Houseplant Dopers: Do you tell your houseplants when you leave the house?

[Chefguy]

@ugly ripe tomato

I have four plants at my office, and they all have names. I water them last thing before I leave on Fridays, and while I don’t talk to them out loud because my coworkers all think I’m a bubble out of plumb already, I like to send them reassuring plant vibes that will last through the weekend.

At home I do talk to the cat and my two killer attack goldfish. I find that fish make the best audience for when you just want to piss and moan because they can’t tell you to shut up or go wander off to use the litterbox or anything.

I had an office plant at the embassy in Portugal. I made a sign that said “Robert”, and put it on the pot. My Portuguese office assistant asked me about it, and I told her that its name was Robert Plant. The word got around, and several other local employees came to take a look. Then they would look at me like I was insane, and avoid me for a week or so.

[pseudotriton_ruber_ruber]

@Chefguy

Then they would look at me like I was insane, and avoid me for a week or so.

That’s so unfair and hateful!

[MandaJo]

@Chefguy

I had an office plant at the embassy in Portugal. I made a sign that said “Robert”, and put it on the pot. My Portuguese office assistant asked me about it, and I told her that its name was Robert Plant. The word got around, and several other local employees came to take a look. Then they would look at me like I was insane, and avoid me for a week or so.

I don’t want to make you feel bad, but my decorative bamboo told me that plants get so sick of that joke. Sure, it’s funny the first 1000 times, but when every single person has to make it . . . .

[MsWhatsit]

I have a bay tree named “Michael.”

[Turek]

@Chefguy

The one time I didn’t tell the plants when we were coming back, we returned to find the ficus fucking the philodendron.

Nice alliteration.

@MsWhatsit

F-

Nice callback.

[Merneith]

@pseudotriton_ruber_ruber

You mean you’re not supportive of Isabel8 and Nava’s mom? Why not? It makes them feel better to anthropomorphize their houseplants, so why all the hate for houseplant-lovers? Where’s the harm in houseplant-love?

I never said a word against houseplant-love. I would guess, sometimes, that being understood by the houseplants is better odds than being understood by some people. YMMV, of course.

[Azeotrope]

@Chefguy

I had an office plant at the embassy in Portugal. I made a sign that said “Robert”, and put it on the pot. My Portuguese office assistant asked me about it, and I told her that its name was Robert Plant. The word got around, and several other local employees came to take a look. Then they would look at me like I was insane, and avoid me for a week or so.

Oddly enough my poinsettia is also named Robert, albiet in honor of Robert Poinsett. The others are a spider plant named Peter, a Christmas cactus named Meredith, and an overgrown I don’t know what on the filing cabinet known as the Monstrosity.

[elucidator]

@LurkMeister

…However, if I growl or hiss at her she immediately jumps down to the floor, runs a short distance away, then looks back at me. I’m not sure what I’m saying, but it works and that’s all I care about.

“In about two seconds, I’m gonna fuck you cross-eyed!”

[Jackmannii]

The only thing my plants need to hear from me is “Bloom or die.”

[alice_in_wonderland]

I think I’ve figured out why prr is having so much trouble with women, and it’s not because they have pets.

And yes, I talk to my houseplants. I also talk to my dog when I’m going out and tell him I’m leaving.

[Cat_Whisperer]

I talk to my plants outside (I don’t have any houseplants). They don’t have names; they’re all just Little Planty Guys. I don’t tell them when I’m leaving, but I do say hi when we come back from vacation.

[Azeotrope]

Well, given the “special relationship” he’s got with his “cactus” maybe he doesn’t need a woman anymore :dubious:

[Chefguy]

@ugly ripe tomato

Oddly enough my poinsettia is also named Robert, albiet in honor of Robert Poinsett. The others are a spider plant named Peter, a Christmas cactus named Meredith, and an overgrown I don’t know what on the filing cabinet known as the Monstrosity.

I would have named the cactus “Carol” and the spider plant “Charlotte”, but that’s just me. I thought I was being so clever back in '93, when I named that plant Robert.

[choie]

I have a pair of jade plants, Gladys and her son Bubba (well, he was a cutting off Gladys so yes he’s her son, dammit). When I talk to them, it’s usually to apologize for not watering them enough.

But I’m probably not a useful datapoint here, since I anthropromorphize everything, including my computer mouse, which I call George, and my new bed lounge pillow, which I have inexplicably decided is named Arthur, pronounced the French way, i.e. Ar-tyure.* So yeah. This here is crazytown, population = me.

I don’t see why prr thinks talking to animals is a bad/strange/contemptible thing, assuming he does. Animals respond to speech and tone of voice, and humans quite understandably enjoy chatting to them – I believe it’s suggested this can help lower blood pressure and stress, in fact.

Is there a link to whatever this thread is supposed to be parodying? (Isn’t that a rule with parody threads?)

• Because it looks like an elephant and reminds me of Babar’s small cousin by that name.

[Chimera]

I like to mess with them. Whenever I leave for a couple of days, I tell them I’m coming back with a wood chipper. I’m all evil that way. Then when I come home and water them, they’re grateful.

[you_with_the_face]

@alice_in_wonderland

I think I’ve figured out why prr is having so much trouble with women, and it’s not because they have pets.

Is it because he makes bad parody threads about an issue that is not worth pitting to begin with?

I don’t talk to my plants, but that’s only because I’m too busy talking to my cats.

[whiterabbit]

We know you hate animals, prr. Why you are so fucking obsessive about it is a mystery to me, but that’s all right, because I know to keep several lightyears away from you.

I bet my cat would love you and be all over you just to piss you off. Not that I’d let you get that close.

[classyladyhp]

My cactus gets really pissed if I forget to take it for a walk. Once I walked him without a leash and all the neighbors complained.

[alice_in_wonderland]

@you_with_the_face

Is it because he makes bad parody threads about an issue that is not worth pitting to begin with?

I Wa’s going to say it Wa’s because he’s a pet-hating wackaloon, but that works too.

[Guinastasia]

@ugly ripe tomato

Well, given the “special relationship” he’s got with his “cactus” maybe he doesn’t need a woman anymore :dubious:

That might explain why he’s so pissy all the time.