Go to your local cemetery and put it into/on top of a very recent grave that still looks freshly filled in.
Do you live near Slithy Tove?
Forest, say 10 manageable sized packages, and make sure the head-hands-feet are buried deep enough to stay underground past hunting season. General guts can be left closer to the surface to feed the bugs.
Deep water, where nobody is going to stumble over the body. Not an option for everyone obviously but in my case I’d dump them in Lake Ontario.
You don’t have a dog, do you.
This is the solution that I came up with. Great if you live on the pacific coast, with real deep water very close to shore. Tougher on the east coast. I’d want to use cinder blocks and chain, or else anchors made of cement in a bucket, and probably relatively fine netting instead of plastic bags, as I don’t want anything breaking loose, filling up with gas and turning up on shore after a storm. Problem is, I’d have to buy this stuff, which leaves a record.
Like I said, I think about this too often. Thanks, Mum.
I live near some very deep strip mining pits that have been filled with water. Weight that body down & dump it in, it’ll never be seen again.
Not that I’ve given this much thought or anything…
There’s enough bush up north, some of it only accessible with ice roads for a couple of months in the wintertime, and of course, it’s full of bears and scavenger birds…
Failing that, my father-in-law knows of some places where there is quicksand.
Pigs.
Brick-Top says it best: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HAQ3pNHwj4
edit: Geez I really need to watch Snatch again.
Not netting. Chicken wire. Some chains and a couple of cheap boat anchors for weight. Buy everything with cash.
You’re actually better off with rentals because they’ll have a much harder time tracing any evidence specifically back to you. But bleach down the boat and truck anyway to destroy any forensic evidence.
Ummm…theoretically…
This stuff. Won’t tear, won’t rust, won’t break, won’t let anything out if you use enough, yet the eels can still get in.
Ummm…theoretically…
Bury it, plant a tree on top of it. Humans have this kind of weird blind spot where they can’t imagine something buried underneath a tree.
Sheesh, don’t you people watch CSI? The wood chipper and the garbage bin won’t work; they’ll find ya. Even bodies dumped in water seem to have a disturbing habit of bobbing up somehow…
I used to work at an industrial plastic recycling plant, and those big-ass grinders will reduce anything to little pieces half the size of Tic-Tacs in a matter of minutes. My boss there, who was an interesting fellow who tended toward hypothetical musings such as this one, speculated that even a 200 lb person in little bitty pieces mixed in among a few 800 lb boxes of little bitty plastic pieces and loaded in a shipping container going to China would most likely escape notice, and if noticed, be untraceable. I’m fairly certain he never tried it, though.
Now, my husband has some relatives up in New Jersey who, I’m told, wouldn’t even blink at the question, so should I ever have need to dispose of a body, I know just who to call. 
I used to work at a supermarket, and the dumpster stunk to high heaven. A rotting body likely wouldn’t have increased the stink much, and properly wrapped pieces might just look like meat from the store.
Another option is the ocean, I live on a coastal city in south east Florida. I have a friend with a boat, and he might be a good enough friend to help me out. I’d rather not get anyone else involved in the situation though, I imagine.
Nope, in an episode of Bones they ground up some guy in a tire recycling plant, and they found him by testing the bales of grind … you swoosh around a handful in water and the organic bone chips float or sink, I cant remember which …
I have a friend who used to work in a sewage treatment plant. He said it was amazing how thoroughly bodies could decompose with the action of whatever microbes they use to digest the shit. Perhaps put the body in a steel drum with that microbe shit you put into septic tanks, and some form of nutrient liquid. Wait until it digests all the flesh and then turf the remaining bones into the ocean. They probably won’t float.
Use a long screwdriver or similar to thoroughly puncture the guts. Nylon rope to fasten a couple-three cement blocks to the deceased. Off a bridge into one of the many area rivers. The screwdriver too.
Around here, there is no disposal service for dead livestock (yes, if you live in VA you can call 1-800-DEAD-COW), so many farmers compost the corpse under the manure pile. Lots of heat generated, many micro-beasties, surprisingly quick reduction to bones, even for something cow-sized. Then you can either level the pile a bit, carefully, and landscape, or dig the bones up and bury them individually and far away from each other. Or I suppose THEN rent the wood chipper…
Bingo, out in the forest, 6+’ down, put a fallen log over the spot just in case someone wanders by and wonders why the ground might not be level, and they won’t find the body until the next ice age rolls through.
Hmmm…Wouldn’t a new patio look nice out back?
How fire resistant are bathtubs and bathroom tile? Would it be possible to reduce a body to ashes inside a home?
Something everyone should be able to do in any context (i.e.: without Bond-villain access to acid tanks and such): saw into convenient, bag-sized chunks. Take out teeth, fingers and toes and put them in a small bag. Disfigure. Dump big bags some distance from a highway where no one has a reason to stop. Dump the small bag in a dumpster/river.
Allegedly.
pack in dry ice, box it up, and Fed Ex to #10 Downing Street London England