Anyone Else Afraid to Drive?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I used to didn’t be. I actually loved it quit a bit and was decent at it. But being agoraphobic for so long (off and on for over a decade), has now reduced my driving habits to tenetive forays limited to somewhere close-by and only if necessary. Now I’m acutely aware that I have a ton of steel at my disposal and I’m terrified of hurting people with it by making a newbie mistake. I’ve lost so much knowledge about it that I used to have, that I wonder if I’ll ever get back the ability I once enjoyed effortlessly. To any normal degree anyway.

So how about y’all? Anyone else go through something similar for maybe different reasons? Surely I’m not the only white-knuckler out there.

2

I’ve had panic attacks and you say you have had agoraphobia. Well then you know you’re not really afraid to drive. You’re afraid of fear. You also know that you won’t do anything while being afraid that you wouldn’t do while you are comfortable.

Of course the problem is convincing yourself of this. This is a product of illogical thinking. Not irrational, you’re a totally rational person. You couldn’t think out such a clear reason if you were irrational.

But you ARE illogical. So you need to correct that logic.

Fear is fear and must be overcome. I had an ENORMOUS fear of flying. I gave up a lot and I mean a LOT because of it. Well I overcame that fear. OK I don’t like to fly, it’s not my favourite thing, but I can get on the plane and live through it for a few hours.

You’re gonna make a lot of choices in your life, some will be good choice and some will be bad choices, but I tell you this, you will NEVER be happy with any choice you make out of fear.

I want you to get two books. First is called Stop Running Scared by Herbert Fensterheim. It’s out of print but you can get it very cheap on Amazon. He teaches how to control fear with behaviour modification. It works, I used it to stop my panic attacks.

Basically you’ve trained yourself to react to stess with fear. Here you will learn to UNTRAIN yourself and retrain yourself to react with calm. Especially note the relaxation tape script. Use it and practice it every night, regardless of if you’re tense or not. You will get to the point where, when you get afraid, you automatically calm down.

The second book to get is How To Stop Worrying And Start Living by Dale Carnagie. It’s an oldie but goodie. He writes a very readable book and a lot of common sense ways to look at things. You probably can find that in your library.

You’ve had agoraphobia, and you said you beat it. Well you can beat this too. Others are afraid and they are no smarter than you, they are no more brave than you and they are no more frightened than you. But they did it and so can you.

Start tomorrow by calling a driving school. Tell them you need a refresher course. Then go and take it. Oh yeah I know money’s tight and you can’t afford it. And if it means you’re cutting out food you’re correct. But if you can cut out movies, and cable TV and cell phones to pay for it…DO IT.

The freedom to drive and the freedom from fear is worth it. Once you take the course and the instructor shows you that you are a good driver, you will know. So that’s one excuse of why you can’t out the window.

Others have been afraid and they’ve beaten it, so you can you. Every day you go a little farther. But get those books, read them and listen to what they say

Good luck

3

I also have a history of panic attacks, and for a while came to associate them with driving, as I’d had a few while driving (once got one at work and had to drive home in bumper to bumper traffic on the freeway…I did it, but it was hell).

It’s the fear of having one again while driving and unable to get out of the situation (get home or even get off the freeway) that could almost trigger an attack in itself.

Haven’t had one in a while, though.

I learned to drive late in life and a few yrs afterwards I drove across country on some “scary” roads (high altitude, curving, steep drop-offs, one of them, in Colorado, the highest road in the nation AND during a blinding snowstorm! white knuckles? Try white ARMS! :eek::p)

4

Knowing you are a good driver is useful, but it’s not the cure by any means. It’s only one step in the journey. And a pretty advanced step at that, since you will be exposing yourself to all the same things you are afraid of.

I mean, you were doing good by trying to get her to associate stress with feeling calm, but then you jumped straight to a fear causing situation. Maybe faithfool is at the stage where that level of exposure will not cause a chain reaction of fear. But maybe it would be like throwing a child into water to try to teach them to swim. Flooding is never the answer–it just reinforces fear.

I should know–that’s what they did to me, and part of why I’m an agoraphobic. If you are planing on dealing with your agoraphobia, get a real therapist who can help you tailor the plan to your situation.

If you can get out of the house and get to a therapist who can help you along the journey (unlike I), you are very lucky individual indeed. And, while I hate to scare you, agoraphobia tends to get worse if not treated.

5

Afraid to drive?

I was getting there until I finally got around to getting my eyes checked. Having said that, I don’t enjoy mundane day-to-day driving tasks very much.

6

No.

7

Well, you know my history of panic and agoraphobia. It can manifest itself in so many ways. I came close to having a fear of driving. I was becoming more and more nervous to get behind the wheel, but due to having to drive my kid to school that wasn’t an option. My fear became more of going into buildings. I have driven places and been too afraid to get out of the car and go in.

I hope you can find some relief and get back into a good routine. I do think taking driving lessons might be a good first step.

Hugs!

8

I know several people (all of them women but I have no idea if that is relevant) who never drive. Somehow between friends and Significant Others they get around.

For many years after I got my license I rarely ever drove. I had friends with cars in High School and did not need one in college. It wasn’t until I got out of college that I started to drive regularly.

9

Yes, but not for any of the reasons here. I’m an epileptic, and even though I’ve been seizure free for a year*, I still don’t want to risk having one while driving. (Which, I probably would, with my luck. ;)) That and it’s just cheaper to take the bus. (Less hassle with insurance and paying for gas which is outrageous these days).

I inherited it from my grandfather, and considering all the accidents he was in, I figure it’s better not to take the chance.

*As of October 3rd. Not even a focal. Yay!!! :smiley:

10

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful responses. I sure will take them all to heart. Now in order…

Markxxx: I’m seeking out those books today and as of last night (when I first read your post), I spoke to my husband about taking a refresher driving course. Like me, he thinks that’s a brilliant idea. So that’s another thing on the list to check out ASAP. Thank you so much for that. Hopefully it will be the first step in getting me back happily on the road.

InterestedObserver: I can’t imagine learning to drive late in life, so you must be a really strong person to overcome how difficult that would be. Good on you and thanks for sharing. If you can do it, maybe I can too.

BigT: Yes, I’ve pretty much beat my agoraphobia completely. I work now and am actually being somewhat social when I can. Hopefully you’ll get there too. It is a hard road to climb, but well worth the pain and agony if you can do it. Right now I do have a therapist and we’ve done plenty of cognitive behavioral therapy, but with this it’s just seemed that no matter how much I do it, it doesn’t get any better. Maybe though it’ll all change with some more hard work. < crosses fingers>

Spectre of Pithecanthropus: Wow. That was great that all it took was getting your eyes checked. Wish it was the same for me, but as of this moment, I’m still pretty new into my recent prescription.

Rhiannon8404: Hey you! Thanks for checking in. I hear what you’re saying about buildings. I’ve been there some myself. I’ll be thinking of you while I try to fight through this and sending positive thoughts your way that you’ll get to the otherside of your troubles too. Perhaps we just have to give ourselves more time.

Quimby: That’s what I’m doing now. Unless it’s absolutely necessary, my husband pretty much drives me where ever I need to go. And I hate that. I won’t to be totally independent again.

Guinastasia: Oh Guin, I’m sorrry you have to go through that. I imagine that’s really tough on you. But I am glad to know that you’ve got a system in place to be able to get around just the same. For me, the small town I live in doesn’t have cheap enough transportation if I don’t beat this problem or if I was on my own again. So I gotta trample it down now. :slight_smile:

Thanks again guys. As usual, y’all rock.

11

I’m scared to drive in many places. I live in a pretty rural place and drive every day. Traffic and interstates make me queasy, because I have no practice.

12

Yeah. It’s not that I can’t drive places, because I can, but I’d rather travel almost any other way if there’s a choice. And driving in big cities or on major highways turns me into a shaking wreck in nothing flat. Luckily, I live in the middle of nowhere, and when I visit places that aren’t in the middle of nowhere, there is usually public transportation available.

Strangely enough, I don’t have any problem riding in cars driven by other people – I just assume the other driver knows what they’re doing, even if I don’t have the slightest rational evidence that they do. It’s being the one in control that terrifies me.

13

There is no way I’d drive in Bangkok, but I have upcountry.

14

Faithful, I read your OP differently. I hear that you have had panics related to agoraphobia. I hear also that as a separate issue you have become a bit rusty at driving and, though not panicked, worry about hurting people as a result. This second issue might be perfectly reasonable for all the rest of us know.

I have an issue a bit like this second one - I know that my reaction time and concentration and various physical skills like judging speed and seeing at night and not being clumsy have all been slowly getting worse as the decades roll ever faster by me. The fender benders and near misses of my 20s were foolish, youthful indiscretion, whereas the ones in the last 10 years were because of shifting abilities. I think it is still practically safe to drive, but I try really hard not to speed or get distracted. I want to pay attention to these issues and certainly notice whether I should stop 20 or 30 years from now.

Is this more where you are? If so, there are probably some affirmative things you can do to improve it - things like you mentioned, and like choosing your next car on the basis of things like visibility and size, and like seeking out particular strategies like avoiding dangerous intersections. I have learned that my very lightweight car does not trip many left turn lane sensors at traffic light, for instance, and I avoid the ones I know about.

15

I don’t like to drive but I’m forced to do it every day. I do have anxiety and there are times when I’ve avoided driving, like on rainy days. Last year I was on a bridge during a bad storm and the car was lifted up in the splash from another car. For months after that the scene would play out in my mind with various horrible endings. Oh it’s not JUST driving, it’s being in a car at all, but especially driving.

Anyway I started Zoloft a few months after that. I was able to work through the anxiety when it was lessened, and now I’m not afraid anymore, but I don’t think I’ll ever enjoy driving like I did when I was younger.

16

I have anxiety problems and a history of panic attacks. I loathe driving. It makes me miserably tense at best. I solve this by living somewhere where minimal driving is needed and relying on my wife a car is absolutely necessary.

17

You could say I’m scared to drive - I’ve always disliked cars, everything about them has made me nervous (but not panicky) as long as I remember. They are just plain dangerous and I don’t know how so many people are so casual (or downright careless) about speeding around in gigantic hunks of metal that kill 40,000 Americans every year, and injure/maim many more. I’m not helping, am I faithfool?

I never learned to drive. I can’t afford to keep a car or pay auto insurance even if I wanted to, but I feel that I should at least know to to operate a vehicle even if I never own my own. I don’t live in a city, but I’ve managed to set up my life so I really only need a ride in someone’s car to pick up cat litter or rarely, other very heavy or large things.

As a pedestrian and cyclist, I practically take my life into my hands trying to coexist with cars and the people who drive them while not paying attention to the people around them - this just makes me more fearful of the idea of driving myself. And I know for a fact that I have no sense of direction, poor depth perception, can’t judge speed or distances worth a damn, am easily distracted, and don’t perform well under any stress. I’m sure I would be a better driver than plenty of the idiots out there, but still.

I think your situation is different than mine though. You’re having other mental issues, and you were a good driver and even enjoyed it before. It might just be a matter of calming your general fears, and slowly getting used to driving more.

18

I don’t like driving, but I’m not afraid of it.

My cousin was in a minor fenderbender when she was in her 20s. The experience scarred her so much that she never drove again and she’s in her mid-40s now. She let her license lapse and if she wanted it back she’d have to start all over with the tests. Right now her 70-something mother drives her to work and picks her up. I don’t know what’ll happen when she gets too old to drive. The bus system there is mediocre, but it would work for normal dayshifts. Cousin often works nightshifts, so she’d be in trouble.

19

This is me, especially what I bolded.
I drive short distances almost every day in my little town. In my little comfort zone, I am okay.

It’s big cities and highways that send me into a panic.
I have a terrible sense of direction, am not so great at reading maps, and highways and interstates freak me out.
I can do it if I have to, but I hate to do it.
I am glad to hear that I am not the only one.

20

I drove from the time I was 16 until in my mid-20’s with no problem. Lots of driving - probably 50 miles a day when I was commuting to school.
Then, living in NYC and Berlin, I didn’t have a car and had no need to drive. So, for probably 18 years or so, never drove.
Then I decided to move to LA. Obviously, a car was needed and I got one.

For the first few weeks I drove like an 89 year old woman…terrified, slow and full of anxiety. However, it eventually dissipated and driving became second nature again.
All I am saying is that getting back behind the wheel and driving again is odd after so many years, but eventually, like the old adage goes, it’s like riding a bike - you don’t forget and it comes back to you.