Homer Simpson versus Peter Griffin--to the DEATH!

What the hell do you mean Homer never succeeded at anything? He was an astronaut and he won a grammy as well as the 1st Annual Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence.

He was only chosen to be an astronaut because NASA was losing in the Nielsens to the likes of A Connie Chung Christmas, the Monty Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence was a sham to cover the fact that his years of working at the power plant made him sterile, and the Grammy barely counts as an award at all. The only true awards he won- at his high school reunion in such prestigious categories as Most Weight Gained, Most Improved Odor, and Most Hair Lost- also had to be taken away due to the fact that he never completed Remedial Science. There’s a reason Homer’s in the dictionary under “to succeed despite idiocy”- all his life he’s pulled a Homer and gotten to where he is by pure dumb luck, as the late Frank Grimes would tell you. And this is what makes him and Peter Griffin like two morbidly obese peas in a pod.

Peter has actually killed people. Has Homer ever killed anyone? I don’t count Maude Flanders.

Does that loafter he tackled at work (who, unbeknownst to him, was actually James Bont) count?

Zombie Flanders. And it should count because he didn’t know Ned was a zombie.

Does Fred Grimes (or ‘Grimey’ as he like to be called) count?

The fight is happening at Moe’s where Homer knows where the pickled eggs are. Homer could use these eggs to poison Peter. Homer would whip out the eggs from behind the counter and smash them in Peter’s maw.

No, wait. Homer would whip out the eggs, think about smashing Peter for one second and then eat the eggs himself. The fight would be a draw if, and only if, Homer dies before he eats all the eggs and there remains enough to entice and poison Peter.

The only good thing to come of this whole fiasco is when Lisa and Meg meet at the funerals and become lifetime life partners.

Homer’s a former pro boxer, as has been mentioned, and buffs up pretty well in several episodes, which shows he at least has some base level of muscle under the fat.

Peter is nearly power scooter fat. Homer wins.

No, that’s Peter. Homer, despite his stupidity, has actual human feelings and is not invariably evil. He’s gone out of his way to help Moe, Barney, and Flanders on multiple occasions. Peter, by contrast, ultimately loves only himself. Homer would kill people for even THINKING of doing to Marge the things Peter has actually done to Lois.

ETA: I wonder if Homer’s greater humanity would be an impediment or a strength in this epic duel?

How could anyone tell the difference?

Homer’s a dreamy nitwit who actually loves his family.

Peter’s pure, unblinking, kitten-barbecuing evil.

Homer would go all Bruce Lee on Peter’s ass. The fat yellow bastard has mad martial arts skills.

check it out

Peter as balls for a chin so I think the first time Homer hits him it’s he’s going down. Plus Homer has been carrying around that inanimate carbon rod looking for a head to bust.

Homer’s damage soak is much higher. He had an actual bridge close on his head and had a truck drive over him with no ill effects.

Homer for the win.

Peter has better brawling skills but Homer is super at choking. I think Peter’s neck is probably too fat though. Peter wins.

every real fight i’ve ever been in (i used to drink too much and get angry) quickly became a wrestling match that ended with me choking the other guy until he gave in or we were pulled apart (learn to choke, never lose a fight).

homer would never choke anyone to death. Peter would in a heartbeat. he’s much meaner than homer. a whole lot meaner.