I live with two other men in a townhouse. I have lived in the townhouse for nearly four years; the other two have been here for a little more than half a year.
Over the past month or so, I believe I have been noticing one of my housemates using the toilet and not washing his hands afterwards. His bathroom is right next to my room, so I’m often on the computer with my door open and the toilet will flush and I’ll immediately hear him pop out of the bathroom and return to his room. I’m fairly certain that I don’t hear him run the sink in between, and even if he is, I’m doubtful that he could have adequately washed his hands in that time frame. I have, on occasion, glanced into the open bathroom to observe the state of the toilet seat afterwards. It is often in the down position. Number two. Doesn’t wash his hands. Yuck.
This man shares common areas with the other housemate and myself (and any guests we may have over). He uses the kitchen, and many other common items. The idea of him touching all that stuff without washing his hands disgusts me.
How can I broach this to him? I’d like him to start washing his hands after using the bathroom, but personal hygiene is an odd thing to ask someone to change. On the other hand, I feel like I have a right to ask him to change his behavior, as his current behavior is (ostensibly) a health risk to the other tenant and myself. I know the chances of someone getting sick are low, but it grosses me out nonetheless.
I was thinking I may want to just be as polite as possible and frame it as “I can’t make you do anything, but you appear to do this, it bothers me, it’s a health risk, so can you do me a solid favor and wash your hands after using the bathroom?”
Has anyone else had to deal with this or a similar situation? Any suggestions or commiseration will be appreciated.
Are you ever in the kitchen, cooking or doing any food prep at the same time? Maybe you can introduce the subject by washing your own hands, saying something like, “Oh! I can’t believe I forgot to wash my hands!” Then look at roomie and say something like, “You’re all washed up, right?” Then, to be non-passive-aggressive, approach the subject by mentioning hepatitis and staph infections, and how important hand washing is after using the bathroom.
I don’t know, something along those lines. Sometimes I find it better to approach what might be a sensitive subject while I’m doing the activity in question. It’s in context that way, and not out of left field.
That seems like the most passive-aggressive method to go about it. You’re specifically trying not to directly talk to the person in question about it (passive) while trying to get the subject brought up to change his behavior (aggressive).
Just be a god damn adult (OP, not SeaDragonTattoo) and either directly ask him why he isn’t washing his hands or tell him you think it’s uncivilized, fucking disgusting and that we were all taught how to wash our hands as children, so why can’t he?
That’s probably the sort of approach I’d take. I feel pretty strongly about handwashing and it really bothers me when people don’t do it. It IS a health risk. Handwashing is one of the best ways to cut down on transmission of colds and such. Not to mention the illnesses that are transmitted by the fecal-oral route like Hep A.
Even if you manage to shame him into doing it when you’re around, there’s no guarantee that he’ll do it all the time.
I recommend carrying around a little can of Lysol and spraying doorknobs and cabinet handles before you use them. And tape a little sign to the bathroom mirror like this.
oft wears hats, I understand your horror; and the reality is that your housemate is probably not the only person you’re in daily contact with who doesn’t wash their hands after using the bathroom. (Gross, I know.)
Don’t let his (assumed) lack of hygiene have you wearing a hazmat suit and imagining every surface and item in your home teeming with deadly disease - it’s not a good way to live. Especially in a shared house.
You can’t change his behaviour - but you can change your own. If it makes you feel better, just rinse kitchen items under hot water before you use them. Clean the house regularly.
If nothing else, he may strengthen your immune system
Whose name is on the lease? I’m assuming it’s the OP’s, since he’s been there 4 years, and the others only six months or so.
Based on that assumption, here’s my advice for the OP: tell the guy that you’ve noticed that he doesn’t always wash his hands after using the bathroom. Tell him that you regard washing hands after using the bathroom as very basic sanitation that everyone should practice, and in particular, that everyone who uses the same kitchen, dining table, and so forth, that you do, needs to practice.
If he doesn’t change his behavior in the week or so following that discussion, tell him that if he doesn’t change his ways, you’re kicking him out at the end of the month, so he needs to either start washing his hands consistently after using the bathroom, or he needs to look for another place to live.
And if he still doesn’t change his ways, you kick him out at the end of the month.
You could try placing a bottle of hand sanitiser on top of the cistern - it’s a one second way to clean his hands and he might choose to use it rather than leave without washing? Other than that, I guess you have to confront him if it really bothers you.
As others have said, you probably interact with dozens of people ever day who have some disgusting habit and are transmitting all manner of bacteria to you. I don’t think asking him to change something like this is 1) your business and 2) going to change his habits. Also, it’s really weird that you have noticed this, how nice let him know you have been listening to him go to the loo. And kicking him out? Seriously? Loads of people don’t wash their hands after going to the toilet, there are no guarantees on the next person. Besides, they might drink from the bottle or spoon the peanut butter from the jar (my flatmates do!).
As with all other things in life, there is very little we can do to change the behaviour of others while we can change our reaction and our own behaviour. Just wash doorknobs and tell yourself to stop worrying. At most, put up a sign in the bathroom and make occasional jokes about it. Then get over it.
I yell at my husband all the time for not washing his hands before and after all sorts of things, and I assure you that he hates me for it (especially because he was always “just about to”). But he’s my husband and likes me in other ways and clearly 10 years of being yelled at over hand washing is not a deal breaker for him, just indicative of a glacial learning curve. A roommate on the other hand wouldn’t have the same level of affection and tolerance towards being yelled at so you might have a tense living environment for a while. He’s lived there for half a year? Can you perhaps not renew his lease after a year?
When it comes to this, the best thing you can do is alter your own behavior. Not only do you regularly encounter people who don’t wash their hands (and are probably doing things way more disgusting than taking a dump), but because unless you plan on checking his hands every time he comes out of the loo and being a complete crazy roommate, you are not going to turn him into a regular hand washer but rather someone who goes through the motions only when you are around. That’s really not going to do a damn thing but annoy him and give you a false sense of security.
Depends what he’s doing in the can, is he dropping the kids off at the pool and not washing his hands ? Or just going for a tinkle. Either way you’re going to come off looking like a busy body no matter what it is, more so if he’s just going for a leak. If you’re that concerned about bacteria you should probably have a sanitizer dispenser right beside your front door, because there’s probably an orgy of bacteria having sex on your door knob there. And contrary to commercials not all men piss on their hands.
This is more likely to work than trying to shame him, or placing bottles of sanitizer, or talking to him like a Mom talks to her 7 year old. “You’re all washed up, right?” Yeah Mom.
