How can I get a flat flattop when cutting my own hair?

I got a home haircutting system, and I want to clean up my flattop this weekend. How can I get a really flat flattop when I cut it myself?

It would help if you say what system you have, or at least describe it.

Wet your hair and comb straight. Place a paper plate on the floor with about half an inch of paint in it. Dip your head into it. Let dry, and cut off the colored parts.

Back when flattops were cool (1990?), I remember seeing a large comb-like device with a bubble level built into it. Other than that, and a bunch of disparaging comments about flattops belonging safely back in 1990, I’ve got nothing.

I can’t imagine how one could do a proper flattop without professional help.

I used to wear a flattop, and I was amazed at how much time it took my barber to do a good job of it. Then I realized that the tolerances are much closer.

Hi power green laser pointer?

Flowbee?

You will need a flat top comb. I have also had flat tops and found many stylists have trouble doing it, it’d be hard but I think it could be done.

Would it be too much to ask you to put the attempt on YouTube?

carefully position your head on the table saw, tun on the blade and slide your head forward…

This one.

One barber takes forever and all she does is eye my head in the mirror like she’s taking a shot in pool, one flick of the razor, eye again, etc. Another barber can do it in 10 minutes. I think both of them are angling for a bigger tip but for different reasons.

Is this some sort of sick shaving fetish?

A system? When the hell did a home barber’s electric razor be called a system?

When I decided “system” was easier to type than “8-in-1 Groomer”

Is one of the functions a lightsaber?

Are you white or black?