"I'm just being nosy"

The BBQ Pit
1

This is my cow-orker’s excuse for being rude and completely inappropriate as a sort of misplaced friendliness/interest. I’m someone who continually responds politely to this shit because I’m just assuming he’s got bizarre social skills…but it’s getting to the point where I’m going to abandon my social skills and punch him in the kidney. And let me just warn all you kids out there that this is what happens when you bottle up emotions to remain a cheerful team player.

I work in a small doctor’s office (two week temp job) and this guy is sort of a general assistant, filing and mail sorting and stuff. At a tri-daily minimum, he will come right into my cube, look over my shoulder (close enough that I can feel his breath on my neck) and say,

“Just being nosy here, what’s that website?”

“Just being nosy, but what are you writing in that notebook?”

“Just being nosy, but what radio station are you listening to?”

He’ll read my EMAIL over my shoulder and then laugh when I close the window and turn around to look at him,

“I’m just nosy”

Yeah. Well, here’s the thing. Recognizing your problem is step ONE on the road to recovery, but it’s not the finish line. I don’t walk into the grocery store and say “I’m just stealing, but I"m taking three pounds of Gala Apples”. I don’t walk into work and say “I’m chronically late, so that’s why I’m here at 9:30.” And as much as I think it would be quite cathartic, I don’t attack someone on the street and say “I’m just stabbing you to death with my keys.”

He talks to me WHILE I AM ON THE PHONE with patients, and then says “I’m interrupting”. He asks me what i’m eating for lunch, what it cost, and where I got it. “just being nosy”
YES. YOU ARE And here’s my advice. It’s amateur, I know. I mean, I’m not a clinical psychologist or Dr. Phil or anything, but if you know exactly what you’re doing or about to do with such clarity as to ANNOUNCE IT TO ME …THEN DON’T FUCKING DO IT. GOT IT?

Thank my savior I’m out of here on Friday.

2

Next time he comes over, scroll to this message:

Go away you nosy little twerp!

3

Maybe the reason your position was open is that no one can stand to be around him for more than 2 weeks? :wink:

Seriously, I understand. I have a co-worker who absolutely MUST see whatever is on my monitor, and if he can’t get a good view before the screen saver kicks in (while we are talking), he’ll actually reach across my desk to jiggle the mouse and switch back out of the screen saver. :rolleyes: One of these days I’ll make a point of “accidentally” bringing up some raunchy guy pic when he stops by; maybe then he’ll knock it off.

4

sunfish - You should lock your workstation or set a screensaver password.

jarbabyj - The next time that he comes up behind you, push your chair back hard before he has a chance to say something. “oops! I didn’t see you there! I hope your foot/nuts/ribs stop hurting this week…”

5

It gets better.

He just asked me about my dog because he “heard me talking to my husband” about my dog on the phone the other day.

I was tempted to ask to review the transcripts.

6

Have a partially composed e-mail on your screen when he comes around “…work is going well except for this one coworker of mine; he’s so NOSY! He’s always hanging over my shoulder, breathing in my ear, and he smells like he hasn’t bathed in a week, I can’t STAND that guy, yada yada yada…” Or have such a conversation with your husband, since he’s listening in now as well.

Either that, or put up a picture of goatse on your monitor. That might do it.

7

I know the passive aggressive stuff is fun and all, but here’s a wacky idea.

TELL HIM TO MIND HIS OWN FUCKING BUSINESS!

If he doesn’t get the point, take it to a supervisor, or threaten him with physical violence.

Problem solved.

8

Reminds me of a George S Kaufman story. He was nosy too, and would wander around others’ homes reading letters, telegrams, etc. Once when he was writing a play with someone he picked up a telegram, which read “GEORGE KAUFMAN IS AN OLD SNOOP.”

9

Well, World Eater, I don’t want to be mean to him since it’s sort of clear he’s trying to be jovial and friendly. He’s not snooping around trying to steal my identity or anything. It’s just irritating like an unending swarm of gnats. I wasn’t really looking for a ‘solution’ to the problem just a venting to keep from violencing him. I’m out of here on Friday. Won’t be a problem any more.

10

Yeah, I hear you. I’m one for speaking up if something annoys me, but you need to pick your battles, and seeing that your out of there in a few days, it doesn’t sound worth it. Personally I would pull him aside and tell him the deal, who knows, you may make life more palatable for the next temp.

11

“It’s about how a guy killed his nosy, obnoxious co-worker and got away with it.”

12

Go to Miss Manners (Judith Martin) for advice. She’s got a column and at least one book. She’ll have this covered in her book with something like - “My goodness, why would you ask something personal like that?” and/or “Just being nosy? How quaint” and then you go back to whatever you are doing and ignore the person. She has good stuff that lets you get your point across while still being within the boundaries of good manners.

Or, the shot in the nuts with a chair or something is good too.

13

Go ahead and staple his lips together.

Then say

I’m just being violent.

14

I know someone who will ask the most nosy question and then, sensing reluctance, will try to make it all better with: “I’m just being nosy”.

Um, yes you are. And since you know you’re being nosy, how about I tell you to fuck off?

Nosy people are the most annoying on earth, next to constant complainers and people who talk too much.

15

And don’t forget people who are different. They’re the worst!

16

I like that! I’d probably say it slightly differently – “Just being nosy, huh? How funny!” and then not answer the question. But it seems like a great approach to me.

Daniel

17

Out of curiosity, a great approach to what?

18

I’ve got to tell you. More often than not, Miss Manners strikes me as the most condescending person on the planet. You can be blunt without being the exceedingly snotty.

What’s wrong with “if you don’t mind, these emails are private?”. Why do you have to add the “how quaint?”

I’d rather be punched in the face than talked down to.

19

A great approach to a nosy coworker.

jarbaby, fair enough; I guess Miss Manners’s approach strikes me as not so much condescending as veiledly snarky. If someone said this to me, my likely response would be an embarrassed laugh and a, “fair enough.” It’s essentially a way to tell someone that you’re not going to put up with their nosiness without setting it up as an open confrontation or an invitation to a fight.

I might also respond to someone who said “I’m just being nosy” with an exasperated laugh and, “Well, then, DON’T be!” That’d be a little more confrontational, but would at least give them the out of treating it like a joke and walking away.

But given the temp nature of the assignment, seething quietly might be the best response :).

Daniel

20

Oh–and I know you’re not looking for solutions to the problem. It’s a sucky situation, to be sure, and I’m just thinking about how I’d handle it, not telling you how you should :).

Daniel