Priorities (kinda lame)

The BBQ Pit
1

I was talking to the mom of one of LilMiss’s friends yesterday. She was whining that she has to file bankruptcy because she can’t keep up with her bills. She stated if she could just cut down on the ‘unimportant’ things, maybe they can make it.

“You’re going to cut off cable and your cell phone?”

You would have thought I suggested she beat a baby.

Please explain to me why cable and cell phones are considered necessities? We live in a suburb. No worry about needing cable to attain decent reception. She doesn’t travel distances where a cell phone would be necessary. As far as that goes, if you feel you need a cell phone, go for a cheapy one.

I asked how much cable and cell cost per month. Over $200.00 per month.

My jaw dropped.

(quasi-rant ahead)
Have you ever heard of priorities, you moron? You’re sitting her talking about filing bankruptcy, which I know is not as devastating as it used to be, when getting rid of some frills would help you out tremendously? What fucking planet are you from? You ‘wish’ you could afford music lessons for your child. Cut the cable and you can! In no way is cable a necessity. So what if you “must” watch Lifetime? You’re going belly up. Screw Lifetime. I know you would be lost actually having to interact with your children, rather than them plugging in to Nic or Disney. What a trauma. You son needs tutoring? Get rid of the cell phone and you can afford it! Speaking of phones, what precisely is the need for a $200 cell phone? The one that does mini-movies? Don’t you have a camcorder? I know you do. You also have tons of add-on on your land line. Why? I know that’s at least an additional $30 per month. What is so important? Please explain! Your child comes to school in clothes I wish I could buy for LilMiss, but can’t afford on my civil servant wages. I know you don’t shop at consignment shops/used shops, as you have stated they are beneath you. Well, blow me. If it weren’t for consignment/used stores, we wouldn’t be dressed in this household. What is the logic behind spending $40 for a pair of jeans that your kid will outgrow in a matter of months? Go buy the same fucking pair of jeans for $4.95 at the thrift store! I wish I could give LilMiss a buttload of cash, telling her to buy what she wants, but again, there’s that whole priority concept. See, electricity, heat, food, insurance is much more important, in my opinion. Am I that clueless? What am I not understanding, here? LilMiss is not stunted due to her lack of cable. Yes, I did break down and obtained a cell phone- after I spent over an hour in a snowbank without any way to contact anyone. But, see, it’s only for emergencies. Not for chitchat. I know you were offended when I told your daughter not to call the cell phone number. Too bad. So flippin’ what that your princess is allowed to yak forever on yours? I…DON’T…CARE. Should we talk about your “need” for DSL? Your “need” for at least one weekend away at a pricey hotel every month?

What am I missing here? I get clients coming in whining about their child support being too high, yet they whip out their expensive cell phones. I’ve listened to more than one parent bitch about how they’re going down the financial tubes, yet they’re driving new Mommy-mobiles, again with the cell phones, cable, etc. What is considered a necessity for living? :confused:

2

I absolutely agree!

While there are some for whom certain ‘extras’ are now actual necessities (many need cell phones for their line of work, for example), it’s pretty amazing how so many luxuries are considered necessities by folks who are suffering financially (well, I guess that might be part of why they’re in dire financial straits).

I definitely live paycheck to paycheck, but part of the reason for that is that I pay for DSL, a cell phone, and a few nights out per week. I definitely am at the limit of what I can afford to do, but if I needed to come up with more money, the answer would not be bankruptcy, it would be to cancel DSL and stop going out so much.

Asside from rent, clothing, car, food, loan payments, and basic utilities, I don’t have any other financial necessities.

Living above one’s means can be tempting, but believing that one can’t live without such life-sustaining things such as cable television and high speed internet is just plain delusional.

3

I hear you. I used to live next door to someone that would whine at me about “gee, it must be NICE” to have this or that after DogDad and I would scrimp and save for MONTHS (if not years) to get something. She did this when we got our first computer. “OOOOO, it sure must be NICE to be able to afford a NEW COMPUTER. Wish I could afford one.”

Yeah, well, if you hadn’t thrown out your less-than-a-year-old furniture and completely replaced it, hadn’t ripped out your less-than-five-year-old kitchen and completely redone it (because you “felt like it” and were “tired of the old stuff”), if you didn’t buy nothing but JUNK FOOD for your kids and then take them out for dinner every night because there was “nothing in the house for dinner”, AND if you hadn’t decided you needed a new patio, all new patio furniture, and a new truck (because the old one wasn’t as shiny or something), THEN you might’ve been able to get a new computer.

There aren’t enough :rolleyes: for people like that.
Oh, and she thought that bankruptcy was THE perfect solution to get a bunch of stuff for Very Little Money. You buy all this stuff on credit, file for bankruptcy, and then do it again in seven years when your credit clears. :dubious:

4

It’s stuff like this that makes me just want to be mean. If you’re poor, don’t try to buy all the rich person stuff. You’re POOR!

No $150/mo cell phones, no $90/mo cable bills, no DSL, no fancy car, no fancy appliances. Get with the program, stupid!

A coworker of mine bought a brand new condo. She decided not to get the standard carpet because she wanted fancy carpet. Lo and behold, after all the extra fees at closing (completely her fault) she has no money to buy a carpet, so her floor is OSB plywood. Sure, she can blow $1000+ on a top of the line Whirlpool front load washing machine (Og forbid she go to a laundromat) but still has no floor. I won’t even mention the piles of money spent to store crap furniture for years on end, well, ok I’ll mention it. For the money you spent on storage, you could have brand new furniture!

It’s called managing your money, look into it.

5

I hate people like that.

My boyfriend is filing for bankruptcy later this month. He lost his job a few years ago and made the mistake of living on credit cards until he found a new one. It took him a year and a half to find a new one, and that paid just over minimum wage.

With car payment, rent, student loan payments and utilities, the credit cards are getting him deeper and deeper.

He’ll never have another credit card that he uses (he’ll probably get one after his credit clears and use it once a month and pay it off to get his rating back up).

Bankruptcy is NOT a way to have really nice stuff without having to pay for it.

Damn. Sometimes I wish murder was legal.

this in no way constitutes a statement of murderous intent toward anyone. remember, always cya

6

Or at least a hearty beating with a Clue Stick ™.

7

Tell me about it. No amount of talking could convince my neighbor of anything different, though. After all, SHE had a FRIEND that did this “all the time” and so she should know.
Like I said, not enough :rolleyes: in the world for some of her ideas.

8

Nope, not a lame rant at all. That kind of shit is absolutely Pit-worthy. Every single pay period, I go to work and listen to people talk about how they’ve only got five bucks to last them till payday. The ones who do the most bitching are the ones who drive the biggest, most gas-guzzling cars, who go out drinking every weekend, who get their nails done every week, who spend their lives in the tanning bed and whip out their cell phones constantly, the ones who just boggle at the thought that I manage to survive without cable. Incidentally, they’re the same folks who trot out the “must be nice to have that kind of money” line about us having a cleaning person come in every other week, or going out to a nice dinner once in a while.

I want to slap them and say, “The exact same people sign my paycheck as yours. Do you really think they pay me significantly more than you? My husband makes less money than the lab techs in his hospital. The only reason we can afford stuff like this is that we don’t throw it away on other stuff, you moron.” As I said before, we don’t have cable or a satellite. Neither of us has a cell phone. We drive small, fuel-efficient cars, one of which is ten years old. I color my hair at home instead of going to salon to get highlights. If we’re going to drink, we do it at home where it’s cheaper, quieter, and more convenient. We don’t have a lot of expensive toys, and the ones we do have were bought when we found a really great deal on them.

Everyone has their own priorities and ideas of what’s an extravagance or luxury. I’m sure a lot of people would view our cleaning lady or Dr.J’s really nice cookware as extravagances, while we see them as long-term investments in our quality of life. Still, we in no way have them confused with necessities like food, shelter, water, and basic clothing.

9

Geez Louise this kinda shit drives me crazy.

I’ve got a cow-orker just like that. She’s always bitching about how POOR she is, right? Yeah, so poor she drives a nice SUV that runs her about 500 a month (I realize that when you have shitty credit, as she and I both do, even a cheap car can end up costing you a pretty penny in monthly payments, such as my own, but an SUV? Comon’) goes to Starbucks every fucking morning, buys her lunch every fucking day (I’ve worked with this woman for 3 years and have never once seen her bring her lunch to work) and buys dinner for her and the kids a minimum of 3 times a week. Not to mention the fact that she gets her hair and nails done every 3 weeks.

Now I’m freaking poor. That’s why I bring my lunch and dinner with me (I go straight to school from work every day) to work, brew my own morning coffee in a travel mug, and drive a pretty nice, but not stupid car. Which I need since I commute upwards of 100 miles a day. My work pays for my cell phone. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t have one. I also don’t ever get my nails or hair done. I did when I had the money to do it, but since tuition started gobbling up my entire wad, I can’t afford it anymore. So I quit doing it. Not a terribly difficult concept.

The really irritating thing is she honestly thinks we’re in the same boat. No moron, we’re not in the same fucking boat. For starters, you make about 20 grand more a year than I do. Secondly, if you lived like I did instead of pissing your money away on a daily basis, you’d have plenty of spare change.

Gah!

:rolleyes:

10

Oh, my favorite rant!

Relatives of mine are currently driving me crazy. Two expensive cars. A really expensive house (as in a $2500 mortgage) - and remodeling work on top of the mortgage. Vacations. A $2,000 camera. Shopping sprees. The salespeople at Nordstrom know her by name. And he drinks $80 a bottle Scotch.

And they are broke. So broke that they sat down and figured out that after they pay their bills they are $30 a month BEHIND (at least they finally sat down and figured it out).

But six months ago, she was still whining that she needed to shop to make her “feel better.” Besides, how could you pass up a good sale! They couldn’t get rid of the cars or the cable or the high speed internet. Two cell phones were a necessity. And if we or someone else they knew could afford it - they must be able to as well.

Look, this is really simple people - if you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. Set the priorities for how you want to spend your money and be responsible. Just because “someone you know” bought a really nice truck does not mean you need to go buy one, too. This is no longer Junior High. Try not to compare yourself to the Joneses - what you don’t know is that stay at home mom Mrs. Jones inherited a bunch of money when her Dad died and they sold the farm, or that Mr. Jones is on his second career - teaching may be his love, but he only started doing that after they IPO’d the dot com he was working for in 1999. Or that the Smiths, who bought a brand new car a year ago, are about to put their house up for sale and declare bankruptcy.

11

My very own mother does this crap! I fight with her all the time about her shopping and how she cries because she’s so broke. Umm, mom? STOP BUYING KNICK-KNACKS that you don’t need, end up having to dust (which you hate to do, you hate to clean up in general) and clutter your room so that after a few months/years you get rid of the stupid thing! She just cannot figure out why she’s broke. GRRRRR… I can’t continue, I’m getting riled up just typing this!

I had a friend (use of that term is LOOSE, people) who did this kind of shit and I couldn’t stand it after awhile so I stopped going to see her and stopped calling. She spent all her money buying her and her child clothes from Dillards, and even though I had babysat her little brat (you just KNOW that child will grow up to be like mama) for six weeks, I received a fourth of the money she owed me. She had set the amount for my watching her toddler, not me, and she couldn’t even pay me on time or the full amount. She kept saying that her boss wasn’t paying her or something “happened” to the paycheck.* PUL-LEASE*! I was too nice and kept watching the kid even knowing I’d get screwed. She had problems keeping the job after a few weeks so that made it all worse. She shared a one bedroom apartment with her uncle and she screwed him all the time with rent and food. The uncle and I had a long talk one evening when he got home before she did. I did NOT feel bad complaining to him, she deserved it. She just never gave a straight answer but she’d expect you to fork over every penny. One time she “bought” me lunch as a favor then asked me to pay her back a few days later. BITCH. Hand me the clue stick, Dopers, she needs a beating.

Now, I have a child, as I’ve mentioned many times in other threads. My daughter does not need clothes from Dillards, she’s only four and she’s autistic (she’ll never understand the whole spoiled brat thing, thank GOD!). I buy her clothes at Target, Walmart, and K-Mart because they have cute clothes at decent prices and they always have sales racks. One pair of pants I bought after they’d gone on sale from 13.99 to 7.99, yay ME!

My angel gets everything she needs though before I decide what I need. Soap, shampoo, shoes, clothes… all of it. I don’t get my nails done or drive the newest gas guzzler. I have my priorities straight.

12

People like that ought to spend a year or two in a third world country. Or at least be required to read Little House on the Prairie or one of those pioneerey books like that—see how people got along without plumbing and electricity, much less cell phones, SUVs, and cable TV.

13

Ya know… that makes me wonder, Thudlow Boink (great name, btw!)…

I have this friend who’s husband was downsized and found himself unemployed. He was doing some freelance programming and website building, but they soon realized that her income plus his half an income was not really supporting the lifestyle to which they had become accustomed. So she called a mutual friend of mine and asked him, “when you were starting your business, how did you economize?” He gave her some tips like, “Well, for starters, you don’t need four kinds of gourmet mustard in the fridge. Use what you have then buy one kind of store-brand mustard, suck it up and live with that until you can afford to have a multi-condiment fridge again.”

At first I was shocked to realize that my friend, whom I’ve known for close to 20 years, had no idea how to budget or economize. We went through college together – I thought she was as broke as I was for the four years. Evidently, her parents floated her a lot more than mine floated me. After college, she lived at home for a while, then moved in with her boyfriend, who is now her husband. She’s never had to pay the rent and buy the groceries all by herself! That became the shocking part: this woman, a dear, dear friend, had made it into her mid-30’s without ever really having to struggle and be careful with her money. When faced with the situation, she really didn’t have the skills.

Upon reading this thread, I wonder… Do the people you’ve all mentioned here, have they had any sort of down-on-their luck experiences before? Perhaps they grew up wealthy or at least middle class privileged, and never really had to struggle to put the rent together. Also, remember that many people will listen to any idiot who tells them bankruptcy is the answer, rather than do their own homework and inform themselves of their options.

Me, I just can’t fathom this attitude. When I first lived on my own with no roommates to share expenses, I didn’t even have a TV for about a year. Didn’t get cable for about two more years, after mom insisted on buying the TV for me. I became a vegetarian because (among other reasons) I couldn’t afford red meat or even chicken. I lived on Ramen noodles, mac n cheese and rice and beans for several years before I’d worked my way up to a job where I could afford my car, my apartment and actual food (instead of processed food-like products). I added the luxuries as my income increased. Should I find myself unemployed and broke ever again, my cable, the cable internet, my cell phone, my XM radio, my magazine subscriptions – it all goes out the window. (I’ve paid off my car, so at least I’ll always have that, as long as it runs well.)

I suggest that all public schools, K-12 as well as universities, in this country require a class in personal economics. Not everyone’s parents taught us about budgets and paying bills on time, and credit ratings and so forth. I’d guess many of us learned that stuff on our own through trial and error. (I’d also suggest that universities require an Office Politics 101 course, but that’s another thread.) Example: I didn’t know how to reconcile my checkbook until college, and then I had to read the instructions on the bank statement. I bet there’s hundreds of thousands of adults out there right now who, a) do not know how to reconcile their bank statements, b) aren’t even aware of any reasons they should and c) don’t realize there are instructions on the bank statement for how to do it. I bet a lot of people don’t even open or read the darn things.

There’s no answers here. . . I just have to shake my head and wonder sometimes.

14

Well, see, Dogzilla, your post makes me giggle with its’ irony. I bitched about how that mom doesn’t grasp the concept of budget, but I myself have had numerous problems with money. When I turned 18, neigh on every credit card company sent me their pretty little cards with decent limits. Oh! You’re supposed to pay them back? After 3 years of trying to get my shit straightened out, they all were cut up and thrown out. This left me without credit to save my life. Now at age 34, my credit report is blank. The demon of “How can you get credit if no one will give you a credit card?” comes into play with me.

I used to horrible paying bills on time. Most were paid every other month. Scrambled if a shut-off note was received. I am proud that for the past year every damn bill has been paid on time if not early. How sad is that?

Balance my checkbook? Hell, I balance accounts all day, why do my own? (It’s weird, most of my co-workers also don’t balance their checkbooks). I use the online service my bank provides and keep a running balance in my head.

I know I waste money. We are shoe-a-holics. Book-a-holics. Pizza-a-holics. If we cut down on this stuff, we obviously could afford cable &c. At this time, we don’t want to. BUT if push came to shove, unlike friends Mom, I know what is required to live…not an accessory to living ‘well’

15

Actually, MissTake, I think you just really emphasized my point. We learn a lot from our parents’ examples… some of us learn how NOT to manage our money and some of us just have to figure it all out on our own, through trial and error. I certainly didn’t come out of the womb with a great credit rating… But my mother told me once, “It doesn’t matter if you can’t pay that $5,000 credit card bill. Send 'em whatever you can afford, even if it’s only $5 at a time. That will keep the collectors off your phone and will keep your credit in good repair.”

I’m so grateful I have a mom who dispenses sensible advice. I may have been up to my ass in alligators (as we like to say in Florid-duh), but at least my credit report was pristine.

I still think there should be mandatory classes for everybody, since it appears that so many adults have no clue at all. Kind of like demanding that people take a class or get a license before having children. (Geez, in some places you have to have a license for your dog…)

I’m glad that you at least got a giggle out of my post.

16

I, too, have an acquaintance like this. And for the longest time, when this person griped about how poor she was, I didn’t believe it; I mean, she ALONE makes a slightly higher salary than SkipMagic and I do COMBINED (and her husband works too), so I figured she was just talking out of her ass. I mean, I complain about being “broke”, too, when I can’t afford a cute pair of boots or a new skirt that I want, but in reality, my bills are paid, my “kids” (three dogs, two cats, and two rats) are fed, we manage to save a little bit and we get to go out to eat fairly often.

So I thought it was just the same situation for her–she wasn’t REALLY broke,
she was just wishing that she could afford more of the things that she WANTS (I
mean, don’t we all wish that?).

Turns out I was wrong–she’s in DEEP.

The thing is, despite the fact that I think she could make some better financial
decisions, the bottom line is that she’s in a jam, and she’s miserable and cries a lot, and I want to do some little thing that might be helpful, but not make her feel like a charity case or anything.

So far, all I’ve thought of is to make her brownies.

17

My sister, as much as I love her, is one of these people. She and I make about the same salary. She’s constantly complaining about having no money (as she sits there in her designer clothes) and her outrageous credit bills (that pay for said clothes). As far as I can tell she has at least 7 or 8 credit cards. :eek:
Really, I can commiserate with not having the money you need to do those things you want to do. But you have a house, a car, and food in the cupboards–you’re doing okay. And stop bitching to me about it! I make the same money, and I’m supporting myself and two kids dammit! If I manage to scrape by with over HALF of my income going to daycare, there’s no reason you can’t make do. I haven’t bought new clothes in years, and my cable internet blows my entire monthly entertainment budget, and I don’t get to buy pricey wines and fancy dinners out. You are not poor!! You ARE overextended. There’s a big, big difference.

18

Give her some bubblebath (cheap, but nice-smelling), all the hugs and listening she needs, and if she wouldn’t take it the wrong way, a subscription to The Tightwad Gazette or something similar. Oh, and the phone number of one of those credit-counseling services. Solid, practical advice about getting herself out of this jam is what she really needs right now.

19

In my job I get to listen to these kinds of people all day. Yay for me!

I heard a quote somewhere… someone who was rich was asked how he got rich, he said something like “I saw what poor people were doing, and I didn’t do those things.”

I have this quip posted at my desk: “An income is something you can’t live without or within. The question is where those who live beyond their means, get the money to live beyond their means. Some people could be happy if they had all the money they wanted…others would be happy if they had all the money their creditors wanted.”