Holidays with the Family: Fun time for all or horrific ordeal?

In My Humble Opinion
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In the thread Your opinion on this commercial that depicts my worst Xmas nightmare, Big Sam asks why some of us wouldn’t be happy to have our families show up on our doorsteps on Xmas. I didn’t want to get off on a tangent in that thread, so I started this one.

A lot of this subject matter has been covered in other threads, especially in the BBQ Pit. Some families are bad news.

What about your family? Is a holiday with the extended family the high point of your year, or something you’ve avoided as many years as possible?

I decided about six years ago that holidays were not the time to visit family. Summer is so much more leisurely, and you don’t have to wrack your brain trying to think of gifts for people you don’t know anything about anymore. The kids aren’t wound up into a frenzy.

I’m a peace-and-quiet-loving person. Any time I spend with my sister and her kids is automatically not a vacation, but an ordeal. I’d rather be at work, frankly.

I’ll run down my family real quick-like:

Dad: Totally cool. Used to be an ogre, but grew out of it–mostly after my older sister moved out of the house. Dad is welcome any time.

Mom: Also cool, but not as good a houseguest. Can’t amuse herself when she’s visiting, wants all your attention. Also doesn’t approve of 80% of what I do for fun, such as going to movies or watching comedies on TV.

Side note: Mom and Dad fought like rabid weasels from the time of my earliest memories 'til their divorce when I was nine. I was glad they got divorced. They were pretty good afterwards, but Xmas has never been the same, what with arguing about whose turn it is to have us on Xmas day vs. Xmas eve, etc., and the strangers who kept showing up to watch us open our presents.

Sister: I frequently promise myself that I won’t badmouth my sister any more. Suffice it to say that she is a seething ball of anger with no people skills, and I would have nothing to do with her if she weren’t related.

Sister’s kids: Surly, juvenile son with weight problem. Daughter is fine, except for the inevitable sibling interaction. She’s the only one in that family who can maintain a good mood for more than ten minutes. The whole family communicates by yelling from one room to the other, but prefers video games to human interaction.

Husband’s family: I don’t know them that well, but his mom had a near-psychotic episode when we went to visit them before we got married, and they haven’t spoken to each other for a year. At least we don’t need to worry about their visiting.

My husband and I are both very happy that we get to have our holidays alone this year. Woo-hooo! I wonder how many years we can get away with it.

For those of you who enjoy getting together with family, please share some warm and tender moments, and I’ll enjoy them vicariously. Thanks.

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Have a Merry Dysfunctional Christmas!

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Hmmm… whether Christmas with my family is fun, love and holiday joy, or an experience that leaves you wishing death on everyone, really depends on how “extended” you make the family gathering.

A quick run-down of my OWN family:

Mom: Waffles between being a mega-bitch and being a wonderful, loving mother. I understand her reasons for being mega-bitchy, given that her biological father was abusive and her mother has always been an ignorant slut (literally), but that doesn’t make it any easier to be around her when she’s in a bad mood. Thankfully, the Christmas season is when she tends to be at her best. At Christmastime, I love my mum.

Dad: Goofy old fool who turns into the Grinch when there are noisy kids near him. Threatens my boyfriend with heavy artillery one minute, the next minute turns around and invites him to go to Disneyland with us for a week next year. Since we don’t have any noisy kids this year, and my boyfriend’s not going to be around to be threatened, he should be fine.

Sister: Well, I haven’t spent a Christmas with her in 5 years, ever since she got married and moved to the Gulf coast. Now she’s divorced and is spending the holidays in New York with the rest of us. It ought to be fine; she’ll be too glad to be home to want to start trouble.

Both of my biological grandfathers and my step-grandfather are dead.

Maternal grandmother: The ignorant slut previously mentioned. She means well - she’s not wilfully evil - but she’s, well, ignorant. She’ll probably bring her boyfriend of the moment with her when she visits. She’ll probably also call my parents’ new 2-week-old black foster son a “picaninny.” But she’ll also bring lots of presents and generally foster holiday cheer. She’s not so bad.

Paternal grandmother: SHE’s wilfully evil. She gives used underwear as Christmas presents, makes pointed comments and thinly-veiled insults (“That’s a nice sweater. Makes you look a little less fat.” “Keep growing your hair out, it looks nice - you can finally tell you’re a girl.”), and has no regard for others whatsoever. She’s in the hospital right now, simply because she refuses to be sent home. My mother went to visit her a few weeks ago, and the old hag CRAPPED THE BED while Mom was sitting there, and said “I don’t care, they pay the nurses to clean it up.” !!! So, if she was there, it’d be hell… but as long as she’s in the hospital and can’t come visit us, it’ll be ok.

I have various aunts, uncles, and cousins, all of whom are pleasant but tend to overrun the house and cause a great ruckus.

I guess my family’s not so bad… not Hallmark-card cutesy, but tolerable.

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I saw this commercial and figure that it is supposed to be heartwarming and special – the better to sell more stuff on the holidays.

The truth of the matter is that if that was my family on the doorstep I’d head out to the closest bar.

My family is fine. They just push my buttons and I assume I push theirs.

Brother - Wonderful guy who bought a 112-year old farmhouse with his significant other and is fixing it up. They bought it two years ago and he is still fixing it up. We ran afoul of one another whe he had the plumbing all redone and I said, “Didn’t you and Cathy look at this place before you bought it?”

1st Sister - Has periodic feuds with the rest of the family during which she refuses to let them see the grandchildren. We measure these feuds by the year. So far she has been thrown out of three churches for excessively volunteering. Only one to have her gravesite picked out in advance.

2nd Sister - Another wonderful person who scored points with the rest of the family by yelling, “Go back to bed, I told you!” at her hapless husband when he wandered out into the kitchen for the second time to see what the hell was going on.

Mother - Great person who can’t figure out how she ended up in this madhouse. Only person I know of who’s had a cherry pie explode in the oven.

Dad - Oh, God, please take him first. One of those guys who do things wonderfully but when things go wrong, they go spectacularly wrong. I am actually under Doctor’s orders to avoid this man.