I spent some time with her today, and she is at peace with her decision. She made plans for her funeral when my dad died in '96. She let me know where they were, what she wanted to be buried in, and where that dress was.
It’s not easy, to be sure, but knowing that she made her decision with a sound mind is comforting. She is not in much pain today, and that is a relief as well. She said she’s felt my dad with her in the last few days, and she seems ready. She’s tying up loose ends, as far as saying goodbye to who she needs to say goodbye to, instructing our wives to take care of us (“but save some for yourself, too” is what she told my wife ), and just coming to terms with everything.
We told her we were proud of her for fighting a good fight, and we said our goodbyes as well, while she was still lucid enough to understand.
In case anyone didn’t get it, I was kidding with my last post-it is nice to see humanity at its best behaviour at times like this.
What is also nice is that your mother, by taking control of the end of her life, has shown all of us that “grace under pressure” is much more that a trite phrase. Is there a favorite charity of hers that I might give a contribution to on her behalf?
My father spent the last 3 weeks of his life in Hospice and the nurses there were wonderful to him. The hospice program really goes try to make the stuation as easy on family and friends as they can, they brought in extra beds so my mother and I could spend the night with him, and would take care of just about anything they could do for him. One thing that almost amazed me was the contrast between the cold, uncomfortable hospital room that we had been in previously and how personable and comfortable they try to make the atmosphere for the ill and grieving. I hope that the hospice is as good to you and your mother as it was to my family. Your mother and yourself are in my prayers.
Not a particular one that I’m aware of. I’m sure she’d be honored to know that a gift was given to the American Cancer Society (or a Cancer Society type place in your homeland) or a local Hospice Care unit, in her memory.
Casey1505, my aunt’s funeral was a week and a half ago. She spent not quite four months in a hospice here in Topeka. Wonderful place, wonderful staff.
As other posters have mentioned, one the the criteria at hers was that a doctor had stated formally that a prospective resident had under six months to live. I was the family memeber who got the information on the hospice so my Dad and his sister could make the decision. At first he was reluctant, actually saying, “That’s where people go to die.” But Dad knows that death isn’t the end for people, just a beginning, and when he saw how well she was treated, and how much better she told him she felt for a while, he was happy for her.
It’s going to really suck sometimes, but you mom will be getting fine care I am sure, and knowing she is being made comfortable will make you feel better too. You are going to need all your strength soon. I am sorry for you, keep us posted on how she and you are doing.
My father had the identical reaction. It was difficult for him to come to the realization that it was time. It was an emotional Rubicon for him to cross.
As I read the responses in this thread, I am struck by the universal praise of Hospice personnel. I get choked up and my eyes water as I think about my mom’s last weeks in the Hospice. Not out of sadness, though there is enough of that. I get emotional with gratitude.
The Hospice staff are angels on earth. Not only to ease the pain and suffering of the dying, but also to ease the pain and suffering of the other family members. They are gentle but determined. They are knowledgeable and compassionate. And every person I talked to, from the receptionist to the nurses, said they absolute loved what they do for a living.
), and just coming to terms with everything.