Or, does it offend everyone, but blacks tend to be the most vocal about it?
I almost never hear any white people complain about this.
My sister’s boyfriend is a black man. He claims he can tell if a white person is racist or if a black person is “sell out” - they won’t speak to him. I know several other blacks who say similar things. I can remember a few catfights between some black girls when I was in elementary school. The aggressors claimed that other girls didn’t speak to them because they thought they were “too cute” or “stuck up”.
Oh yeah, when I say “speak” in this thread, I mean saying “hi” and maybe having some small talk…with people they know, but not well, such as neighbors.
IMO opinion, I don’t think this always have to do with snobbery or racism. I think it might be a cultural and/or an individual difference. I noticed that there is an unspoken rule that black folks should speak to each other, even if they are strangers. I don’t think white people have this unspoken rule. As for individuals, I think some people are just passive. They always wait for people to speak to them first.
Check. Also, as a girl who used to be painfully, socially-crippling shy, I still have my bouts of The Shyness From Hell for no apparent reason. Which means sometimes I just don’t…talk much. Heh. It never has anything to do with race, though.
It has finally dawned on me that black folks, especially ladies around my age, appreciate being greeted. Most will answer quite warmly, even to perfect strangers. I get the feeling that it’s a “respect” issue - just a passing smile doesn’t quite convey the dignity of a spoken “good morning, how are you”. Trust me, from someone who is painfully shy, it gets easier with practice. I greet everybody I meet now. I’ve met some of the most interesting folks, too.
But no, to answer the O.P., I really don’t know why.
My theory: some feel that if you don’t answer, they think you’re afraid of them, that you buy into the “every black person is a potential mugger or rapist” stereotype. If you’ve noticed this tendency especially in men, this might be an answer.
Without directly addressing the OP, I can say that few things piss me off worse than when I walk past someone, smile, nod, maybe say “hi”, or “how’re you?” and they just stare (sometimes glare) at me and keep walking or look away. The worst is when they stare at you for a couple seconds so you know they heard you and then they turn around and walk away.
It is definitely a cultural thing. If you’ve spent some time in the smaller Southern towns, you’ll notice this a lot more with whites and blacks but especially black people. When you pass someone one the street, you’ll generally have a little mini-conversation, usually about the weather or something in the news. A lot of the Southern culture remains in the African American culture even if generations removed from the South.
I really noticed this when I was travelling through Louisiana and East Texas with a client who happened to be a black man. He was a city guy like me and when we were in Dallas he didn’t “speak” any more than I did. When we were in Longmont, TX and Shreveport, LA, he made a point to make conversation with people we passed when we were in public.
I agree that it may be a Southern culture thing. Down here (Mississippi, Tennessee) we have a lot of mini-conversations with total strangers. When I go up north to visit relatives and I speak to a stranger (like someone in line with me at the mini-mart), they look at me like I’m deranged. I also walk into a lot of doors because I forget that people up north aren’t going to hold the door for me.
I’m sure they were thinking, “Do I know her? I better wave back while I try to remember…”
At my job in a large hospital in the city of Chicago, in my experience if someone strikes up a random conversation with me in the halls/elevator/wherever, it’s almost always a black person. It catches me way off balance when I’m absorbed in thought and suddenly someone I don’t know is talking with me (and not asking for directions), but I try to regain my composure and carry on a conversation. It seems like a different expectation of what being polite involves.
Yeah, people do sometimes ignore each other in elevators, but if the other person speaks it would be rude as hell to not respond. I had to bend around a lady to push the button for my floor the other day. She apologized for being occupied with admiring a baby in a stroller.
But lest this become a love fest of how polite we are and rude folks up there are, back to the OP.
Is the general statement that Black folks become angry if White folks don’t speak to them, and they shouldn’t?
It’s amazing how much a little courtesy can come back to you. Only mildly related to the OP, I love this anecdote so much I’m going to post it here yet again.
I was going to a fast food joint, and as I approached the door, two women were approaching from the other side. (I’m up north, and they were black, so it’s almost on-topic.)
I opened the door pretty wide, motioned to them and said “after you.” They smiled and thanked me. After we were all in the place and approaching the counter, they turned to me and said “You first. You shouldn’t be penalized for being nice.”
I thanked them, and a pleasant anecdote was had by all. Don’t underestimate the power of being nice and courteous.
Do you have a particularly off-putting visage? I can’t think of anywhere except supermarkets with automatic doors where people don’t hold doors in NE Ohio or SE Michigan.
I tend to daydream a lot. What can I say? Reality bores me. I don’t always realize right away if someone I don’t know says hi to me. I usually snap to and go Huuaaahh? You say something? And if they’re just walking by, then I’m left talking to empty air leaving me to wonder, “Did they think I was rude because I didn’t immediately respond and did those people across the street think I was crazy for talking to myself?” Oh well.
All right. If the first person I see waving at or nodding to me turns out, in fact, to be addressing some one behind me, then I will not return waves/nods etc. for the rest of the day, out of shame and for fear of it happening again. Unless I absolutely, positively, know the person is directing his/her attention at ME.
So if I ignored you, that was why. Sorry.
(I don’t see terribly well and possibly because of that, or maybe because I’m missing some crucial piece of my brain, I don’t have great powers of recognition unless I know someone very, very well. I’m talking about street distance–up close is no problem. So often if it looks like people are waving at me I wave b ack because I might know them…and even if I don’t, if I AM the one they’re waving at I would wave back anyway. But if they were actually waving at someone else…eh. too much explaining.)
Now, if someone ignores ME, then it pisses me off. But how am I supposed to be vocal about it? They already IGNORED me. I would have to be really vocal. (Damn them anyway. I’m taking them off my xmas card list, whoever they were. Ooh I’m getting mad just thinking about it.)
Does this really have anything to do with what race people are? I don’t think there is Just One Big Black Culture where everybody does the same thing.
Man, I can’t tell you how much this is true. I just recently moved back to a small town myself. I’ve truely forgoten how things are down here.
The other day I was at Walmart. The place was crowded. I was at the check out line patiently waiting my turn. I only had a couple of items with me. You can only imagine my amazement when the couple in front of me allowed me to go AHEAD of them!!
Secondly, I was up at this Bar and Grill type place whatching the game while having a couple of beers. The placce was pretty much empty except for me and a threesome sitting at the table adjacent from me. Can you believe I wasn’t sitting there for more than ten minutes before they realized I was there alone and asked me to come join them?!?!
Actually, when I say they “asked” me, that would be somewhat of a misnomer. Their exact words were: “HEY MAN!! What’r you doing sitting by yourself? Why don’t you come over here and join us?”
I tell ya’. I had to take a couple of glances around the room because I just couldn’t wrap my mind around that they were actually talking to me!
I don’t know I’ve seen many white people get offended if you ignore them, people prob take it more personal if they start a conversation with you and you shrug them off.That is more blatant and in your face.
