Holy Thumb Wrestling Jesus-With-Og Fuck, God Dammit!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Why?

What did I do?

Recently, as you’d know if you hung on every one of my words, you would know that I’ve taken a job running a department of a nursing home. So, I go into this facility that’s relatively close to my house today. A guy and I are walking down the hallway, talking about stuff, when it happens.

Yes. It.

A resident walks out. She’s gotta be about 655437859432 years old (definite hyperbole. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say about 80). Anywhoot, she walks out butt-ass naked.

I saw them. Octogenerian titties. Oh, sweet mercy. The other guy and I looked into a room and kinda…looked at the wall, pretending that we didn’t see what we both know damned well that we saw clear as day.

What did I do to you, titties? Why did I get this vulgar display of “cleavage”?

Did I not pay more attention to you? I pay plenty to you and your kind right now as it is. Did I not nestle enough of your kind? Why would you betray me? Should I pay more attention to your sisters? Less attention? GIVE ME A SIGN!!..or two…

You jiggle. I watch. You jiggle more. I keep watching. You sit there. I watch, slackjawed in your glory (sometimes).
What did I do to you, titties?

why, titties, why?

2

flashes you
Sorry, couldn’t help myself.
shuffles back to Canasta game

3

It appears that you are implying that all female breasts are actually parts of a greater whole and operate as a sentient being independantly of the brain of the individual bi-breastal owner.

In fact, you are entirely correct in this implication. Just as that enormous fungi living under the ground beneath several states in the mid-west is all part of a single living being, such is it with the female breast.

It really is a matter of percentages. The more breasts you show proper and appropriate respect for and admiration of, the better off you will be in the Afterlife. :smiley:
What???

Cartooniverse

4

What can I say? Grandma gets forgetful and leaves her robe in the shower, ok?

5

A joke my wife shared with me (and everyone else whi would stand still long enough) recently;

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

“If we don’t get some support soon, people are going to think we’re nuts.”

Also, I’m guessing the average bra size at your new workplace is about a 44 long.

[sub]Hey, I’ll be here all week! Try the veal and don’t forget to tip your servers![/sub]

6

Okay friend, you are working in a nursing home. Get used to old neekedness. I have seem more naked old person than I have seen naked me. I Look at the feet, that will get you worse than the boobs.
44 long, that made my day Rhubarb, :stuck_out_tongue: :smiley: :stuck_out_tongue:

7

Oh, I know. Except it was…guerilla nudity. We were walking down the hall, minding our own business and then it happened.

That’s what did me in.

why, titties, why?

8

Just be glad it wasn’t a man who walked out…

9

Ugh, you reminded me of the time I did a stint as a shoeshine at a country club. A country club made up mostly of retirees. I mean, I don’t like loking at naked men in the first place, but these old, shameless dudes walking around naked for WAAAAAAY longer than necessary…the horror.

10

Oakland Hills?

You going to the Mid-Michigan Dopefest?
…No, waitainit. Oakland Hills isn’t full of retirees. Plum Hollow? So many country clubs in that area.

11

Oh noooooooo, my little friend, those plums weren’t hollow, they were overripe and hanging quite low off the tree.

:wink:

:eek:

12

The titties are trying to tell you that you need to have a finer appreciation for them in all of their many and various shapes, sizes and altitudes.

Come on, sing it with me.

Do your boobs hang low,
do they wobble to and fro…

13

My favorite Joan Rivers gag: “When my husband sits on the pot, it looks like he’s brewing a huge cup of tea!”

And we need to get **rhubarb ** a drummer – some of that stuff just needs a rimshot.

14

Because you work in a nursing home.