Ho's in Alaska... Wookin po nub.

The BBQ Pit
1

It was like a bad accident… I couldn’t bring myself to look away. In my defense I was too tired and sick to leave my chair and someone else had tuned it in.

Bachelorettes in Alaska, Looking for Love … it’s argueably the most mind numbingly moronic piece of crapola I’ve seen aired in a long long time. Of course it could only be brought to you by Fox.

For a moment I wondered how four fairly attractive (and one who would be pretty if she ate something) women could be so desperate as to travel all the way to frozen Alaska to find themselves a husband. But then I realized they were also a group of vacuous, morally suspect, and manipulative ho’s. Then it was no surprise that they weren’t having any success in the relationship department from wherever they were from.

And the men… we are going to have to send them all a memo pointing out that they are going against most of the procedures and protocols outlined in the Sacred Man Book. They look like fucking fools.

Given their choices I would seriously consider going out and boning a seal… which is what they’ve probably been doing as we all know that seals are to Alaskans what sheep are to Scots. Granted, they are probably hard to hold on to and the velcro mitts used on sheep wouldn’t be useful but you have to use what the good lord gives ya.

Come on guys, these women are swapping you around like my kids trade Pokemon cards. Aren’t there any other decent women in Alaska… oh wait… there is a shortage of women in Alaska. I know a few attractive single women here who would like a rugged and burly man to call their own but wait… you’re a bunch of pathetic seal fucking gits.

So… if you were trapped like me you would have seen that at the end of the show all the women got to pick a second man just in case their “man on ice” wasn’t exactly what they wanted. They get to pick one of them to be their husband.

Let’s make it interesting and have the chosen two battle to the death for their desired mate. I’d pay to see that.

And then I thought to myself that given the statistics, some of these guys might find themselves a love connection of their own, with one of the other guys.

Maybe there will be some good coming out of this trainwreck after all.

“wookin po nub” comes from the classic “Buckwheat Sings” sketch from Saturday night Live.

Karma is a good thing, the person who turned on Ho’s in Alaska is now trapped on the couch and is being forced to watch Digimon, THE MOVIE.

Feel my pain.

2

I saw that was on the tube and went for voluntary, unneeded root canal surgery instead. :smiley:

3

I had a root canal done just a short time back and I almost fell asleep during the process. There was almost no pain.

I have give all the credit to my dentist, not only is she talented but she is also beautiful and a raving sports fan.

I bet she has no trouble getting dates.

:slight_smile:

4

:smack:

And my beloved Lola appears to have lesbian tendencies… it’s either that or I didn’t notice she had logged in earlier.

I don’t think she has even met my dentist…

5

Maybe you and Lola should swap dentists.

6

Feynn, half the guys have never read the Sacred Man Book, since it’s a little hard to get out on the trapline, and the other half had a Guy Thing happen - the thought of gettin’ some drove all other thoughts from their upper head. To be perfectly vulgar, ‘Fresh Meat’ syndrome. Trust me, the girls will be getting EXACLY what they deserve. The reason those guys are single is because they were not able to be housebroken. Trust me on this - why else would Ginger of the North have to go Outside to get a good one? I was just lucky. :wink:

The counterpart to that show would be a long-standing bar fantasy (ya know, those plans that you discuss extensively in the bar and never actually carry out…) we’ve had.

We want to charter a whackin’ BIG tourist bus, fill half of it with beer and the other half with about thirty of our most desperate male friends, and drive to California. If we manage to make it there without being arrested or turned back at the border, we will then drive to the nearest crowded beach, and open the doors.

We’re not sure who’d flee, screaming, first - the beach babes or the guys who’ve never seen that much live, bare flesh. :slight_smile:

7

I once had a conversation with a friend (in a bar) where we discussed the merits of turning the Ottawa Hull area into a big sheet of glass. It’s probably a good thing we never carried this one out… :slight_smile:

Fox is probably already working on the BIG BUS show. If they do make sure you sue them for violating intellectual property.

8

Why, oh why, must you pick California!

On second thought…men from the north…

You can come, but you’ve got to be wearing flannel shirts and lumberjack boots. :smiley:

9

We all fondly remember the SNL skit!
unce tice…
Fee times a wady…

10

Got it covered.

I mean, it’s not like most of them own anything else anyways. :smiley: Oh, wait, would leather do? If they aren’t wearing macs and lumberjack boots, they’re wearing leather and Daytons.

And why California? Well, last we heard, California was one of the places suffering most for lack of eligible straight men. The beaches, babes, and sun make it a definite.

I’ll drag my little bro along just for you, scout. He’s 27, with long blond hair, blue eyes, and quite the bod, as he is a concrete finisher. Besides, we need him as bait to assist some of his less fortunate brethren.

I’d just be going to watch the hilarity. And run the video camera. Blackmail, eheheheheheeeee!

Feynn, I know many people who have shared that fantasy. Apparently, it’s common anyplace outside Ontario. :slight_smile:

11

I read “concrete finisher” as “concrete fisher”. I worked up a reply asking what the heck that was.

Thankfully I figured out my mistake before hitting submit. :slight_smile:

Although I’m still unsure of what Daytons are.

12

Ummmmm. . . . I like the show.

13

by the way, the song from Buckwheat Sings is “Nookin pa nub.”

:smiley:

14

Oh no, blessedwolf, it is most definitely “WOOKIN pa nub.”

15

First, Fox pimped for a millionaire.

Then they pimped for a “prince”.

Now they are pimping for a bunch of working Joes in Alaska.

I figure it is only a matter of time before they get around to me. “Fox ho’s in Beeblebrox’s apartment” Ohhh yeeaaahhhh

16

Motorcycle Daytons for lookin’ good, and work Daytons for, well, work.

17

I must disagree here, the SNL transcript reads thusly,

Buckwheat: [singing]

“Wookin’ Pa Nub in all da wong paces. Wookin ’ Pa Nub.”

And I guess to be fair it’s “pa” and not “po”.

:slight_smile:

18

That’s a rather gender-biased way of looking at it, those two are complete opposites. On the show with the millionaire, it was one guy and many women competing for his attention and affection. This new show in Alaska has a small group of women choosing among an overabundance of men. I’m not sure who’s pimping for whom, exactly, but Fox is an equal-opportunity procurer.