Send him a link to this thread.
Won’t work. The OP’s real name is Edmund Rhoades Mangetout. The co-worker will suss him out in a second!
This was my first thought.
Type an anonymous note and leave it on his desk. I have sort of been in his shoes once, though not related to picking in any way* and the fact that the conversation came from my boss made it much worse. It went from being something that annoyed my coworkers to something that I was afraid would cost me my job and it made me a nervous wreck.
*My coworkers decided to complain to my boss that I smelled. I had worked there for a year so this was completely news to me when she sat me down to explain the situation. I spent 3 or 4 weeks trying to figure out what they meant by “smell” with no idea of what could be causing the problem. It turned out that Tide had changed their formula and so everyone in the office developed that smell before too long. I left that job, switched to All Free and Clear detergent and haven’t received a complaint since then.
This link on auto-cannibalism has some interesting ideas, including cultural references that could be used in a subtle attempt to get the offender to shape up.
For instance, you might suggest that the co-worker adopt one of these images for his family crest.
I’m thinking that he knows he does it, but not as he does it. When I had a habit of chewing my nails, I wanted to stop but couldn’t because I would just *find * them in my mouth. I was finally able to quit when I got braces, because it hurt, so I would realize it right away.
I think you need to talk with him about it. Start the conversation with some heartfelt compliments about his work, and true statements about his value to the team. Then ask if you can help him with this habit. Tell him that you could tell he saw you noticing,a nd the fact that he hasn’t stopped tells you there’s an underlying problem.
Hopefully, the outcome will be the whole team working together to help him realize and stop when it happens. Just a quiet, tone-neutral “stop” each time you see it should work. Don’t let it become a competition or a race to correct him, it has to be helpful but boring. If it becomes in any way attention-getting for him, that could increase the problem.
Another really sueful tip I heard from a Mom whose child had a nose-pickign problem. Apparently once you create a sensitive area it tingles or itches, and it’s almost impossible to ignore the “call.” Her pediatrician advised using a soft q-tip to apply the neosporin with pain-releiver to the spot. Apparently this numbs the area, and helps de-sensitize and promote healing. Within a couple of weeks the area healed and the problem disappeared. I imagine the same could be true of ears.
I also think that quietly putting a box of tissues on his desk one day, and maybe a bag of hard candy the next, and a small pack of gum the next, etc would be helpful.
Here’s an idea -
Every time any one of the other team members witnesses this behavior, they should audibly but quietly clear their throat. Even if it’s in the middle of a sentence or conversation. The trick is to make sure the throat clearing is done in such a way as it sounds absolutely unconscious and real, not done in a “fake - making a statement” way. This should be something that the target would find annoying in close quarters. Eventually, they would either make the connection to their own behavior or make a comment. If they make a comment about it, it opens the floor for you to describe exactly why you are doing it, and that you will continue to do it until they are broken of their bad habit. It’s not overt or nasty, nor adversarial, it is a helping technique, to help them re-program.
“Oi, [co-worker’s name]. Stop being a disgusting [expletive of choice] and leave your [expletive of choice] bogies alone, you revolting [expletive of choice]. Stick your [expletive of choice] finger up your nose again and I’ll cut the [expletive of choice] thing off. [Expletive of choice].”
Bear in mind that there is a small chance that he’s doing it on purpose to wind up the interlopers in a passive-aggressive way. You may need to back up the threat and remove a finger or two.
I once had to talk to a woman at a gym I worked at because she would loudly clear her sinuses and spit into a towel - which she hung on the treadmill arms while she ran.
I used the “sympathetic” approach - “My husband suffers from sinus problems so I understand the need to clear them frequently, but using a towel is not hygenic. I will make sure there are tissues available, please throw them out after using…”
I’d be with you in the unemployment line. GROSS. I would not be the one “almost gagging” I’d be the one running to the bathroom hoping to make it there before I barfed.
Ugh. This guy seems to have a whole host of body-focused repetitive behaviours. (Dermatophagia, rhinotillexomania, onychophagia, etc.) I only ever knew one kid in my youth who’d pick 'n eat – and he was proud of it, too. Liked the salty taste, apparently. But we were both like 6 at the time, so we hadn’t yet learned the full spectrum of things we should have been ashamed of.
I dunno that I’d have the chutzpah to confront him directly about it, but I’d probably give him such a look the first time I saw him doing it. Letting it go on longer though introduces that “well why didn’t you say something before?” element that’s awkward to get around. I would personally find that anonymous route to go – a disposable, anonymous E-Mail or something being perfectly straight but non-confrontational or accusatory about it. He wouldn’t know who it came from so couldn’t point a finger and may not be inclined to bring it up in case he’s under the delusion that not everyone has noticed and he doesn’t want to just bring it out in the open to everyone like that, but might be made more aware of how it’s effecting the group and try to curtail his activities.
That would be my thinking anyway.
I had a coworker who ate like a pig. Sat at his desk and snorted and grunted, munching and slathering with his mouth open, and worse, stuck each finger and thumb all the way into his mouth and sucked them clean, pulling them out of his mouth with a smacking sound. Ten times after each thing he ate. And he was an absolute glutton too.
Every time he started eating, the emails went round all his coworkers, including me, sharing in our disgust.
What we did: went to his line manager, who said “oh God I don’t know what to do about it”. I then resolved just to put it to him straight - but he got fired for other reasons and we were all totally delighted.
Sorry not to be of more help, but wanted to empathise. These days all I have to deal with is my housemate licking her knife during dinner, which isn’t in itself disgusting, but it was so ingrained in me by my parents as a bad thing to do that I find myself disgusted by it regardless.
Clearly, you should murder your co-worker and hide his body in the drop ceiling.
I think a link to this thread needs to be put in all of the diet-related threads on this board. Reading it would take away anyone’s appetite.
Unless they’re craving earwax.
You lost me at “…and then puts it in his mouth and eats it.” That there are people in the world who actually do this makes me want to pray for God to put us out of our misery already. An asteroid. Now.
The next time he does it, I think you would totally be justified in telling him to stop. Say it just as if he was drumming the table over and over in an annoying fashion. “Can you please stop?” If he plays dumb and says “Stop what?”, you should say “Snacking on whatever it is you’re snacking on. It’s distracting.”
I think that’s oblique enough for him to retain some face, while getting the point across loud and clear.
I compulsively pick at my cuticles, and have done it as long as I can remember. It may be a hereditary thing (but can be triggered by stress/anxiety or as an idle pacifier) as my dad does the same thing. It drives my boyfriend nuts and he tries to help by telling me to stop (like you, sometimes I don’t realize I’m doing it), but after a while it just started to feel like nagging. I appreciate his intent, but this isn’t something I’m doing deliberately, and I haven’t been able to stop. The only thing his help has done is make me even more self-conscious and embarrassed about my hands.
Thankfully I have my own office and try not to pick around other people. The only thing I’ve found to help at all is to find less damaging ways to do it, like using cuticle nippers instead of picking, and keeping moisturized so there aren’t dry snaggy things triggering my impulses. Funny thing is if I’m trying really really hard to leave my hands alone, I end up biting my lips.
It’s awful. I’m glad I read this thread, though, because now I know there’s a name for this and help out there.
Thing is, I was a semi-compulsive (and extreme) nailbiter for nearly 40 years since early childhood, so I do know what it’s like to have a persistent and embarrassing habit.
I stopped doing it quite abruptly a couple of years ago, when I went through a phase of filming instructional videos in which my hands were the only bit of me visible in the frame - I must have been sub-consciously ashamed of my hands, because I just stopped the nailbiting without really noticing that I had stopped (I first noticed when I went to pick up a vegetable in the supermarket and accidentally gouged a slice out of it with my new nails).
Anyway… here’s my plan: I’m going to talk to our line manager about it - and ask whether it is appropriate and proper for me to privately say something to my co-worker. I think I need to do it this way because if it really is the outward signs of a compulsive disorder, I could end up on the receiving end of a complaint of harrassment or something. We work in the public sector, so tolerance and diversity in the workplace is quite highly emphasised, as is adherence to procedure and policy.
This.
Or you could make his boogers too hot to eat by pouring hot sauce in his nose. Whatever works best.
I discussed the matter with my line manager, along with my concerns about possible adverse outcomes if I just wade in and tackle it myself (not that I really feel comfortable doing that, but I will if I need to).
She’s going to consult with HR and get back to me - I expect I’ll be told that it’s OK for me to discuss the matter with him discreetly.
I’m looking forward to finding out what happens! Good luck to you if you’re the one who ends up having “the talk”.