Ok, so this is my first time posting a thread. Not sure if this is the right place for it, but I guess it’ll get moved if it’s not.
So, as you may have guessed, I’m gonna be a mom pretty soon. It’s mine and my husband’s first kid (a boy). He’s due next month. I am at that point of waffling between “Woo-hoo! Gonna be a mom!” and “Holy Shit! There’s going to be a tiny human being depending upon me for EVERYTHING!”
I’m sure plenty of you wonderful dopers have or have had munchkins wandering about. If anybody has advice for a first time mom (about boys or just babies in general) I would love to have it bestowed upon me.
I remember that stage of pregnancy well. Congratulations, and remember it isn’t going to be as hard as you think right now.
My last month of pregnancy with my oldest (a boy) I was mostly terrified with just a bit of elation thrown in. My biggest fear at that time and the one that gave me nightmares was that I would forget his name. Of all things to worry about, right? I was convinced that I wouldn’t remember which name I had given him (I was waffling between two names at the time and ended up using neither of them) and what kind of horrible mother couldn’t even remember her baby’s name? It sounds so silly now, but at the time it was awful.
And here is my advice for baby boys…always hold the fresh diaper over the baby while removing the old one. Baby boys are like little sprinkler systems and they can get some distance!
All the other stuff will come to you, don’t worry, I am sure you are going to do just fine. It’s cliche but your instincts really will guide you through most of it.
Hey, congrats! Baby From Mars arrived 3 months ago, and still has that new car smell so I have nothing to teach you, but welcome to the club! It’s a hell of a lot of fun so far.
They are awesome when they aren’t driving me insane.
Boys love all things rough and loud and rowdy. Girls will usually sit quietly and play with something. Boys try to figure out how to take something and make noise with it.
But they sure do love their Mom and we have a unique relationship.
Along the same lines, take a last look at your unstained clothes, furniture, and carpet. That will be over very soon.
In terms of practical advice, never wake a sleeping baby. My mother-in-law had a horrible habit of doing this to other babies. She was told if she woke up our child, she dealt with it until the baby went back to sleep. When the baby is asleep, it is your time to shower, clean up, watch television targeted at an audience over 2 years old, and most importantly you can sleep.
And screw the housework, if anyone wants to know what you need, ‘for baby’, say a cleaning lady for a month or two. One that does laundry, and cooks a meal is best!
But mostly, relax and enjoy it. When you find yourself stressing over what ??? will think if they see/hear ???, realize that you need to just relax and let it go. Because you are not ever going to be able to please everyone or meet everyone’s expectations. This will take an active effort on your part but will pay huge dividends throughout your parenting years, start off on the right foot.
Secondly, recognize, right now, that everyone in the universe has an opinion, about how this or that ought to be. They will be vocalizing those opinions, new mother’s being fair game apparently, for all and sundry. Decide, right now, to just smile and nod. Promise yourself not to take it on as an indictment of you/your skills/ways. Recognize that hearing them out without challenging them, (no matter how stupid their advice), is not endorsing or accepting their view. Learn this and your first couple of years can be a lot more stress free.
I am very excited for you all and confident you’re going to be great parents.
Congratulations and keep us posted, all of you, as we’re dying to hear all about it.
Also, don’t forget that children distort time. Life moves a lot faster now. Children will never be this age again, and they will be moving on to the next thing before you know it. It seems like only yesterday that my little boy had was learning to crawl, now he is in kindergarten. woosh, five years gone.
The best advice I can give you is to listen to everybody’s suggestions, but make your own decisions based on what you think is right for your family.
We found it very helpful to have my parents with us for the first couple of weeks, because they could do the cooking and cleaning, and some daytime caring for the baby. My wife and I could take care of the baby at night.
True, but not quite as it sounds. As thirdwarning indicates, babies are actually tough and resourceful. To be sure, their initial strategy is to get others to supply their needs (something they are quite good at), but they begin to strike out on their own surprisingly soon.
Aww, it’s gonna be great! I remember being a week overdue and I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned the house, and when it was time to go, Mr. Sali and I took one last look around. I said, “take a good look, the house is never going to be the same again.” And it wasn’t, because there were three members of the family after that. (wipes away a tear…)
Changing diapers: unless you are OCD or an utter klutz - it will be NO BIG DEAL. You will not need a clothespin for your nose, you will not need industrial grade rubber gloves, you will not need a gallon of chlorine bleach a week to wash your hands.
For the first few months, I did feel like I had a ticking time bomb up there, that could go off at any second. But she got bigger, and smarter, and her cunning ways won my heart. Fun times are ahead!
And remember: the days might crawl, but the years just fly by. Good luck!
Don’t measure your child against other children. Measure them according to your own standards.
Oh… and, seriously: don’t read the baby books. If you have a healthy child, I really can’t emphasize this one enough. Those things are just poison to the soul and confidence.
I have three young boys of my own–you’re in for a lot of insanity flavored with joy.
A tip I wish I’d known the first time around: At some point in the first week or two, you are very likely to look at your screaming, smelly, dirty, hungry, sleepless child and wonder what in the world you were thinking, how you could have done this to your life, and if it’s too late to take it all back. This is normal. It will pass–(although I’ve found that it flickers back now and again during exceptionally chaotic moments). It doesn’t make you a bad mom, so don’t sweat it.
Purely Practical Advice–buy a sling. IME, a baby kept close sleeps more, cries less, and learns to self-sooth more quickly.
Just yankin’ y’all. Congrats, been there, done that, did it again. It’ll come natural to ya, it’s amazing how that happens.