I would never ask someone what they make, and if they ask me, which they never have, I would just evade by saying, “I get by”, or “it’s competitive with they type of work I do”.
I tend not to ask people what they do, but that might be a result of the fact that most people I meet, I know what they do because it’s in a business context. I don’t think it’s an offensive question, though, and don’t mind answering if asked.
I agree with everyone else that has said salaries are very guarded. I’ve never heard what my parents (or step-parents) make. I have an idea that this one makes more than that one, just because of what they do, but I’m terrible at estimates. I would need $15k margin of error either way to even be close.
I have the feeling that it’s impolite to talk about most things that have to do with money. I remember my sister getting lectured (she was 13 at the time) when she asked the selling price my grandma was looking for on her house.
Wages are different from salary though, if it isn’t a career. I don’t have any problem saying what I make where I work, people don’t mind asking, and people are/seem willing to share when they are asked the same thing. As someone said earlier, it isn’t a big deal in college. Most everyone is looking where they can get a good paying job. In my experience grades are probably the salary equivalent when in college. You can get an idea of who knows what they’re doing by class discussion, who shows up, who is awake, but it’s still only a guess.
I was going to get all snippy, but I guess I’ll just say sorry, you misread me.
I didnt display the resolve you have in refusing to have you ire rise anddid get all snippy . So I’m sorry too.
Another Midwesterner here.
I have never been directly asked about my salary since high school. I would be appalled if someone asked me how much I make.
On the rare occasions when I’ve had to discuss my salary, it’s been done obliquely (“It’s competitve for my field,” etc.). The only times I’ve talked about it directly has been with my boss, and that’s only when the subject of raises, promotions, etc. has come up.
To ask “what do you do?” is not offensive at all. Everybody I know works eight hours a day. To find out what they do during those eight hours is a good way to get to know someone, IMHO.
On the subject of asking what people do for a living. In college I was really taken aback by how often people I just met, especially fraternity and sorority types, would ask what my parents did for a living. This was often right after asking where I was from, and before what my major was. This was at best habit, at worst a blatant effort at stereotyping/ demographic profiling. Most interesting college students would probably rather base a conversation on something other than their parents’ occupation.
So there definitely is an element of social hierarchy to asking what people/ their parents do, and where they live, in my experience. OTOH, as an adult I don’t take any offense at being asked what I do. People in my field make from $20K to millions of dollars a year, so it doesn’t really give much to go on.
Since I work in a factory, and big 3 contract negotiations are considered news around here, anyone who reads our local newspaper knows precisely what my hourly rate is. Not too difficult to figure out what I’m pulling down a year from that, if anyone felt the need to.
In fact, many in my social circle tend to get very peeved about what we factory rats make, and how it relates to their own salaries. The usual thinking being “I went to school for X years, interned for Y, and they make more than I do?!”
I don’t think I’ve ever outright asked anyone, but upon reading this I pondered, and realized I know pretty much what all of my close friends/family make. I guess we never grew out of the mindset where that was appropriate to share.
The real estate privacy puzzles me, I’ve never known that to be closely guarded personal information. I freely discuss what I paid for my home and what houses are selling for in whichever neighborhoods, etc.
Although, I did find myself explaining to my darling son recently that Mom’s assets or lack thereof aren’t any of his business. I’ll grant him the right to ask only the most vague questions, in case the interest is motivated by fears that we aren’t doing well or something, but for whatever reason he’d been trying to nail down an actual dollar amount on my savings, debts and investments and I had to firmly educate him about how inappropriate that was.
Southerner checking in. It would be considered extremely rude to flat-out ask someone’s salary. As a general rule, I won’t discuss sex, religion, or money with acquaintances or co-workers; and even among good friends, I’m much more likely to discuss sex or religion than salaries.
Texas here. When working at my first few minimum wage or near it jobs, it wasn’t too tightly held information, but it would still be rare to be asked.
Later, I worked as a reactor operator in a chemical plant. There the pay scale was published, but there were a few different pay grades you could be in for different jobs. Nobody asked about that.
My present employer forbids discussing compensation, and rightly so, I believe.
Socially, I’ve only discussed it with close personal friends, SOs and family. It’s definitely considered rude to ask in these parts.
Why I ask that question with every person I work with. Of course its a matter of my business to know so I can help them, help themselves. I’m in financial services.
A situation a little bit different than “social” SunTzu2U. My CPA doesn’t have to ask - he’s got the books.
I’ve never had a problem telling people what I make – as long as I think there’s a damn good reason for them to know in the first place. My usual response is “Why do you want to know?” Saying “just curious” doesn’t cut it for me. The last time I told someone how much I made was my brother-in-law who was looking to get into my field and was curious about salary ranges.
I’ve asked a few people in my lifetime when I thought it was pertinent that I know such information. Other than that I see no logical reason to ask someone that question.
I might also point out that about half my career was in the military where a payscale was published every year so you knew almost down to the penny what everyone was making. That was one of many things I enjoyed about the military.
Western Washington checking in. Asking someone’s salary is highly rude. What they do for a living, OTOH, is a pretty standard ice-breaker and is likely to be one of the first three or so questions asked by anyone meeting you for the first time in a social setting, date or no. (And may be the very first one asked.)
Do people draw correlations? Sure. But sometimes they do so at their peril. I’m a lawyer, but I’m a government employee, so if anyone thinks I’m pulling down the big bucks, they’re wrong. In fact, my salary’s posted on the internet (somewhere, I’ve never bothered to find it) and is public information since I’m a public employee. So anyone who really wanted to know could find out. By the same token, I could find out the salary of all of my coworkers if I cared, but even that seems an invasion of their privacy because it’s none of my business.
When looking for work, I have asked generally what the salary range is, asking this of people who work in the field. By explaining that I’m considering an offer and by asking for a range, as opposed to a figure, I hope to convey that I’m not actually asking what their personal salary is because – again – mondo rude.
So to say that Americans don’t have a problem with this – well, I’ve been an American all my life and that has never been my experience. The career thing, yes; actual dollars, no.
The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics has all sorts of data on wages, earnings, and benefits by occupation (700 of them!), region, and educational attainment.
I’ve been asked how much I make by two people. My mom and one guy I was on a date with. It’s acceptable for my mom to ask, it’s not acceptable for someone in a dating situation to ask.
Asking what kind of work someone does, on the other hand, is just a social ice breaker, I think.
I wonder though, what is it that makes it rude to ask about money?
Why does it makes us so uncomfortable?
Why do we feel we should keep it a secret. Telling someone doen’st increase the amount. It doesn’t descrease the amount.
Or, is it because we feel that now we’ve opened ourselves up to scrutiny. People with wonder, “Oh they live in that house in that town with those cars with that salary. How are they doing that?”
I don’t have a problem talking about. It’s just money.
Let’s leave it as “a faraway land”
It was one fellow, so it would be incorrect to make assumptions about a whole nation – he did state that such questions were quite acceptable back home, but maybe it’s only guys in his town that ask such probing questions.
I suppose its more due to custom or acquired manners.
I hope you don't take that too far though ... next you will be asking for people's weight. Why have a problem about it ? It's just fat.
I suppose giving away numbers allows people to classify you as rich, middle or poor... badly payed or not... top professional or not. Loser or Winner. So its best kept personal.When I was getting out of the military, there were several others who did the same type of work leaving about the same time. We compared offers and salary ranges because we really didn’t know what we were worth.
I don’t think it’s a taboo subject, though. I think of it as crude.
People do ask, though. But as you’re financial situation in life gets better, fewer people do it. Not sure what the cut off is, though, but it’s there. In my experience, people that make less money are more willing to compare wages or salaries.
I think the divide is not geographical but age: I just graduated from college. My friends are getting jobs (more school for me) and it is VERY common for them to talk about their job offers in blatent terms, including salary. Sometimes bragging, sometimes complaining, sometimes simply matter of fact, or justification. Also, it is common for others to ask about their new salary if they hadn’t mentioned it. Obviously you don’t do this to strangers, but people you may not intimately know. I imagine as we get more comfortable with the idea of a career, it won’t be as interesting or common a topic. But for now, I know how much all of my friends make, and their SOs.