How can I get over my fear of driving?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Here’s the deal. I’m a twenty-two year old college student. I finally got my driver’s license last August, and my beloved '89 Accord last November. I’m going to college in Orange County, where the public transportation is negligable and doesn’t go anywhere I need to go, so getting the car has increased my freedom a hundredfold.

But driving scares the hell out of me.

Not always. I love driving, actually. I think it’s mainly the other drivers that scare me. But in the whole time I’ve had my car I’ve driven it to my parents’ house in LA a grand total of once. I’ve taken the train instead a number of times. (Admittedly, I asked my mom to drive it up Thanksgiving weekend because it looked like it was gonna rain and rain + holiday traffic = doubleplusungood.)

My roommate just called asking if I wanted tickets to Les Misérables, and I seriously considered turning them down, even though I love the musical, because I’ve never been to the place it’s playing at and the thought of driving somewhere unknown scares me.

I have a friend flying down to visit, and I actually tried to talk him into coming in to Burbank Airport and taking a train down, because I know how to get to the train station but not how to get to John Wayne Airport (like a ten-minute drive from campus).

Now, I don’t have to drive much, as I live within walking distance of campus, the grocery store, and work, but this is getting ridiculous. I was going on some errands today and at least a hundred times while I was driving I heard in my mind’s ear the sound of cars hitting each other (that dull metal sound), and at least a hundred times I thought “Accidents come out of nowhere. That guy over there could just turn into me, and I wouldn’t have time to react.” Things like that.

I don’t know why this is. I’ve only been in two accidents in my life, both minor: a friend rearended a Buick at like ten miles an hour (Buick vs. Mercury Topaz = no contest), and someone tapped my rear bumper at a stoplight (her car was bright red, didn’t leave any mark or paint on the bumper). A fairly serious accident happened in front of my last apartment, a van got t-boned by a pickup and while I’m sure everyone is okay now the vehicles were totalled.

How can I stop obsessing about this? How can I accept the fact that accidents happen without letting it keep me from getting behind the wheel? This is Southern California, for crying out loud, the Land Of Cars. Driving is fun. So why does the thought of driving back to LA after finals already worry me?

2

I know this fear.

Last November I was in a car accident, through no fault of my own. There I was, minding my own business, waiting for traffic to clear so I could make a left-hand turn and BAM! I’m still recovering from the injury to my back.

Afterward, I HATED being in a car. I no longer wanted to drive, and even being a passenger was nerve-wracking. I would tense up, staring in the mirror trying to judge if a car was going to stop, or hit us.

But I could not be a prisoner in my home. We have no public transportation in my town, so driving is a must. I started out slowly, little trips to the store and such, slowly working my way up to longer ones. It was hard, but I forced myself to do it. My need for physical therapy required I drive 35 minutes per way on a freeway, which was the most trying.

Caution is good. Because you’re watching other drivers carefully, you may actually lower your chances of being in an accident, but obsessing helps no one. Try slowly increasing the length of your trips as I did. Getting used to driving again will help ease some of your anxiety, but, if after time passes, you still feel overly-anxious, you may consider seeing a therapist who can help you work through it.

3

Dragonblink, I have had the same fear in the past. I’ve had two accidents that could be classified as non-minor.

What I suggest to you is to take a defensive / advanced driving course. Your confidence will improve, you’ll know you’ve just increased your ability to deal with tricky situations and while doing it, you may come to understand that there’s only so much you can do and the alternative is to turn into a gibbering mess and withdraw from a large part of your life. You may still have a horrible accident, even after all the best training in the world, but you’ll have done your best and chosen to move on from there.

Good luck. I know it’s not fun driving around, visualising death or horrific accidents happening at every second intersection.

4

Dragonblink, I was in almost the exact same situation last year, when I bought my first car; I had never driven anywhere but rural back roads, and now found myself having a lot of driving to do in suburban areas - muti-lane highways with exits and on-ramps, busy streets with stoplights and turning lanes; these were simply not things I knew how to deal with, and I was terrified any time I had to go somewhere. Add to that the fact that there were - gasp- OTHER CARS ON THE ROAD, and I was pretty sure I was going to get in an accident every time I went anywhere.

The only thing that helped was practice. By baby steps, I learned how to drive in non-rural environments, so I’m no longer gripped with fear when I have to go to the grocery store. Though I still wouldn’t be caught dead driving in the city. Thank goodness for public transportation.

Best of luck, all I can tell you is that it gets easier with time.

5

I’ve seen this developing in me over the past few months, and it worries me.

I was always someone who loved to drive. I found it relaxing and when I was stressed, I’d go for a long drive on a fairly empty highway. Now I find myself stressing a lot whenever I’m behind the wheel.
I’ve wondered if it’s because I don’t do as much driving anymore or because I’m worried how I’d handle it financially if I did have a wreck. There’s also the consideration that I know my contact prescription has changed but I haven’t found the funds to get to the eye doctor (in the plans for this week, even if I have to not eat anything other than ramen for the next month).

Just this morning I was turning onto campus and I thought I saw someone coming at me from the left. That about freaked me out, even though I knew I had the turn light AND nothing should have been coming at me from that direction. While it’s not affecting my life as yet, I do know that I need to deal with it sooner rather than later.

6

After a horrible car kisses tree incident 6 months after getting my license, I was scared to drive. Wouldn’t even drive to school 2 miles away. Wouldn’t drive to the shop 1 mile away. Nope. Preferred to walk, take a bus or ride with friends.

Just could not bring myself to get behind the wheel again.

My folks finally made me do it. They went out, got drunk and phoned me for a ride home. I was scared poopless, but made myself do it. Thereafter they would ask me to do errands for them. Finally after a few months, I was able to drive again, but it took a lot of coaxing to do so.

I recommend taking it slowly, but trying to drive frequently. Not far, but enough so that after a while you become comfortable behind the wheel. When you are relaxed, go a bit further each time. Hopefully your confidence will grow and you’ll feel much more comfotable driving.

Good luck.

7

hey, i’m sorry you have that problem. try to see it in this way, you could be hurt at any moment. you could slip and fall and break your neck. you could eat,smoke and drink enough carcinogens to well…you know…get cancer…anything could happen to you at any moment, so why let it stop you from walking, eating and doing what is essential in daily life. if its a true phobia, get professional help, not advice here eh?

8

I don’t know if this will help or not…but here goes:

It is okay to be afraid of driving. Although your fear may sound a little compuslive, most good drivers have a certain amount of that fear within them.

I am okay when I drive roads I know…whether they be residential streets or stacked overpasses. However, I get a little paranoid when I drive on streets I don’t know. Sometimes, it is hard to tell what lane a person is supposed to be in. However, that fear is more from breaking a traffic rule than it is fear from an accident. I have driven for twelve years without one, so that fear has dwindled. However, I feel that if I always adhere to alll traffic rules and heed all warning signs, I am doing my part to avoid an accident. If everyone did that, we would have no accidents (I do not believe that “accidents happen”).

Driving well comes with experience. I, however, hope that a little bit of that fear always stays in you.

9

Fear is a normal part of driving for me in a more difficult setting. Keeps me from being really stupid, I think. I would say the trick is just to keep driving and get used to where you’re going to have be driving a lot. I drove in Boston once. It was scary. I don’t relish doing it again, but I really should. I often experience low-grade fear on the highway, especially at night or in wind/rain. Makes me that much happier to get on smaller roads.

10

drive.

Seriously.

Drive at night(LATE, make sure you’re still awake) when you’re unlikely to kill anyone if you screw up. Bring a friend whom you trust.

Drive some more.

You’ll get it.

11

Dragonblink, an accident involving a patch of ice, bald tires, and a guard rail left me terrified of driving in snow three years ago. Like other people around here, having to drive to get to work helped ease things, although it took a while. I still drive a bit more slowly than I used to in bad weather.

Driving and navigating in unfamiliar territory can be particularly bad. If it’s your roommate who wants to go see Les Miserable, see if you can’t arrange to have one person drive and one person navigate. Otherwise, try printing out maps of where you’re going at various scales. Also, if you know you’re going to turn on such-and-such street, make note of the names of streets before and after the one you turn on so you’ll know if you’ve passed it or haven’t reached it yet. You might even want to try a test run when there’s likely to be light traffic to get familiar with the area. Since I am a bit of religious fanatic, I also tend to pray a bit if things are tense. If nothing else, it helps focus my concentration and settle my nerves.

Good luck, and please don’t give up. Us dragons have got to get around somehow, and the FAA frowns on too much use of the wings! :wink:

CJ

12

I hate driving too. I’ve had my license for over 3 years now, but driving still freaks me out (especially since I totalled some poor guy’s car a few years ago). I’m better about driving around the town I live in, since I know the roads well, but I hate traffic and will make excuses to avoid going into Pittsburgh or anywhere where there’s a lot of traffic. It just makes me panic and really gets the adrenaline flowing.

Anyway, try driving down busy streets really early in the morning, when there isn’t much traffic. I’d never do that since I’m never really awake until lunch time, but it sounds like a good way to get familiar with the roads. Then work on traffic.

13

I don’t want to sound mean but if your being scared of driving is causing problems on the road (going far too slow for conditions, making poor lane changing choices) you might want to stay off of them until you feel less afraid. I can understand if you’ve been in an accident but it doesn’t excuse the fact that you might end up a liability if you’re idea of driving is doing 20 mph on the freeway (an extreme example of course).

I hold no fears while driving. I pay attention, drive at 7/10th at all times except with passengers. About the only worry is other drivers who I tag as bad drivers. For instance, if you’re changing lanes, make it quick. Don’t make lane changes that take a mile to complete. This is very dangerous but many people are very timid and cause a lot of headaches for drivers.

If the fear you feel makes you drive too defensively, you might need to either take a good driving course (for upgrading skills) or find an empty parking lot and let loose. You need to feel in command of your vehicle to feel safer. I don’t know if it snows down there but if it does, use the time to get used to over/under steer. Use an empty parking lot for braking maneuvers, hand brake emergency avoidance and general “cone” (or light stand) driving.

Of course I wouldn’t consider a 89 accord the best vehicle for playing rally driver but since it’s your car, you need feel safe driving it. Make sure your car is in good condition (my biggest rush was driving my 88 bonneville after some brake work only to find out, on the highway, that they forgot to top off the brake fluid). If there’s something about the Accord itself that makes you feel this way, trade it.

14

There is some good advice to be found in this first paragraph…i just hope it’s not advice that will compound the problem.

The best advice along these lines I can give to “uncomfortable” drivers is to stay away from busy interstates. Where the speed limit is 40, as long as one is wearing his/her safety belt and taking necessary precautions, it is extremely difficult (though not impossible) to be hurt in an accident. However, at speeds of 60-70 (and probably higher, since you live in SoCal), a safety belt and an airbag will oftentimes not be enough to prevent a sever injury especially in an '89 Accord. Say what you will about “new” cars, the automobile industry has comes leaps and bound regarding safety issues over the last decade.

However, one aspect that will help tremendously with anyones paranoya about driving comes, of course, with experience. Learning the tendencies of other drivers helps a great deal. Most “accidents-waiting-to-happen” drivers have patterns that tend to repeat themselves.

**

The “proper” way to make a lane change is to signal for about five seconds to see if the car in the other lane is going to give or not, then quickly complete the lane change. Any other habit annoys me tremendously. When I see a car in the other lane advancing like he wants to sqeeze in front of me, I’ll speed up to not give him room until he signals. If he doesn’t signal, he doesn’t get in. If he signals, I’ll back off. Changing lanes without a signal is very dangerous…more dangerous, I feel, than my own actions to try to prevent it. Even more dangerous are the people who like to change 2-3 lanes at a time and the people who like to slow down on an interstate entrance ramp.

**

Some good advice here. Also, I’d like to point out that an '89 Accord can be downright scary to drive…especially for a novice driver. My first vehicle was a Chevette, but my mother drove an '87 Accord. The thing sat a bit too low to the ground for my liking as the misleading size of the hood made it almost impossible for me to judge where my passenger side front bumper was. I had the opportunity to drive an '89 Prelude the other day (which sits even lower to the ground), but I found that experience (after quite a bit of driving experience) to be downright fun. I just wish it wasn’t blizzarding that day, as I did not get a chance to punch her to the floor.

15

I used to be the same way, Dragonblink, maybe not to the point where you seem to be, but driving new roads would always make me feel like someone had attached a string to my spinal cord and was pulling it through the windshield. I would be tense for hours after driving in rush hour traffic.

Along with everyone else, I would suggest baby steps. Also, buy a good map, or a GPS system if you have the cash, and get to know the areas where you will be driving the most. If driving on major highways really bothers you, plan a way to avoid them. If it takes you 25 minutes to get somewhere instead of 15, I would consider it time well spent, because you will be more relaxed, and will have been able to say you did in fact drive.

My other suggestion is to do what I call a “dry run”. I used to do this all the time when I was just starting to drive. Have to drive into the city next friday night for that show? Take a couple of hours on the Sunday before, figure out where you need to go, and with no time constraints, you can figure out exactly how to get where you are going.

Also, I second the defensive driving course idea. I had to take one after I was involved in a very minor accident, and they really do wonders for your confidence.

Best of luck! :slight_smile:

16

I currently am in a similar situation. End of seventh grade (about four years ago) I was in a very nasty accident. Dad was driving, we got broadsided, very nasty. I walked away, dad walked away, but the other party involved didn’t and our car was dead forever. Now, I got my permit about two months ago. Was really, really excited about it, because while I can’t yet drive without the parents, I can drive .

Until after I finished my driving lessons, got my permit, and drove down a highway for the first time without a certified instructor with a brake pedal riding shotgun. I was terrified. Currently, I’ve driven once to my math tutors (a good half-hour, but a straight shot down a highway), to the library (just under a mile from my school, right down the road, for a grand total of three turns), and to the pet store. That time was only because my parents threatened not to buy my dog’s favorite food (yeah, I spoil her horribly, and pay more for her food than I do for mine, I think) if I didn’t drive. Then, I drove myself to school.

I’m still scared to drive (like, physical shaking, short of breath scared). But I think that the best thing to do is start driving the roads you know, with a friend, at a non-busy hour. Tell the friend what’s going on, make them force you to drive. I have a feeling it’s just fear of the unknown, and fear of power - several tons of steel and glass going at sixty miles an hour can do a lot of damage. Usually, though, it doesn’t.

Good luck!

17

Thank you all for your advice. It’s nice to know I’m not the only person who’s so nervous behind the wheel! :slight_smile:

With gas as expensive as it is and my time as limited as it is (working on two undergraduate degrees), I don’t drive as much as I’d like to, but I’ll see if I can squeeze in some more over spring break, especially late-night driving when there’s no-one on the roads.

Actually, the streets around here aren’t so bad – the speed limit averages 50mph but the streets are very wide and traffic is rarely a problem. But freeways, narrower streets, and places I don’t know still worry me. I’ll just have to make more “practice runs”.

I also feel the need to defend my Accord a bit – it’s in excellent shape. I don’t know much about fixing cars but I have a copy of Auto Repair for Dummies and a Haynes repair manual for my car, and check the fluids every month, the oil more often (there’s a small leak, I keep it topped off). And I’ve driven it fast enough to know that it handles smoothly at 85 mph (I’m not a fast driver but I also don’t want to be the slowest person on the road because other drivers get annoyed and aggressive).

I learned to drive in an '89 Taurus, so the Accord is a joy. It’s no sports car, but it’s lighter, punchier, and more responsive than the Ford Sedanwhale. I was quite pleased to be able to find something so (relatively) young, dependable, and in such good shape in my limited price range. It has, however, become somewhat reluctant to start because it spends about five days at a time sitting in my garage untouched.

18

I’ll try to keep it short. While a rash of accidents, some rather bad, when I was much younger didn’t faze me, I rather recently had to overcome a driving associated timidity.

Essential tremors are a progressive neurological syndrome that many, many people have, including myself. I was finally diagnosed by a good physician about six years ago, and, since I didn’t care to be taking medications all of the time, he gave me 40 mg propranalol to take on a “dropping bombs” basis, i.e., only when I felt I needed it.

One Sunday about a year and a half ago, I had worked all day and was driving home on the freeway. Just as I passed the last exit before a large interchange, meaning a couple of miles of many lanes of traffic at speed before an exit would be possible, I started to shake. Uncontrollably. I had never experienced the tremors to that degree - my head was shaking back and forth and my arms were flapping like wings. It scared the shrieking dweez out of me.

Hugging the outside lane of the freeway I was coming from meant, at the merge, I was in the middle of six lanes of zipping metal bodies! Yikes! And I couldn’t hold my head still and the feet were wantin’ in on the act.

I finally got over to the shoulder and stopped the car. And several minutes later, myself.

It took about an hour to creep, in fits and stops, to the next exit, and the drive home on surface streets, at ~30 mph, was tense. I had probably not taken any meds for a couple of weeks at that point.

I saw my doctor the next morning, and he put me on daily time-release 120 mg, with 20 mg “bombs” as needed. No problem, no incidents have occurred since. But I didn’t know that then.

I developed a pronounced reticence to drive on freeways and highways. When having to drive somewhere with co-workers, I became very good at quickly diagnosing a freeway as impassably blocked and quickly heading off on an alternate surface route. When going out of town, I’d take suburban streets as far as I could, then sneak up on the Interstate on a farm-to-market road as far from the city as possible.

And I knew this was unworkable, and I had to get over it.

So, I started, at first on Sundays, doing an entrance ramp, get up to 60-65, and then exit. Didn’t take long for that to seem like the bunny slope. Two in a row was an easy transition, and I was soon back to my two exit blast to work.

But I remained fearful of long stretches with no bail out. Where the major freeways cross over downtown Houston, they’re largely elevated, fast and it can be 6 or 7 miles between opportunities to exit, and the exits just seem to dump you onto another freeway full of angry, buzzing vehicles. And any freeway interchange, even in the 'burbs, involves long stretches of commitment to being in control.

Had to be dealt with, so I went once again to the Sunday-then-segue strategem. I drove all of the major interchanges when traffic was as light as it gets and I had plenty of time. Gradually I worked my way back to where I could represent BMW drivers anywhere, anytime, on any Freeway IN THE WORLD! Godammit!

Celebrating my newly rewon freedom, I decided to zip up the Allen Parkway and grab I-45 on the mid-town interchange and head on up to Dallas for a Dopefest. I made it north of town when I first had to make a quick steering correction to stay out of somebody. It happened again a few miles later. I stopped at the first rest stop to just walk around and see if I felt OK. Seemed fine, so off again. Many more little scares, mostly of the unplanned lane change variety. I find that dropping from 80 to 60 makes a big difference, so I limp on in to Dallas.

'Fest was a party at mtgman’s, and I met him and a few new ones, as well as seeing several of my by now old acquaintance from the Big D. But I was restrained from enjoying it because I was preoccupied by the thought that, “I’m stuck in Dallas, and I can’t drive a car!”

I decided to head back to Houston as early as possible to take advantage of the lightest traffic.

30 miles out was my first stop because, oh, I thought maybe I wanted a cup of coffee (and maybe that police cruiser didn’t notice my car trying to mate with his). The next 20 or so miles of grooved pavement didn’t pick things up any.

Rest stop after rest stop, I examine the situation. I wonder if perhaps I’ve an eardrum gone blooey, and can’t steer worth a damn because of that. How many times I checked my hands for stability I couldn’t begin to say. Nothing easily spotted.

Crestfallen Ringo. “It’s back! And insidious!” Stuck with a demon 200 miles from home. Nothing to do but try it in bits and pieces. The trip (~250 miles - normally 3.5-4 hours) takes all day. But by the end, worn out, I am convinced it’s the car not me.

Turns out I’m right. The steering gearbox had fallen away from the frame. If I had known that…, oh, well.

I’m making a Dopefest roadtrip this weekend. First one since I got my new (to me) car, and I’m really looking forward to it.

You go, Dragonblink!