I keep thinking nasty things about the appearance of people that I don’t even know - people I just see when out and about. I absolutely hate it because it makes me feel really horrible and just want to go back to when I didn’t think these things. I don’t agree with them and I don’t act on them, but my brain keeps going and it’s rather exhausting. Please help! I don’t know what to do.
You can’t really control the thoughts that come up in your head. They are totally meaningless if you don’t start to engage with them.
You need to treat them like cars that pass by in the street. You recognise that it went by but you don’t need to think about what make, model ,year or color it was. It was just one of the many.many cars that drives past your home.
It may help to label the thought as, “this is the thought about how people look.”
You can’t stop the thoughts, but you could try to do something to stop you feeling bad about it?
Why not, for every negative thought about someone’s image, you think about something good? If it’s someone you know, you could use their personality.
For example:
God, their hair is disgusting.
But, they are intelligent/ they are kind/ they communicate well
For someone you don’t know, it can be harder, but you can still use their mannerisms/dress as a counter point.
For example:
God, they need a face lift.
but they have good posture/they waited for everyone to get off the train before getting on/ they style their hair well…
Personally I believe that you can control the thoughts that go through your head. It’s difficult and modern society does little to encourage it, but it’s doable. When you have a bad thought about a person, consciously make the decision to reject it and substitute a good thought. Practice it and be consistent.
I’ll throw this one out - who knows, it might work?
When you see person X, instead of thinking “actually I despise that person, good thing I don’t act on that”. try "I wonder what it’s like to go through life being X how their lives must be so different than mine, in even the smallest of ways?
What made you begin to think thoughts you don’t want? Maybe there was a source for that, and maybe you’d do better by eliminating that source?
Play with "what is really true? How did I decide to believe what I do? What If I were to switch positions with that person?
You’ll soon learn that life is too damned short for such crappola.
It’s possible to control some of the thoughts that go through your head, but it may not be possible to control all of them. The important part is to keep them as thoughts, and not let them turn into actions. I may get the hang of that some day.
I know people with some mental issues and whenever they start nattering about nonsense, I say to myself “it must be hell living in their head.” Basically trying to have some sympathy for them instead of letting them make me angry.
Thought number one: Maybe you could do a little people-watching and try looking at people the way you would look at art. Look at all the different shapes and the little details. You could even try sketching them. People look a whole lot better when you’re not expecting them to be pretty.
Thought number two: When I find myself being overly critical and having too many thoughts I don’t want to have, it is generally a sign of anxiety. When that happens, I work on reducing stress, sleeping enough, etc. That makes it easier for me to catch myself, take a deep breath, and change the subject.