How clean should a kids bedroom be ?

In My Humble Opinion
41

I kept my room ‘clean’ most of the time. However my definition of clean was as long as there is room to walk and nice, neat piles, and I knew where everything is, it’s clean.

My parents’ definition was, if it’s on the floor, it’s not clean, period. My room was small, and I had a lot of junk, so I wouldn’t have the space to put everything in the closet or on the shelf.

I did keep my dirty clothes separate, and there was no food allowed anywhere except the kitchen, so basically, I did a major room-cleaning once or twice a year, and we were all happy.

42

My Dad was a Regimental Sergeant Major, and me and my brother used to have to stand to attention by our beds and salute while he did “Room Inspection”.

As you can imagine, this turned me into kind of a neat freak; however, as a result of this I generally allow my two boys to make as much mess in their bedrooms as they like, so long as: a) they don’t let it spill out onto the landing; and b)when they are bathed and ready for bed, they clear up the worst of it (I usually stick on some loud music and turn it into a Tidying Party!).

43

Going through this thread again this morning, I was stricken by the repeated use of the term "pick your battles."

Now, I know the word “battle” is probably being used somewhat hyperbolically (is that a word?). But is seems to me as tho there is an undercurrent suggesting that it is reasonable or understandable that some significant strife underlies family/household issues such as this.

Maybe I’m just plain lucky. Or oblivious to the reality around me.

But in our household we don’t have “battles” - or even serious disagreements - over matters such as this. Maybe my kids are tremendously repressed. And maybe they will eventually rebel against my “iron rule” by becoming drug addict hooker axe murderers. But I doubt it.

When it comes to certain household rules, my wife and I make them. Some are group decisions, with the kids having significant and even controlling vinput, but not all. We always welcome reasonable arguments to the contrary, and have often been convinced to change our initial positions. And we will always explain the basis for our positions. But we WILL NEVER respond favorably to our kids whining, complaining, defiance, etc. And it has been like this since our kids were very small. (It has to be a total BITCH growing up with 2 lawyers for parents.;))

And there is a category of rules that are simply the way my wife and I want things done. They have a whole life ahead of them, when they are on their own and paying their way, they can do things however the hell they want. But until then …

In our house, with very limited exceptions (such as popcorn during a movie) kids eat food in the kitchen and dining rooms. And somehow the kids manage to survive, getting sufficient nourishment, despite such draconian restrictions.

monica - Rhum definitely has your number. Save your post and read it in a few years and get back to us.

You know what - there are kids who actually avoid drinking, drugs, cigs, and sex AND still manage to pick up after themselves. Imagine that! Who would have thought it possible?!

Oh yeah - yesterday my 13 year old had a group of friends over to burn their school papers in our backyard firepit. And today my 15 year old is having a group over to hang out because - in my daughter’s and her friends’ words - our house is so “fun” and her parents are so “cool.”

Ah - what do they know?!

44

I have found that parents who forced their kids to have an exacting, precise, nothing-ever- left- on -the -floor-perfect room 8 out of 10 times ended up being slobs in life as a form of rebellion against their parents.

And kids who were complete and total slobs who rebelled against their parents, once they moved out on their own, discovered that no one was nagging them anymore and damn, this place is a disaster…why can’t I find anything. End up cleaning up on their own. Because there is no fun in being a slob anymore.

Growing up in a house that had a museum living room and dining room that were never used except for holidays, I was allowed within reason (no food, no loud music, no boys) to have a messy bedroom, I remember just how important my room was in school. It was my haven. A place where I could just be me ( air guitar, singing into my brush) and now I am a partial slob and so is my husband. Together, we are 3/4 slob, 1/4 neat.

We are very relaxed and welcome anyone over, just push a pile of papers over, don’t trip on the toys and try not to step on the dog splayed at the most inconvenient spot on the floor.

His sister is Martha Stewart Jr. Everything is perfect, like just out of Pottery Barn/Martha Stewart. We have never seen it look otherwise and it use to make me feel like a complete schmoe for not taking better care of my house. Then I realized that that is pretty much all she does. Get home from work and clean, organize and put away things. ( I have thought for years that she has OCD and ADHD, it’s like there is a motor in her and she cannot stop.) and it is just plain sad that she can’t sit still and enjoy nothing. (Even with 3 kids, her place is pin neat. It is very frightening.)

45

I’m afraid something will have to go horribly wrong and I’ll have to have children to understand why this is such a sticking point with parents.

When I was a kid, my job was not just to keep my room clean, but the entire damn house and do all my own laundry (this started when I was 11 and moved in with dad and stepmonster). To this day, I cannot understand why I was required to do the chores in exactly the way my stepmonster wanted them done. As long as I did the dishes – why did I have to use her methods?

My dad would come home from work and you could follow the trail of Dad’s droppings to find him. Near the back door, you’d find his keys, tossed on a table or counter. On the kitchen counter, you’d find breadcrumbs, an open loaf of bread and a jelly-smeared knife where he made a quick sandwich. In the dining room, you’d find a pile of opened mail and his shoes under the table. In the bathroom, you’d find his pants and belt and the contents of his pants pockets. Finally, you’d find my actual dad, crashed out in his room, taking a little post-work catnap.

Yet, it was my job to pick up after him and keep my room surgically sterile at all times. :rolleyes: Once, when I was about 16 and really tired of being yelled at for stupid, trivial infractions, I went around the house and put a postie note on everything that was out of place and did not belong to me. There were yellow posties all over the house and not one thing of mine was where it shouldn’t be. He got mad, but he finally picked up his own mess… that day.

I simply don’t understand the “my house – my standard of clean” mentality. I guess if I have kids someday, it will become strikingly clear but until then… I remain mystified as to what the big freaking deal really is.

46

My mother was–and still is–obsessive about keeping the house clean. Every weekend we’d have to clean our rooms from top to bottom, and complete a list of chores around the house like cleaning our bathroom, the shower, the kitchen cabinets and pantry, sweeping and mopping the floor, and swabbing the deck (picking up the dog shit from the lanai and scrubbing it down with water). She’d often run her finger along bookshelves and inside cabinets to check if we’d done a proper job. As a child, my room was pretty much immaculate. I made my bed every morning, picked my shit off the floor (if it ever got a chance to get to the floor), dusted on a regular basis, and made sure my clothes were clean, folded, and ironed.

Today, things are a little different. To use Shirley’s formula, I’m probably about 1/2 slob and 1/2 neat. I often let things like the dishes go a few days (but now that summer’s approaching I do them every day because I don’t like wet food rotting in the sink; the same goes for taking out the trash and recycling), vacuum on the weekend, Swiffer the floor on the weekend, do laundry every couple days, barely iron (I try to maintain a wardrobe that calls for little or no ironing), and dust once a week. I’m a slob in that I don’t maintain on a day-to-day basis, but when I clean I know how to clean, which I think is probably the best thing to come out of my mother assigning us chores and making sure we kept clean quarters.