Homocidal Maniac on the Loose in Northeast!

**WILKES-BARRE, Pa. (AP) - Authorities launched a massive manhunt Saturday for a murder suspect who officials say escaped from prison by climbing 60 feet down a rope made of bedsheets.
At least 50 officers using dogs and boats pursued the suspect, Hugo Selenski, who had been jailed since June when the remains of five people were found in his yard. State Police Trooper Tom Kelly acknowledged that Selenski could have traveled hundreds of miles by now. **

I’m especially worried, as I’m having an all-girl slumber party tonight, and some of our boyfriends may come over later so we can go necking in Lover’s Lane.

Plus, there’s a power failure because of the thunderstorm, so I’ve had to wander around my house in my shortie nightgown with a flashlight repeating, “Hello? is someone there?

Oooh, gotta go. The damn phone keeps ringing, but everytime I pick it up, there’s just some breathing and a kind of laugh. And I really should get my flashlight to see what the hell that noise is in the basement . . .

[Movie Sign!] IIRC, if you want the killing to stop, you’re going to need several boxes of Sodium! For all the helpful details, scroll down and click on"The Sodium Song." [/obligitory MST3K reference]

I suggest you just skip the slumber party and go out with a date to some isolated and lonely lovers’ lane. Crazed psychos, especially the ones with hooks instead of hands, never go to those places.

Whichever direction the incredibly stupid woman clad in revealing, push-up lingerie is going (ESPECIALLY if she is wearing high-heels)…go the other way, for Og’s sake!

I’m probably going to be beaten by a couple of seconds to make this stupid joke… but you say there’s a homo-cidal maniac on the loose?

You girls necking with your boyfriends shouldn’t have any problems at all. :smiley:

Patrick: The maniac is…inside the mailbox…

I work for the Phone Company, Ma’am. We’ve traced those calls…and they’re coming from inside your house!

So, now that you’ve found the rusty old key to that door in the attic, that’s been locked ever since your folks bought the house from that strange old woman… isn’t it about time you tried it out?

Oh, well, crap, that would be me. What now?

Well, don’t worry, when you open the door, you’ll see it’s only the dog.

…at FIRST!

I dunno, I figured you were on your way to some fabulous party, so I followed you. Do I have to get rid of the champagne and lampshade?

No, the funny noise you hear is only the cat jumping off the kitchen cabinet.

See, I told you it was only the cat. Everyone knows that cats frequently get nervous for no apparent reason. What do you mean you still hear a funny noise? It’s safe to relax now.

Say, Eve, it looks like we’re out of beer. I’ll go out to the dark garage and get another case.

I’ll be right back…

Sound of agonized screaming from outside, in the direction of the garage.

Wilkes-Barre is only about 15 miles from where I am now. I’m not really worried though. It’s so unlikely that this guy would just happen to target MY house. It’s warm in here, so I’m leaving the front door ope…ml,’.BN,m
[p /.bf,n’>v

Body Count: 2

Well, if you want to be safe, head my way. I’m on the wrong coast.

(Then, you can get the book without paying postage.)

Quick! Lose your virginity and smoke lots of dope! People who lose their virginity and do drugs are immune to attacks by the evil psycho!

HOMOcidal? I dunno. From this he doesn’t sound like he specializes. However, this item suggests something about HIM (cue the theme from Queer Eye)

But Eve, don’t listen to KRC! The kids who have sex and do drugs are the first to die.

Hey, what was that noise in the basement? That kind of shuffling, dragging sound with a side order of ow growl? I knwo I just got out of the shower and only have this little towel wrapped around me, but I think I’ll go check it out. Oops, the light doesn’t seem to be working, better grab that candle. My complexion looks so much smoother by candlelight, don’t ya think?