Hi All, I have a very close friend that frequently picks his nose in front of me, often spits when we are outside, and always eats with his mouth open. My friend is in his 50’s, educated, very intelligent, and an otherwise all around nice guy. I asked him once to please do me a favor, and to not chew with his mouth open, and his reply was “i’ll think about it”. As most of our meeting revolve around dining out, I am sometimes now avoiding him due to his habits that I find annoying. I really do not like to avoid dining out with him, but the lip smacking is something that bothers me that I cannot ignore.
So, what can I do about his habits , if anything ?
What do you guys think ? Am I being too picky, or does this type of behaviour annoy anyone else also ?
Ew. That kind of behavior would drive me crazy too. Personally I think it would be reasonable for you to tell him it makes you uncomfortable and that it needs to stop. It might be an awkward conversation but at least then there is some hope that he’ll amend his ways. Not much fun to stay friends with someone who is always making you cringe.
Is he foreign? People here in China act like that and it isn’t considered as rude.
Hi Mahaloth,
He’s American , and is well educated,
I don’t think you can do anything to change him, and trying may only lead to hard feelings between the two of you.
There is no law that says you have to be friends with everyone. If his behavior is difficult for you to tolerate, then politely decline future interactions. I don’t think it would be necessary to point out why, though.
OMG, I sit right next to a guy at work who’s just like this.
Not only does he chew with his mouth open, he talks with his mouth open. I can’t stand it. I find it repulsive.
It’s gotten so bad lately that when I even hear him rustling a bag over there, I have to put my headphones on to drown out the inevitable slurping and smacking sounds that are sure to follow.
He also picks his face until it bleeds and leaves these ugly open sores all over his face. It’s a nervous tick, I think. Competely disgusting.
I used to work facing a girl who picked her face all day - sometimes until it bled - while staring at her computer. She also felt like it was perfectly appropriate to pick her nose and eat the boogers right there at her desk, too.
No, I’m not making any of this up.
I guess she did it so often that it became an unconscious act for her, so she did it in public all the time. I finally lost it one day, and we had it out. She was shocked that her actions would bother me.
Were these people raised by wolves?
He talks with his mouth open?
The nerve of the man!
:smack:
He talks with his mouth full.
ew.
There is nothing wrong with spitting outside. Picking your nose quicky isn’t too bad if its just him and you and it isn’t like an obsessive habit or longly drawn out. It’s okay to be disturbed by the eating bit.
This is my life. I have not one, but several coworkers who eat like they think I’d prefer a microphone lodged between their molars be hooked up to the PA and turned up to eleven. I have slowly decreased the frequency of my lunches out to nearly zero (with the beneficial side-effect of savinig money) so as to avoid assault by aural mastication, but sadly they’ve come to see the financial benefits as well, and one of them sits in the cube behind mine:
::smick, smack…snarf…sluuuuuuuurrp…hick, smack smack, nyom…snarfle…smick::
A while ago he had a bad cold, which made it impossible for him to breath through his nose. The results were a horrifying magnification and augmentation of the above, interspersed with all the noises you expect an 80-year-old emphysema patient to make when clearing his trachea of several quarts of semi-dried mucus. I’ve gotten used to several disgusting things through my job, but this one is becoming increasingly intolerable.
Feel lucky you can talk about it. I don’t feel I can, as I’m outnumbered and fearful of cultural sensitivities. If this guy is your friend, he’ll show a modicum of respect and opt not to be a total ass and comply your wishes. If he can’t make that simple gesture, I’d question what “friend” is supposed to mean to him. Yeah, maybe his habits don’t hurt anyone (say, the way napalm hurts anyone) but the nose picking, trainwreck-in-a-tunnel stuff is Just. Fucking. Repulsive. You’re not in the wrong, no matter what they say. Remember that.
Thanks for all the replies thus far. The little we have talked about it I got the impression he thought I was being too sensitive, and that his behaviour would not bother anyone else.
What about emailing him a link to this thread with the explanation that I wanted some anonymous opinions on whether I should be grossed out or not ?
I truly do value his friendship, but it has reached the point where I sometimes avoid him, and I hate that.
Disagree. Absolutely disgusting. If you have some compulsion to spit, find a washroom or at least a garbage can. Ugh.
Completely agreed!! I live in an area with a large population of Chinese men and it is perfectly acceptable to them so I have to encounter this disgustingness often. There is nothing worse than seeing a guy that beyond hot and then watching him hock a loogie. Ew. And sometimes they do it a foot away from where I am walking. Gah, it makes me sick just thinking about it.
I also disagree. I started a thread on this sometime ago, and I excuse the people who are exercising. But the ones with the swagger, the ones who spit all the time for no good reason and feel they must do it right in the middle of the sidewalk, they have no excuse.
Yuck.
Glad to know I’m not alone in my disgust of public spitting. Most of the pigs, er, spitters I see are of the young swaggering man variety as well.
Oh, lately teenaged girls are doing it, too. Lovely trait in a young girl, no?
Spitting is revolting. It’s not the spitting like spitting-out-toothpaste-spitting, but the incredibly disgusting, revolting, hoarking and ptewing. Oh, it instantly makes me want to vomit, and thereby add my own pile of bodily fluid to the sidewalk. I hate it so much that when I hear someone cough, I flinch, waiting for the god-awful hooooooooarking sound to follow. And seeing it on the sidewalk? Ew. Ew. Ew.
Disgusting. If I were the Queen of the World…
Not for the squeamish (like me), but
I’d make the offenders get down on their knees and lick it back up.
So, yes. Picking one’s nose, spitting, and chewing with one’s mouth open? All very much off-putting, and I agree with the OP. You are not being too picky.
I knew that comment would kill the thread. I’m sorry!
I didn’t say anything about spitting on the sidewalk that would be rude when there is grass or a gutter on the other side, but honestly, you must be some kind of “citified dude” or up tight holier than thou Miss Manners type to be so affected by someone spitting when they need to spit. :rolleyes:
My window at work faces a lot where I see men pee about once every two or three weeks in the summer. Sometimes I daydream that I’ll go post a sign that says, “if you’re taking a pee right now, people can see you.” So I guess there are worse things than spitting.
When I was a kid, I knew girls who liked to hock a loogie. Pretty gross. I knew a guy who did it every time we walked home from school and we’d have the same fight every day, “Why do you have to do that?”
“What do you want me to do, swallow it?”
etc.
My strategy with these things is to just not look at the person unless I have to. Even if it’s someone you like, just stop gazing upon them. Look at the trees or the sky or something.
emphasis mine.
And your original quote:
So. You say spitting outside is Ok, not specifying where. I come along and say, no, it’s OK if you’re exercising (because I understand that need), but not OK for no reason. Basically, it’s OK when you *need * to spit but not when you are just trying to be “cool”.
Then. You come back and say, no, you idiot, didn’t you know I meant only in the gutter and not on the sidewalk, and anyway, you’re uptight because every time people spit they absolutely must spit.
So. Basically you’re expect me to read more into your statement then what’s there, while you ignore the facts of my statement and read into it whatever you feel like.
Right?
Do you have some problems with your reading comprehension? Save your :rolleyes: for yourself.