Frylock, for the record, I feel exactly the same as you.
If I had to trim back my personal allowance (of either time or money – in fact, time might be the big one right now), I would be extremely grouchy. I mean, I’d do it. And it would help if I knew it was a temporary situation. But it would be hard for me. And I think that’s okay! I salute your courage in admitting your selfishness
(That being said, I don’t think kids need 30-people birthday parties and lots of expensive classes. Maybe one expensive class per kid if it’s teaching her something. But my kid wouldn’t even like having 30 kids at her party.)
If you want to buy a house, then the standard by which you should judging discretionary spending is, is it more or less necessary than moving towards that goal.
This one may be more necessary than you think. Entertainment and kids’ activities are relatively late to the party, but a little walking-around money for each family member has been usual since ancient Rome.
I have seen it prescribed in 19th C. household management books as important for a wife to have, and in Japan, where women have total control of household finances, even the most domineering wife will give her husband some cash for beer and cigarettes.
You may be able to trim the amount, but a little something ought to be allocated.
At the end of the day, you’ve gotta be realistic about this shit. Either increase your income or decrease your outgo. If you’re not willing to reduce your discretionary spending–even just a little, for the sake of your family–that’s pretty selfish. But the solution is ultimately between you and your wife, what we think doesn’t make a difference.
Maybe cut your disco category by third or in half, and resolve to make up the difference by picking up extra shifts, asking your boss for a raise, applying for a better job, panhandling on the corner, etc. And put any extra straight into savings.
I’ve never understood this “I’ve got to have my meeeee money!” mentality.
Doesn’t having savings and retirement and being out of debt count as treating yourself? Being able to sleep at night because I know I’m set for the future sounds a lot more fun than having a new laptop.
But, I don’t have kids or a significant other, so I don’t really have anyone to be jealous of for using my money.
I don’t even know how it’s possible to coherently disagree with that. Let’s start a thread. I don’t want to presume, so I won’t start it myself but I’d be interested in hearing more from you in a separate thread.
You would be crazy to downgrade your health insurance to save a piddling $100 per month. If I’m reading it right, you’ve got 4 kids: 2 rather young and 2 involved in sports. Injuries and illness need to be part of your planning. One broken leg from a stupid, accidental trip and fall will make you wish you still had the good insurance.
If the allowances are such a big deal to you, why not make them proportional to your incomes?
On re-read: dude, you are seriously considering putting your kids on poverty rations (that is what you mean by beans and rice, yes?) twice a week in order to keep your play money?
Beans + rice + tortillas + cheese = simple, delicious, *healthy *quesadillas, dude. There’s nothing wrong with limiting your grocery budget. A few meatless nights a week would save a **lot **for a family of 4+.
Sorry, I took “beans and rice” to mean a pot of beans and a pot of rice. Life sustaining, and two nights a week won’t lead to malnutrition, but not exactly what the AAP recommends for growing kids. Meatless isn’t the problem, there’s protein in the beans. Nearly vegetableless is what I was getting at. Also, “Hey kids, your dinner budget is less impotant than dad’s laptop fund!” is an… interesting conversation starter.
I haven’t re-read the OP but from memory it seems to me that no such exchange was proposed. The budget cuts were discussed as a package deal in that post.
