This will be very short, so just take this for what it’s worth, lol. I am twenty-two years old, and for the past five years I have been dead. Yes, you heard me, dead. In 1998 I broke up with my girlfriend with whom I was with for almost three years, and ever since that happened, I have been a lost soul, my life has been on pause. I haven’t had a relationship, finished college, had a job for more than six months, NOTHING, it’s rather f’d up. Anyhow…
…I know what I want to do, and that is write/make films and also help people, to give a meaning to my life. Every time I start in the dirrection, I seem to loose focus, and find myself not being dedicated. I KNOW I want this, but I can’t seem to just DO it. I don’t know what the problem is. I know I have plenty of time, I’m very young, so I’m not worried in that sense, I simply can’t seem to truly dedicate myself to ANYTHING, I can not focus on what I want, and I can not clear my mind in order to do this.
Can any of you offer me any advice? Please don’t say go on a road trip and stuff like that, because however much that may help, I have no money to do anything like that. I’m just needing direction, and I want to start living. I want to be born again, and rise from the death which I have been floundering in for five years.
If you’re looking to appreciate life, might I suggest Zen Gardens? Take up Floral design? They might sound like rather gimpy hobbies but until you learn to love the small things in life, you’ll never be able to see the bigger picture. Tai Chi is also very fun, learning to focus on one thing at one time is very challenging (despite how easy it sounds). North Americans tend to try to do everything, but never succeed. We bitch and moan about our 9 to 5’s and yet in Asia the people like to work as it brings honour (trying to remember video we watched in class today). Learn to do something small before you try to find the meaning in your life.
Do you have a vice? Do you drink too much? Smoke too much? Eat too much? If so, try to conquer a vice; it’s a tremendously powerful feeling.
If not, I’d also suggest taking up a hobby; not specifically flower design (unless that attracts you), but something you can do a little bit each day. It’s a form of meditation: Some people meditate by sitting down and meditating, while others do it by tying flies, arranging flowers, jogging, playing with the dog, reading books, doing crossword puzzles, cooking, working out, or whathaveyou. Find something you enjoy doing, not for the end-product, but because the process pleases you, and do that every day. It’s enormously beneficial to spend a bit of time totally focused on something that way; I often find that at the end of the day, I feel as if the day has been divided into “before” and “after” segments, the “after” being without exception more clear-headed, more productive, more enjoyable.
Also I’d suggest you not beat yourself up too much over what you perceive to be your lack of dedication or some such. People who live in a luxurious society full of available distractions are prone to distraction; that’s human nature.
If all else fails, get rid of your TV. That’s what I did for about three years.
Well, when I hit this stage in my life I went hitchhiking. I decided to go on a Saturday. I stored all my stuff at a friends house Sunday and left Monday. I was gone for a little more than four months, not including time back country camping. When I ran out of money I would find a day labor place and work for a day.
I’ll say exercise. Good for mind and body. Join a gym. Take up a sport. Go running. Good for body and mind. Not to mention there is a good deal of cheap equipment available.
Other than that, just try things until you find something that matters and that you can stick with. If writing is frustrating you, put it on the back burner for the short term. Maybe focus on working and getting money for the road trip which could help your writing. Create simple short term goals and build from the success.
My thoughts go more along the lines of Harborwolf’s. I have found that making a plan or check list of what I want to accomplish. Go after them one by one. This can be as simple as a daily list of small things, or a major list that when complete, you have reached your goal and be making movies. When I see my goals / objectives written, it has always helped me stay focused.
You sound like you might be a good candidate for antidepressants. Once you get past the doom and gloom, concentration and creativity will probably come easier to you.