[QUOTE=Savannah]
Okay, here’s mine:
How about a trick or treater? I came home straightaway from work and endured the Colwood Crawl, and saw little ghoulies out and about as I approached our house. Oh, goody! Cute kids in costumes. I can’t wait. I lit my pumpkin (a pleasing plump pumpkin, carved before I left for the office this morning) and hung the big black spider (“Boris”, of course) and lit him with a strategically placed lantern-style flashlight. I prepped the bags of mini-chocolate bars by the door and quickly went pee and brushed my teeth. Okay, so that part’s irrelevent, except I didn’t want to be in the loo when the cuties came calling. I love Hallowe’en.
I decided I would like a drink tonight, so I prepared that, and eased outside into the driveway, trying to decide if the placement of pumpkin and spider were enticing and slightly spooky at the same time. I drank my drink, smoked my cigarette outside, of course, and decided house lights on means yes, we’re participating, but porch light off to add to the atmosphere. No trick or treaters. I can hear them (and fireworks) and see them a little ways away. No trick or treaters! Okay, then, porch light on. Another drink, another smoke. No trick or treaters. Okay, move the pumpkin to the front yard (it’s on a plant stand that is hard to see, so there’s a nice illusion of it floating in the darkness). No trick or treaters. Move the spider to the mailbox on the side of the house. Have another drink. Talk to my husband about dinner. Hey, top up that drink. Another cigarette, watching for fireworks. (They’ve been going off for the past week and a half.) No trick or treaters.
It’s almost 7, and no trick or treaters! Damn it. I like the little ones the best, the ones that come early in the evening. I’m wearing my little pumpkins necklace, and I’m dressed in black with a black and gold skirt I wore at the office. I’m ready for the trick or treaters!
Where are you? I have CHOCOLATE! When the dog comes home with my husband, she’s going to be wearing her little devil costume. Where are you, little cute children?
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Underlining added.
Turn that sucker on next year!!!
Porch light on = Candy. 
Porch light off = No candy. 