? Write the phone company a letter that will scare their children’s children. I feel your pain, I went through kind of the same thing with Dell not too long ago (there’s a rant about it on here somewhere if you’d want to waste the time searching).
As far as the food thing goes, I feel you on that one too. I’m vegan and the holidays are a gargantuan pain in the ass. If I had a dollar for every guilt trip someone tried to put on me for not indugling in all of the holiday goodies, all my shopping would be paid for!
As far as the baby thing, I’m not getting any pressure yet since I’m still in school and fairly young (26 in a few days, yee haw) but my stepfather will not let up with the “I don’t know what’s wrong with boys around here and why they can’t see what a catch you are!” I haven’t not been dating anyone for the past 4 years. He’ll gave that spewl when I was in a long-term relationship last year. The hell?? Christ, if you think someone’s not good enough for me (as most dads think about their daughters S.O’s) say so. Don’t pretend like I’m not dating anyone when I am.
Sorry about your S.O. troubles and your miscarriages.
Thanks for the comiseration from y’all! Cowgirl, I odn’t know what to do about the SO, I don’t think he realizes what’s about to happen. Grrr!
Alice sooo with ya girl. My mom once told me there’s something wrong with a woman who isn’t married by 28. Well thanks mom!
C’mon let’s bitch about X-mas bonuses or children with unreasonable requests from Santa. C’mon X-mas isn’t all full of joy and love–there’s angst too!!!
Oh, hell, I started getting that from my grandmother at 22. Never mind that we were at my 27 year old cousin’s wedding, and my own GRANDMOTHER didn’t marry until she was 28. I kept asking my parents if I could tell her that I was a lesbian just to scare her (actually, my grandparents are surprisingly liberal when it comes to that, but my grandmother’s worst fear is that my female cousins and I won’t marry and be ‘taken care of’.).
And now that I AM engaged and getting married, we both get “When are you having kids?” CONSTANTLY. Jesus Christ on a flagpole, can we get through the fucking wedding first? I told my mother and sister deadpan after the third degree “Oh, we’ve decided not to have kids. But we’re going to get another kitten! You can be godparents!”. They were both freaked until I assured them that we ARE planning on having children, but not for several years.
Goddammit! I’m flat-fucking broke and have two kids, two parents, two sets of godparents, my sweetly doddering grandmother, a goddaughter, and the entire staff of a daycare facility to shop for. And I haven’t even started.
Do you have any idea how difficult it is to go shopping with no money!!??
It’s VERY difficult. FuckFuckFuckityFuck.
Actually the coolest thing I ever got for X-mas from a non SO or parent was a jar full of Salsa…it was made from her grandma’s recipe. Woulda’ been even better if it had the recipe attached…as it was I had to do a bit of finagling to get it it out of her
Now finding the time is a different thing altogether…
But I did get a mini toolkit from our Environmental Health and Safety department. It’s got a tiny hammer in it. What say I take that tiny hammer to the heads of my asshole coworkers?
belladonna - baked goods are good. How 'bout some regifting ideas? My mom has stuff in her basement that I could put in a box, wrap and give to her, and she would have no idea I didn’t buy it.
Come to think of it, *I have stuff like that in my storage room…
Regifting is my specialty, considering my birthday is on the 17th. And ya’ll get Christmas bonuses???
Damn you. I’m waiting for my birthday before I even start Christmas shopping, seeings how I’m flat broke. I’m hoping for a lot of fragrance baskets and stuff, things that can be easily regifted…
Regifting is good. I’m actually planning on wrapping up more than a couple “hand-me-down” toys I’ve received over the past couple months for the toddler. He won’t know the difference anyway, right?
And it’s so funny you guys mentioned baked goods. I was considering whipping up a big batch of fudge, my specialty, to give as gifts to my son’s teachers. I was worried it would come across as cheap though. Am I just being paranoid?
To the waitress that quit right after Thanksgiving: Two week’s notice: it’s not just a movie. Thanks for leaving us in the lurch at the busiest time of the year, bitch. I hope you go broke shopping for presents.
To the dumb blonde high-school chick who barely shows up: The reason you have no money for your upcoming trip to Germany is because you hardly ever work. One hour a week doesn’t cut it. I’m going to laugh my ass off when your daddy stops giving you money.
To the CDs in the stereo: If you don’t stop getting stuck on “Rudolph” I am going to flip you like frisbees.
I love getting baked goods! I personally, have tonnes and tonnes of shi… uh, stuff. I don’t need more stuff. What I don’t have is time to bake - I love to receive cookies or fudge or whatnot.
Besides - it takes more time and effort (if not more $$) to actually bake something, rather than just buying some old thing. I think it’s a very thoughtful gift.
And the reason I’m pitting those two is because this is the busiest time of the year and we are struggling to keep up with the crowds with the staff we’ve got. My boss doesn’t even have time to interview replacements until January, we’re so busy.
To the vendor I just called and was on hold for. Putting a pop beat to “Santa Claus is coming to Town” does not make it any less noxious. In fact, it made it just a little bit worse. Please, please stick to the elevator music. It’s better for my sanity.
To my friends. No, I don’t mind planning our holiday party, I’m the only one with her own house, so naturally I should host. I don’t even mind the cooking, I offered and I like to cook and getting some of you to bring pot luck dishes is a hit or miss endeavor. But for pity’s sake RSVP. Just reply to the bloody e-mail and tell me when you’re coming in. I shouldn’t have to nag daily and threaten. I’m not your mother. I really will with hold food. And DON’T tell me you might be staying with me and then never get back with a definte answer. You’re supposed to be coming in today, but still no word. I swear to Hades if you show up on my doorstep with luggage and your dog I will kill you.
Thanks for coming along right at this time and preventing me from doing any normal Christmas shopping. I’m afraid the family gets gift certificate cards that I’ll buy at the registers at Safeway this year. Mr. Pug is as sick as a dog (har) as well, so I’m not going to be getting much out of the house much in the next week or so.
To the natural processes of aging:
Thanks for taking away my last dear old pug just before the holidays. For the first time in my life, I’m 100% dogless and I feel completely lost.
To the economy:
It’s time to cough up a permanent job for Mr. Pug. He has been working as a temp for three months now. The only thing is, he hasn’t been able to work for a week because he has this miserable flu, so we’re out five days’ wages just in time for Xmas.
