Shopping: Things you Want vs. Things You Need

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m a spendy person by nature, but after a rough start in my early 20s I have made significant progress on learning to manage money. I saved $14,000 in the last year toward adoption fees! I have been trying to take next steps toward saving even more money, because there is always something to put away for (impending children, for example.) We’d like to pay off our ridiculous quantities of student loans. And my husband’s income is highly variable, the difference in income could be as much as $2,000 a month and that fact bit me in the ass this month when he overspent on diploma frames for his office and we got hit with a $500 electric bill at the same time (long story.) Now that Sr. Weasel is fully licensed, his income should go up, but I would prefer to continue living off the old income and bank the rest.

But I’m quite accustomed to picking up little things here and there if I want them. I didn’t think twice about getting a new travel case for my new laptop and charging it to professional category. Since I’m the queen of Amazon purchases, I’ve implemented a new system wherein I put everything I want on a 30 day wishlist… that is, I only get it if I still want it after 30 days… unless it’s something we need.

But there’s the rub. My sense of ‘‘wants’’ vs. ‘‘needs’’ is somewhat warped. I grew up fairly poor with one parent who constantly ran up credit card bills while the other parent constantly ran damage control… but I’m not poor any more. To use a very minor example, my husband’s been asking for a detachable key ring for at least a couple of months now, to separate out his work keys. I finally remembered to get him one. It was $7 for pack of four, NBD at all, but was it a need?

Likewise, I own a total of three bras, very expensive high-impact sports bras (which I do need for the sake of my back.) Three bras total worked fine for me until I started working out every day. My impulse was to order more bras otherwise I’m stuck doing laundry every day. Is that a need?

It seems like a such a nebulous concept to me. I think people would answer differently depending on their means. I just ordered new dishrags we ‘‘needed’’ since our old ones fell apart. But I know people with very little money who would just tear up an old towel or something.

What is your personal definition of ‘‘want’’ vs. ‘‘need’’ and how to do you determine which category it fits into?

How have you successfully reduced your spending?

Since we’re on that subject, I have to pitch my favorite budgeting program, and the reason I’m not homeless: You Need a Budget. I’ve been using it for years and it is so helpful for people like me who do not grasp money management intuitively.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

2

I’ll stick with this one because you gave the most information. It’s still going to be completely subjective.

What you have to assess is whether doing laundry every day is a minor thing or a major thing. For me, doing laundry every day would be a major thing, so I would either buy more bras, or I’d stop working out every day. The former seems preferable to the latter.

You could be more analytical about it and compare the time you spend on laundry to what your time is worth, but I wouldn’t have to go that in depth to simply know what am I likely to be willing to do long-term? It ain’t daily laundry.

When I first started reading, I was going to suggest the waiting period. It sounds like you already do that. I don’t tend to have a spending problem (okay, I have the opposite problem where I don’t like to spend money sometimes even when it makes sense), I think because I’m usually fairly good at assessing my own motivations. Why do I want to buy this item? Am I just kind of bored? Is it flashy and shiny? Do I have unreasonable expectations? Have I bought similar things and been disappointed? How much is it actually worth to me? If I had to go out right now and shop for it, how enthused would I be about solving whatever problem I have?

All of those things might be things you can mull over to get at your own motivation.

Or you can think about it for a while, put it on the list, wait a bit, then go to random.org and see what your reaction is to the answer it gives you!

3

Funny you should mention this, as I have been brought up short by wondering where my money goes?! I mean, I have savings and I am able to pay off my credit card bill each month, but I make a good amount of money and I should be able to give away more of it. I have never matured enough to keep track of where it goes and how much is want vs. need.

I figure even if I pay all my true necessities (rent, gasoline, food, toiletries, car repairs, a basic set of donations), I would still have $20 a day for anything else even if I upped my donations. That seems like a lot! But I spend more than that and have no idea where it goes. Well, I have some idea – mostly takeout food because I don’t cook and I get bored with what I buy for groceries. But I have this idea that I could start rating things using a $20 a day – is that pair of shoes worth “four days”?

Part of it is because I don’t have a family and it’s just me, and I have a safety net of savings, so I guess I don’t feel an obligation to be careful. But I feel a desire to give away more, and that means seeing where my money goes so I know how to cut back, give away more, and still break even.

4

I think it is highly subjective. One phrase that came to mind as I read your post was “time is money”. Some items can save you a lot of time. If you paid yourself your average hourly wage relative to the time saved with a purchased item, how does that compare to the cost of the item? That question doesn’t work for every situation, but I find it is a useful starting point.

5

I mean, that’s basically how we decided to get a house-cleaner. Not a need by any means, but my time does have value, and it probably saves me eight hours a week to have someone come in twice a month and do the surface cleaning/bathrooms/vaccuming, etc. I have ADD and that stuff is like pulling teeth for me; I get overwhelmed so easily. With a regular housecleaning, I have no choice but to completely declutter the house once every two weeks. Just based on wages it’s a value, but when you factor in the reduced stress for both of us (my husband is a neat freak and I am so not) it becomes an obvious good choice.

On the other hand, I recently tried canning for the first time, and quickly deduced it’s not worth my time or money.

I think where I struggle more is material objects. I’m all the time inventing needs I probably don’t really have. My 30 day list helps because I get the entertainment of shopping without the attached price tag. I can pick out a bunch of shit I want and then delete it from the list two weeks later. Some weird shit ends up on that list. I recently deleted a key hook for our foyer wall. I’m not sure why I thought that was so critical. Obviously I was influenced by the fact it was an octopus*, but still.

*I confess I’m guilty of randomly searching by keywords ‘‘snail,’’ ‘‘octopus’’ or ‘‘squid’’ sometimes to see what I can find. It’s just who I am in my soul. At one point I had an actual budget category for cephalopod-themed objects.

6

I find that I can easily determine wants vs. needs – or at least necessary purchases vs. unnecessary ones – based on the specific amount I have budgeted. If I’m willing to make the purchase, even though that means I won’t be able to buy hairspray, for instance, or replace my watch battery, or have something dry cleaned, then I know that it’s important enough to me. I used to buy a lot of jewelry, but when I put myself on a budget, and had to decide whether I wanted to have more jewelry, or other things like clothes and shoes, my jewelry shopping dropped drastically. I like shiny baubles, but not enough to give up other things I want. I also started going much cheaper with a lot of household goods that aren’t very important to me. I now buy the cheapest toothpaste, paper towels and shower cleaner at Big Lots! because I’m not going to waste money on them. On the other hand, I like good secure plastic bags with a zipper lock that I can reuse hundreds of times, and I’m willing to pay more for them.

The key to this system is that all savings are budgeted from the beginning and disappear from your paycheck before you receive it. The budget you get for the month is what you have, and that’s where prioritizing your purchases comes in. Went for the shiny bauble? Too bad, guess you won’t be taking in that blouse to be dry cleaned until next month. Currently I have an outrageous mop of hair, but I have other things scheduled for my money, so the haircut is waiting until August.

7

I think this is a good way to look at it.

If you think in terms of “If I buy Shiny Thing A, then I’ll have Shiny Thing A, whereas if I don’t buy Shiny Thing A, then I won’t have Shiny Thing A,” then buying Shiny Thing A obviously looks more attractive. But if you think in terms of “If I buy Shiny Thing A, then I won’t be able to afford Shiny Thing B, whereas if I don’t buy Shiny Thing A, then I can have Shiny Thing B instead, or maybe Shiny Thing C if that’s what I’d prefer,” it helps you to figure out just how much having Shiny Thing A would mean to you.

8

I think that’s a really effective approach, and I’m generally pretty good at sticking to my budget, but in a sense, particularly for those with extra cash flow, that budgeted amount can be pretty arbitrary. I budget $100/month for ‘‘household goods’’ which covers everything from the aforementioned dishrags to a new blender, if I want one. But that $100 is super arbitrary. When I let those savings roll over, it allows for larger one-time purchases, like a DVD player, but I don’t really need the DVD player, it’s something I wanted and chose to save for.

I realize this may sound like splitting hairs, but it’s kind of a hard question, and it’s tough to manage your own standard of living when you actually have a choice about it. We already live below our means, but we could do better. So maybe that means $50/month for household goods. That would make it a lot harder for me because part of the point of the extra padding is to accommodate for the fact that I like to spend money. I’m worried once I diminish that padding, I’ll fail all over the place. Maybe if I start small? Like knocking $10 off each discretionary budget category? Then once I build confidence in that, I can reduce further… Just thinking out loud.

9

Easy.

My wife buys whatever she wants. I don’t even get what I need.

10

I don’t really parse between “need” and “want”. Mainly because I don’t have to, since I make good money, I don’t have major needs, and my wants tend to be on the cheap side.

I do tend to think in terms of “money well spent” and “frivolous spending”, though. I just bought a $60 Dust Buster, even though I have a perfectly functioning upright vacuum cleaner and broom. The Dust Buster takes away excuses to do housework, and this is important to me–the laziest person in the world. I’ve used it every day since I got it two weeks ago. So in my opinion, that’s money well spent. Stuff that doesn’t ever get used, that’s just sitting someone on a shelf somewhere? That’s stuff I wasted money on.

I used to be very frugal. I don’t know if it caused me to be depressed or was the result of depression; regardless, someone convinced me I was making my life needlessly hard and I lightened up. Happiness and comfort are important for physical and mental well-being, so they should be viewed as basic needs. You don’t have to spend all your income on these things, but you do need to make allowances for them. I

11

As a busty gal, there is no such thing as too many bras. Especially as a, erm, sweaty busty gal. That said, I probably spend too much money on cosmetics, given that I rarely wear any. I spent the last ten years buying “good” appliances only to have them poop out even more frequently than the Sears’ specials, and not being able to readily find a guy who knew how to fix them. In particular, vacuums are ALL shitty these days, and I have spent over $800 on a vacuum (Miele). Other than that, I shop thrift when I can, and mostly boring stores when I can’t (Penney’s, Land’s End, etc.).

12

I like that definition.

A true need would be things like the mortgage / rent, food, utilities, clothing for work, medical bills, and so on. Thos are non-negotiable - you HAVE to have them.

Frivolous would be a new pair of shoes that catch your eye, even if you will wear them frequently, but you have others in the closet that would do just as well. Or eating out too frequently when you can cook at home.

Money well spent would be stuff that gives you significant enjoyment, or makes your life easier. The key ring for your husband: he’ll get a lot of use out of it and it will make things easier on him. A couple of spare sports bras: If you’re doing laundry more often specifically to have clean bras around, and you truly are working out every day, then they make your life easier. You could do without them, but they’re something you’ll benefit from if you have them. A fancy coffee once a week as a treat can be a real pick-me-up (but daily, it goes into the frivolous category).

One budgeting / spending trick I’ve heard of, from Michelle Singletary (Washington Post columnist) is do go on a “money fast” for a few weeks. You pay all your must-have bills, and spend NOTHING on discretionary spending. No gifts. No movies. Using an existing gift card would be cheating. Groceries: make a budget, get cash, and pay cash for the groceries. Ditto gasoline and other routine expenses. No credit or debit cards. It can be shocking to see how mindless spending can add up. I haven’t done this year but I keep meaning to.

13

When contemplating the purchase of a Thing, I allow my mind to wander and imagine using/having the Thing. After a while I’ll mentally rerun the “Life with the new Thing” video and check my use-cases.

Was I imagining myself having the Thing? Or others seeing me have the Thing?

If it’s the latter, I probably shouldn’t buy it.

14

A lot of living beyond means consists of people buying and paying mortgages on homes as ‘investments’ which are really just consumption, of the owner-imputed rent on more/nicer living space than the people really need or can afford. Housing is just one item, but often the biggest single one. Assuming it’s modest/suitable then sure it’s part of the irreducible minimum. But a lot of times it isn’t.

15

That’s true. We got a sweet deal on our current place, a 1900 square foot manufactured home, and since it’s PIF we’re only paying lot rent, which means this is the absolute cheapest housing we’ve ever had, or will ever have. Until we bought this place, we lived in apartments while we worked through grad school, that cost three times as much for half the space. We love this house and it’s a really nice neighborhood with a lot of diversity. Occasionally my FIL starts poking around for nicer houses for us to buy, but unless we end up with more kids than bedrooms, I don’t see it happening any time soon. According to my FIL, who manages the place we live, we make three times more than the average homeowner in this complex. Enough discretionary income to enjoy a lot of lifestyle perks like a housekeeper and a personal trainer and still have money left over for long-term savings and financial goals.

Based on the time I worked for a nonprofit consumer credit counseling agency, I think people often bite off more than they can chew with housing. Even when they can make the payments it stifles a lot of their cash flow. We are trying to take advantage of our current situation for as long as we can.

I know we’re fortunate that the chief conflict here is ‘‘spending less so I can save more’’ vs. ‘‘spending less so I can pay the bills.’’ I feel like I’ve done all I can to maximize the value for our basics - housing, insurance, utilities - so now I’m looking at the more tertiary and discretionary things and how much value they really add.

16

To expand on this, many of the things Mama Zappa mentioned, even though you have to have them, many people spend more than they absolutely need to on them. You may need clothes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you need clothes that didn’t come from Goodwill or Walmart. You may need a car, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you need one as expensive as the one you bought. You need food, but is the food you buy the cheapest available way of satisfying your nutritional requirements?

Not that there’s anything wrong, necessarily, with getting something better or nicer or more enjoyable than the bare minimum, but it does further blur the line between “need” and “want.” And it’s something to keep in mind when shopping for a big-ticket item like a house or a car.

17

If it’s something that I will use that will improve my life or my hobbies, then I have no qualms against acquiring it. I don’t classify it as a want or a need. On the other hand, if something has no useful purpose (vacation souvenirs, for example), I refuse to buy them. Why do I want a box of old junk in my basement gathering dust?

I recently debated purchasing a third AeroPress, which is an awesome coffee maker. I have one at work, one at home, and I wanted one for the camping kit, which I only use a few times per season. I ended up purchasing it, because I like maintaining the camping kit in a ready-to-go state. I can imagine how peeved I’d be if I arrived at the campground having forgotten my AeroPress. And I don’t have to imagine very hard; I forgot the filters on my last two trips, and had to make due with a paper towel.

I worry more about “want” versus “need” for big ticket items. I’d love to replace my 2004 Expedition with something modern (GPS, Bluetooth, lower mileage, less rust), but I can’t justify the “need.” Similarly I’d love a larger TV in the family room, but no need.

18

“When I have a little money, I buy books; and if I have any left, I buy food and clothes.”

Without books, I’d go stark staring mad, so they really are a “need,” not just a luxury.

(However…Project Gutenberg! Free books! Yay!)

I know a lot of people who feel this way about music. If they don’t have their I-Pod, they’re just plain miserable.

19

I know it’s a minor point, but remember that it’s not $TotalNewBraCost vs $0. Regardless of your time, it still costs money to do the laundry. Even if you’re following recommendations and hand-washing your bras (I never do, but I wear cheap bras), there is a minor cost for detergent and water.

More importantly though there’s the fact that the bras will wear out over time. If the bra has an estimated lifetime of x hours, rotating through 9 bras will mean that your bra supply will last 3 times longer than rotating through 3 bras. Of course this assumes that you don’t change size or have another issue where you need to replace your bras before they wear out. Plus laundering the bras frequently may cause them to wear out sooner.

20

I thought of that, too. And mine aren’t cheap. They are around $90 a pop. They last a really long time but they won’t last as long if I’m washing them daily.

I asked my husband, since he is very frugal, what he thought, and he thinks they should be a priority. He’s a good sounding board for this sort of thing.