I want to see a picture of a kitty wearing this tinfoil chapeau.
[scratchy radio broadcast]
“Hello! This is OnStar”
“Hi! This is tank commander XXXX. I’ve lost my tank. Can you give me its location?”
“Yessir! We show your vehicle to be at ZZZZZZ. Can we call anyone for you?”
“Roger. Please call Gen. YYYYY and report the position.”
“yessir. I’m making that call now. Can we call anyone else for you?”
“Sure. Call my wife and tell her I’ll be home late for dinner, again. Tell her I’m OK.”
"Yessir. Help is on the way. Have a good day.[/Crackly radio communication] 
Or, alternately:
“Hello, this is OnStar.”
“Help! This is XXXX, my tank just got hit, I’m hurt!”
“All right, sir. Our computers indicate you were struck with an anti-tank round, is the fighting over?”
“No, I can hear the explosions around me!”
“Please wait, sir, while I call your platoon leader.”
Bzzzzzt … Bzzzzzzt
“Hello?”
“Hello, sir, this is YYYY from OnStar, I have a client at position ZZZZ who seems to be under enemy attack and requests assistance…”
“All right, I’ll dispatch a crew of F-16s immediately.”
“Thank you, sir.” Click “Hello, XXXX?”
“Yes?”
“I just called your platoon leader, help is on the way, do you want me to stay on the line with you?”
They’ll probably find them in last place they look.
Note to self: remember this.
Then, next time a teacher or parental-unit gets on my case for loosing a homework assignment, misplacing my palmpilot, or some other similar scenario, I can just say “At least I didn’t loose fifty freakin’ six airplanes!”
they checked the laundramat, didn’t they? I’m forever loosin stuff there.
Yeeps.
I mean, even if they go back a few years, that’s a few years’ worth of entire DoD budgets all by itself.
A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon it starts adding up to real money. But a trillion?? That’s real money to begin with.
That’s almost ten times Canada’s entire federal budget.
Man, we were so drunk.
OR
Never underestimate the power of cheese.
[aside] Those super advanced–pricey–stealthy tactical fighters will look great hauling 500 lb. bombs. Why don’t we build a new big bomber to haul them by the dozens? The B-52s are older than I am.
I wonder stuff like this too. I keep hearing how we have stuff like the Huey, Chinook, B-52, etc. are old and they aren’t being made anymore and they’re falling apart and we don’t have any replacements. Why not just pay and have some more built?
[hijack]
I’ve seen so many posts propounded the wonderful defensive qualities of tin foil hats that I want one of my own, but nobody ever reveals the most important aspect: do you put the shiny side out or in?
[/hijack]
What do you answer a thread title with? An Onion headline.
How can you lose 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers?
You double side the tin foil hat.
Shiny side in so your brain waves don’t escape to be tracked or read.
And…
Shiny side out to reflect mind control beams.
What’s a Canada?
;j <---- That’s me and my tin foil hat
I don’t know why the hell this cracked me up so much but I haven’t stopped laughing for about 10 minutes straight now.
(And I thought I was super-cool by naming my cat “Elvis”, I’ve got nothin’ on “Mr. Jack”)
All will be resolved when they lose a transport ship.
In “Chickenhawk” Robert Mason tells a story about how a chopper failed to return from a mission in Vietnam, and it was never found. Every quartermaster in the region was cheering because they now had the perfect means of balancing their books. Gosh darn if every pesky missing item of portable equipment formerly shown on their books didn’t happen to have been on that flight.
Mason reckons that when they added it up, the chopper had by some mysterious means been carrying about 100 tons of loose gear. No wonder it went down!
So next time the US loses an army transport in very deep water, don’t be surprised if it is subsequently discovered that the 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers were on board. RIP
Psst… I think I found them while traveling in Pennsylvania this past weekend. In each small town we drove through, we located mysterious organizations labeled V.F.W. Outside their meeting halls (mosques?) we identified tanks, airplanes, and cannons. Crafty devils hiding them in plain sight like that.
I am still attempting to break the encryption and determine the meaning of “V.F.W”.
Mean “001” Joe
Oooooh. I underestimated the possibilities. What if I only put the shiny side out (to defect outside rays) and add an antenna with a 9 volt battery attached to the top of it? Can I then broadcast mind control beams of my own?
Yippee! Then when I think those impatient commands at the dipshits around me (“Hey! Pick up that trash and put it in the barrel!” “You with the crying little boy! Get off the cell phone and pay attention to him!” “Move, you asshole! You don’t have to stop to check your receipt in the fucking doorway!”) they will leap into action and stop annoying me.
This is wonderful! Must rush out and buy some Reynolds Wrap – all I’ve got 'em house is the cheaper store brand, and I’m sure that’s inferior.
Maybe I’ll even spring for the heavy duty freezer variety.
Now…what do I make the antenna out of?
True story:
I remember…
shimmer, shimmer
…a woman standing in front of the White House in 1982* wearing a tinfoil hat to protect herself from the “dangerous rays governments were beaming at her head.” She was a Grade A nutjob, IMO–at the time.
But NOW I KNOW THIS! :eek: She was probably on her lunch break from the West Wing, pretending to be a homeless person.
On a slightly serious note, would tinfoil protect your head from microwaves?
[sub]Black helicopters circling… Oops. Those are dragonflies.
[/sub]
*I was a congressional intern. Not that kind.
Radio shack replacement antenna # RJ7-003R from page 152 on the 1977 catalogue.
One important thing though, you cannot extent it. That causes a cascade effect back toward the user, making one obssessed with polyester clothing. A very odd byproduct, sure, but still. So protect yourself.
For best effect, grease the 9v contacts with Crisco™
The original kind. The CIA specially formulated it for this very purpose. (Little known fact)