You, sir? You, with the shopping basket full of puppies? You, sir, are an idiot.
And idiots like you should not be allowed to breed. Not even puppies.
Perhaps (for the benefit of you, the reader of this rant), I should illuminate:
My wife and I went to Wally World yesterday to pick up a couple of DVDs or some such non-essential items. As we pulled in to the parking lot, my wife’s radar went off:
Actually, I wasn’t all that sure she said ‘puppies’. You see, I’ve learned, over the years, to run - and run fast - when I hear that “Oohhhhh!” sound issuing forth from my wife’s lips. It don’t matter - kittens, puppies, colts, fillies, calves, sheep, hell, even hamsters - my wife tends to collect pets in much the same way some people collect other things - indiscriminately! You might think this rant is directed at my wife. You would be wrong*.
Please allow me to recreate some of the pertinent parts of the conversation which followed the parking of the Jeep:
Idiot trying to unload latest litter of puppies: “Would you like to hold a puppy?”
Wife: “Ooooooooohhhhh! Puppies!”
[I mean, you can just hear it, right?]
Idiot: [Babbles incessantly about the cute puppies.]
Wife: [Takes puppy cuteness from the idiot] “Ahhhh, isn’t she cute?” [Babbles incoherently about puppy cuteness. I think I’m in trouble …]* "How old are they?
Idiot: “8 weeks - they’re completely weaned and on solid food now.”
Lucy: [Looks at puppies. Uhhh, are you talking about these puppies? They’re barely able to move around under their own power … :dubious: ]
Wife: "Have they had any of their shots?
Idiot: “No, still a little too young yet …”
Lucy: [:eek: RED FLAGS! :eek: BELLS! :eek: FLASHING LIGHTS! :eek: ALARMS! :eek: ]
Wife: [levels “The Look” at me] “Sweetheart …”
Well you can guess the rest. Meet Caliente (I’m guessing it will be ‘Calie’ for short), newest addition to the Ol’ Swayback Ranch.
If you happen to take a minute to flip through the album, you’ll also meet the 2MuddyDogs. I’m just learning how to do this photobucket thingy, so someday I’ll have to see about getting photos of the rest of the livestock (horses, cats, frankenkittys, etc.) into the album.
So, just who is the real idiot here? And, more importantly, who is this rant directed at? ME!!! Hey! I’m 55 winters old, looking at the beginning of #56. I’ve been raising puppies most of my life. And it’s not like I couldn’t see all the warning signs. Weaned, but not old enough for shots? Check.
Reality: This puppy can’t be more than five weeks old. She certainly is not weaned - she is still trying to suckle everything that comes near her muzzle. And, she is just barely tolerating solid food.
And still I folded. Withered under the [del]glare[/del] loving gaze of my wife.
All will end well, I’m sure. We’ve been here and done this all before. (Which makes me all the more an idiot for allowing it to happen yet again!)
The point of all this? Caveat Emptor! Heed my advice my friends: do not get your pets from people standing in front of the local store with a shopping basket full of cuteness …
Oh, and to the jerk with the puppies, would it have really killed you to leave these puppies with mama for another 2 - 3 weeks? You know, like, until they were, in fact, actually and truly weaned?
*Well, maybe you would not be entirely wrong in supposing this - but that is best left lying over there —>>> (You know, next to that pile of my indiscriminately collected stuff …)